To not “lend” this money to my friend?

[Moneyfriend]

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

She asked you within the hour. How cheeky and rude.

I’m echoing the ‘just say no’ chorus. Her holiday predicament is not yours to solve. If she plans to pay it back, then she can afford to save it. It may mean delaying the holiday, but at least she gets one. Maybe treat friend and dc to day at zoo, for example, but as others have said, explain money is already tied up..

I agree with this. £10,000 feels like a lot of money when you don't have much, but in reality it won't stretch very far if you start giving big chunks away!

I would not give my friend £1000 no way. If they want a holiday they can book it and pay for it monthly they don’t need yours now. My friend wouldn’t even dream of asking me for £1000 if I’d won 20,000 let alone 10

It's a hard no from me. Treat her to a meal the next time you see her, but do not give her £1,000. Hell to the no!

more to the point what kind of man allows this to be done or doesn’t want to take his girlfriend on holiday

Although it's a very kind thought to treat them to a day at the theme park, she still has a holiday in mind and knows the amount you won
She still asked an hour later!
For that alone, I'd tell her you've invested the money
Although £10,000 is a lot, it's not a life changing amount.
I think she's taking advantage of your kind nature, even if it was her DP's idea, a friend would shut the idea down
Keep hold of your money

^this
but it's too late now, tell her you've invested it into a pension or something and shut her down if she raises it again
she wont pay you back, she thinks you got some money for nothing and so should she

Sorry op don't treat her to anything
She's got a ds8 who she's inflicted a strange loser on and moved him in
She's on a lower income
You sub her outings and treats already
Your now feeling embarrassed because you want to say no, but. Mitigate it with a lesser treat?
She's not your friend, with an hour she's on the cadge for a loan, I would think about how her minds et works that she thought of that so fast .
Cut her off

Solid plan!

If you'd like her and her son to have a holiday, why not arrange something just for the three of you?

You get benefit from it, and a chance to spend some time with her and she gets some space away from loser boyfriend.

So she'd rather scrounge the money from you than tell her layabout BF to get a job? I know what I'd be texting back, and it wouldn't be polite.

I'm a bit surprised by the way everyone seems to be saying a) she is a CF to even be asking, but b) despite that you have to make up some reason to say no. Just Say No. If she says 'why not', you can say 'I don't have to give you a reason'. At a push I might preface that with 'I think it was inappropriate of you to ask'.

FWIW I think it's completely appropriate to say no. It's a lovely amount of money to have but it's not life changing, just life enhancing if you use it wisely ( which includes setting aside a small proportion for frittering away on whatever takes your fancy).

'counter-offer'???? it's not an negotiation, OP. She's asked you for a gift of £1000 to do something with her BF, you won't appease her by offering her something different that excludes him. Whatever you think of him, she wants to be with him. You'll just annoy her by bargaining. And you'll probably get drawn into a discussion of the BF's merits and flaws, and that won't end well.

Just. Say. No. Others have given you great lines that don't get you drawn into a discussion - you've put it in an investment, it's locked away and you can't get it without penalty, you've decided that you need to save rather than splurge and try and build a bit of a safety net for yourself. Then you ask her out for coffee. Like normal friends, who operate on sensible limits and boundaries.

I think it’s so so rude of her to ask, I really do. Are you sure you want to give a friend £1000, that’s a large chunk of the money gone? You should never have said anything. Can’t believe the cheek of her.

I would reply saying ‘Hiya, I’d love to, but just can’t commit to that at the moment, I’m sorry. Quite a large bit is paying off my credit card bill and found out today my car needs a new bloody clutch! I want to put some in savings for my DC too. It soon goes! Promise I’ll treat you to a slap up lunch very soon though. Xxx

That's ten per cent of your winnings. No. Besides, you've already earmarked it for essential house repairs. Haven't you????

And as others have said, if you ever come into a bit of money again, don't let on.

" Hi friend, yes I'm so happy with my little win, I used it to pay off a debt that was hanging over me for a couple of years. So glad that's paid back now, since owing money is awful and now that weight if off my back at long last".

Say no more, ignore the pleas for holiday money, subbing for this and that, everything. It will show her true colours.

What @CordyLines said is good. She can’t come back with anything

Your friend sounds besotted with new boyfriend and he does sound like he's taking advantage - did you say he'd already moved in? Sorry, I'm shattered today!

Keep the cash, treat her and DS.

Like normal friends, who operate on sensible limits and boundaries

This is the issue on all of these threads.
CF friend thinks it's fine to ask when people with normal friendships and boundaries simply wouldn't dream of it.
The friendship is based on Op giving her money, meals, cinema tickets...

That's not actually friendship Op

I think it was really rude of your friend to ask. It would really put me off sharing my winnings. I wonder if it was her boyfriend’s idea to ask you. I would say no in this situation if it was me. You should have been able to share that you had won without any asking for money from her

“Ah no can do. I’ve locked it away so that I can’t fritter it”
No need to apologise and no counter-offers either. Be prepared for her to be very off with you if not downright angry that you won’t part with 10% of your winnings to appease the fucking layabout that she’s shacked up with. Honestly I don’t think this good friend is as good a friend as you think she is. Good friends just don’t do this stuff. Incredibly grabby of her.

This is a very good response!

It will be interesting to see how good a friend she is when you say you are not able to lend her the money.

Tell her you want a girls holiday and go with her and her child

Absolutely not. And now you know she's a scrounger.