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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not “lend” this money to my friend?

326 replies

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 15:14

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

OP posts:
Thesharkradar · 21/04/2023 18:39

the BF is a predator who's identified the friend as a definite soft touch (or she'd not be allowing him to exploit her) and thinks he can use her to siphon money out of your bank account OP
if you give her any money at all it'll be like blood in the water to a shark and he'll be moving in for a big feeding frenzy

TomatoSandwiches · 21/04/2023 18:39

Be prepared op, when you say no that she will come back a week or so later with an unexpected expense. The washing machine/fridge is broken and it will be can you lend us £500 for this or that.
I wouldn't be answering the phone to her for a while.

HanSB · 21/04/2023 18:43

No, say you have used it to pay off credit cards, mortgage or whatever and there's none left. Maybe you can gift her some money in the future when she has had the better mind to get rid of the useless bf

AnneElliott · 21/04/2023 18:44

That's so cheeky of her op. I agree you should offer to take her on a short break and not invite the BF.

Don't loan her the money. You'll never get it back.

Annoyingnamechangerperson · 21/04/2023 18:45

I’ve had a best friend for 20 years too we have also seen each other through good and bad. If she came into 10k my immediate thoughts would be ‘ahh that’s brilliant for her, well done’ not can she pay for a holiday for myself my new boyfriend and child. I think this would sour a friendship for me if I’m being honest.

Parisj · 21/04/2023 18:51

Ach no, she's ruined it by asking.

Bluebells1970 · 21/04/2023 18:53

Tell her you made a mistake and it was £1000 and not £10000.

She's incredibly rude to even ask - would you ask this of her if it was the other way round?

jeaux90 · 21/04/2023 18:53

The crap boyfriend suggested it I bet.

In fact you'd be able to really see what's going on if you do ask if she'd like a girls only break with you.

If she jumps at it all good, if she says no then you definitely know it's him.

Either way don't lend money.

Blobblobblob · 21/04/2023 18:55

Thesharkradar · 21/04/2023 18:39

the BF is a predator who's identified the friend as a definite soft touch (or she'd not be allowing him to exploit her) and thinks he can use her to siphon money out of your bank account OP
if you give her any money at all it'll be like blood in the water to a shark and he'll be moving in for a big feeding frenzy

This with bells on.

She either can't see him for who he really is or doesn't want to, but the facts are clear.

All they are thinking about is how to fleece you. Give them anything and they will be back for more, probably with a sob story next time.

Cut her off, ffs, this person is not your friend.

Thesharkradar · 21/04/2023 18:56

I wouldnt agree to a girls only hol....the bf will do all have can to get his hands on your money OP, he thinks your friends money belongs to him, now he's expanding his territory to include your money.
He'll show up on the hol with no money and you'll end up having to fund him

Rosula · 21/04/2023 18:58

Agreeable · 21/04/2023 15:17

DS8?

wtf.

What's the problem with that?

user1471538283 · 21/04/2023 19:01

If you want to be generous you could buy her something although I don't like the sound of her bf. He might sell it

Don't loan or give her cash. He will spend it and she will be back for more.

AllIeveknewonlyou · 21/04/2023 19:01

It's a shame she's done this, it isn't normal to expect you to fund a man she's only been with a few months

LemonTreeSkies · 21/04/2023 19:02

Moveoverdarlin · 21/04/2023 18:24

I think it’s so so rude of her to ask, I really do. Are you sure you want to give a friend £1000, that’s a large chunk of the money gone? You should never have said anything. Can’t believe the cheek of her.

I would reply saying ‘Hiya, I’d love to, but just can’t commit to that at the moment, I’m sorry. Quite a large bit is paying off my credit card bill and found out today my car needs a new bloody clutch! I want to put some in savings for my DC too. It soon goes! Promise I’ll treat you to a slap up lunch very soon though. Xxx

But thats all lies. OP doesn’t need to, nor should, lie.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 21/04/2023 19:02

What does your pension look like OP, whatever the answer is tell her”I was advised to put it into a pension where I get tax relief so free money, sorry I can’t lend you anything at all”

BeetleBailey · 21/04/2023 19:05

Your first mistake was telling her you'd one some money

Totally unnecessary

Partyandbullshit · 21/04/2023 19:05

Yes, I would offer to take her and her son on holiday with you. I also wouldn't hold back telling her that I didn't want to spend any of my winnings on her boyfriend.

InSpainTheRain · 21/04/2023 19:05

Don't lend it or give it - say you've put it in a 90 day notice account to get more interest and can't access it!

RedToothBrush · 21/04/2023 19:07

If she asks like that shes not your friend.

Hankunamatata · 21/04/2023 19:09

Wow no decent friend asks within the hour of your winning. A decent friend says wow congratulations

bellsbuss · 21/04/2023 19:13

@Thesharkradar my thoughts exactly

Beautiful3 · 21/04/2023 19:22

No she shouldn't have asked you that. I wouldn't give her any money. I bet it was her boyfriend who prompted her. If you wish to go away, invite her and her child. But don't hand over 1,000. I'd say I'm investing it all into bonds, for my pension. Stop telling people about it, keep it quiet.

windmill26 · 21/04/2023 19:22

This is why you shouldn't talk about money with friends.

Mulhollandmagoo · 21/04/2023 19:22

Socialdistancechampion · 21/04/2023 15:21

Suggest you her and the child go away on holiday, your treat. Sell it as a "man free break"

This was going to be my suggestion too, maybe just book a UK mini break flat the coast for you, your friend and her son! That way, friend and son get a holiday and you're not giving sponger boyfriend any money.

Kennykenkencat · 21/04/2023 19:23

Tell her you have already allocated the money to paying off debts / mortgage / rent etc