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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think other children's snacks are irresponsible?

359 replies

cowgirljoey · 19/04/2023 18:18

The official policy at DS's school (Year 2) is for them to bring a fruit or veg snack from home for break time. This seemed to be what happened when DS was in reception and Year 1, but over time DS tells me that his friends are regularly bringing crisps, chocolate bars and sweets in for their snack(s) and that he is one of the only ones who has fruit/veg each time.

Totally get that this needs fact-checking (I have a few reasons to think is is accurate), but if it is AIBU to think this is something I should contact school about? I don't think it's fair on the kids to be having junk food as a snack, and I've observed myself that lots of them eat barely any of their school lunch, suggesting that they aren't v. hungry at this point (understandable if they've had choc/crisps an hour beforehand). I think that parent are being irresponsible to be giving chocolate as a daily morning snack, but as I have no control over this, AIBU to think that school should be enforcing the fruit/veg policy?

OP posts:
UpsyDaisy352 · 19/04/2023 19:00

NeatCompactSleeper · 19/04/2023 18:57

My DC brought the same apple home from school so often, I named it Kevin and it became part of the family.

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This made me howl with laughter!!! 😂😂😂

Choconut · 19/04/2023 19:00

I agree with PP and would email the school and ask if the policy for snack is relaxed now the kids are in Yr2 or if it is still fruit and veg only. Schools can't have policies and then not bother to follow them, it just makes a mockery of everything. Either have a policy and follow it or don't bother having a policy.

Unfortunately it's probably a hassle to be constantly checking and taking away kids snacks because parents can't be bothered to follow the rules. Eating crisps and chocolate at break, then probably more in their packed lunch and then probably more junk when they get home for tea. It's no wonder there's an obesity crisis.

Glittertwins · 19/04/2023 19:01

PFB per chance?
Bring up your own child how you wish and leave others to do likewise. There will always be people who go around the rules so it's also an opportunity to teach your own child that they don't have to follow others either

wheresmymojo · 19/04/2023 19:03

I'm intrigued as to what some PP would like the school to do to 'enforce' the policy.

Surely everything they can do would be completely ineffective?

The policy was clearly communicated and is being ignored. It's reasonable to think that any 'reminders' of the policy would also be ignored by the same people.

So what then?

Do the children get their snacks confiscated if they fail to meet policy?

Do they steal children's food and leave them with no snack when the child wasn't in control of the decision?

What is it that you'd like the school to do that you believe would actually solve the problem?

Bellyrumble · 19/04/2023 19:03

Haven’t read all the replies on this thread so someone may have raised it already

firstly it’s none of your business

secondly, some of these kids could be receiving help via food banks. So it’s a case of take what they are given. Sometimes free chocolate and crisps from a good parcel is the only choice they have. We are in a COL crisis after all

Bumdealoftheweek · 19/04/2023 19:04

Choconut Totally agree with you. Mumsnet is such a contradiction sometimes - everybody is allowed to make they're own choices and anyone who questions that is ridiculed. However, once they're overweight you're never allowed to point out that this may be a result of those choices otherwise it's insensitive and rude.

PippaF2 · 19/04/2023 19:06

cowgirljoey · 19/04/2023 18:41

Not the approach I was thinking of. I would ask for clarity on the policy, as I want to check if my DS comments are accurate, and if they are, whether we need to follow the policy or not.

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But why? You want to follow the policy because you don't agree with kids eating crisps and chocolate. You want your child to eat fruit and veg.

So you do what's right for you and yours, let other families do what's right for them and theirs and stay in your own lane.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/04/2023 19:08

I think it’s fine for you to speak to the school for some clarification on this. Find out whether what ds is saying is right, and if so, what the policy really is? Is it just fruit and veg recommended but they can bring what they like, or is it only fruit and veg allowed?

If it’s the former you can then make an informed choice as to what you want to send ds with. If it’s the latter, you can ask them why it’s not enforced (if that is the case).

MissDollyMix · 19/04/2023 19:09

Just wait till your PFB is at secondary school where (judging by our local school at least) a bag of Haribo passes for a morning snack 😂
My DD almost never takes a snack in so when she does I let her take what she wants (so long as no nuts etc) She’s tiny so if they staff want to tell her she can’t eat her snack because Bobby’s mum is worried it might make her fat then THAT would be an issue for me. She does a lot of sport and eats really healthily at home- and that’s the crux, you just don’t know. In our family, we don’t don’t divide food into ‘good’ and ‘bad’, personally don’t think that’s a healthy attitude to have.

hotdiggetydog · 19/04/2023 19:10

devildeepbluesea · 19/04/2023 18:32

This. I can just imagine what the school / other parents would think of this you

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Couldn't care less

Purplehyena · 19/04/2023 19:11

It’s vanishingly unlikely that your child is the only one sticking to the rules. Likely a few aren’t all/some of the time which the school will be well aware of, and maybe addressing as part of other issues potentially.
Kids exaggerate that everyone is doing/has the thing they want all the time.
just explain to your child that the rules are there, why they’re there are, you follow them for that reason and what other people do isn’t your concern.

Lemonademoney · 19/04/2023 19:11

My son is underweight and has a mini soreen or a flapjack instead of fruit at break. He has a very high metabolism is struggling with post viral syndrome and needs the energy…. Sometimes there’s more to it than first appears.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 19/04/2023 19:11

cowgirljoey · 19/04/2023 18:30

Do we not have a responsibility as members of the same community to promote healthy eating habits? What justification is there for giving a morning snack of chocolate and crisps every day? Especially given the childhood obesity crisis in this country.

Alright Jamie Oliver calm down

SophiaSW1 · 19/04/2023 19:11

YABU

Jonei · 19/04/2023 19:11

cowgirljoey · 19/04/2023 18:41

Not the approach I was thinking of. I would ask for clarity on the policy, as I want to check if my DS comments are accurate, and if they are, whether we need to follow the policy or not.

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Why does it matter what others eat if you want your child to have fruit because of childhood obesity risks?

SallyWD · 19/04/2023 19:11

We don't send kids in with snacks at our school as its not the policy. However, if I did send him in with fruit or vegetables he simply wouldn't eat it!

UndertheCedartree · 19/04/2023 19:12

When my DD was in Infants they provided them with a fruit/veg snack at breaktime which worked well.

In Juniors they have to bring their own snack (there are no rules over what they bring, although healthy eating is encouraged.) The problem I have is my DD doesn't always want her snack and fruit/veggies get trashed sitting in her locker all day and it not eaten just get thrown away. It works better to give her a cereal bar/mini bag of biscuits and it can sit in her bad until she is hungry. She has plenty of fruit and vegetable at home.

UndertheCedartree · 19/04/2023 19:14

in her bag

AgrathaChristie · 19/04/2023 19:14

cowgirljoey · 19/04/2023 18:34

Thanks for your reply. What if it was another school rule being broken? DS is confused because they know what the policy is (they all got told it when they started school) but DS sees no one following it except for them. I think this must be confusing for a child and makes me seem unfair by following the policy when others are ignoring it. I think it sends an odd message to the children about what rules mean.

Then you use your words , dear. Tell your dc that parents make different choices for their children, you want him to eat fruit and/ or veg and that’s all that matters. What other children eat he doesn’t need to be concerned about.

GoTeamTired · 19/04/2023 19:14

Heronwatcher · 19/04/2023 18:52

This is going to come up again and again in other contexts. Computer games, films over their age, mobile phones, nerf guns, playing on play equipment which is fenced off, walking to places on their own etc. You can’t police other people or school. And no it’s not your responsibility to do it either. You need to learn to say to your kids when they ask why x is allowed to do y, “that’s between them and their parents/ the school/ their teacher, it’s nothing to do with us.”

I really agree with this.

My child is in key stage two and it becomes more pronounced, Freddie walks to school by himself, Charlie plays fortnite, Izzy takes her phone to school, Amelia takes in her adidas backpack, Tommy has lines in his haircut.

All names made up BTW. I get that it is frustrating when school rules are not followed. But in a few years inappropriate snacks are going to be the least of your worries.

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 19/04/2023 19:15

cowgirljoey · 19/04/2023 18:34

Thanks for your reply. What if it was another school rule being broken? DS is confused because they know what the policy is (they all got told it when they started school) but DS sees no one following it except for them. I think this must be confusing for a child and makes me seem unfair by following the policy when others are ignoring it. I think it sends an odd message to the children about what rules mean.

My kids have reported back that other kids get crisps and chocolate as snacks or in their lunch box, and ask why they can't have them.

They get told that I am not those children's mother, I am their mother, and I will be following the rules. Because they need to learn that there'll always be times when people get things they don't have, and to learn to be ok with that.

Tarantullah · 19/04/2023 19:15

cowgirljoey · 19/04/2023 18:30

Do we not have a responsibility as members of the same community to promote healthy eating habits? What justification is there for giving a morning snack of chocolate and crisps every day? Especially given the childhood obesity crisis in this country.

People on here will invariably say that it's no one else's business and it's better to embed unhealthy habits and make junk part of everyday life than say anything. I don't think you should say anything as no doubt the school won't be arsed, a lot of children eat junk more than they eat fruit and so this isn't any different I expect.

Ersorrywhatnow · 19/04/2023 19:16

Sure it's true? The EVERYONE has this and EVERYONE does that is something I've heard a lot over the years, from snacks to bedtimes to phones to screentime etc
You do you. Your child is Year 2 so a firm explanation of I don't care what other kids have or parents do, this is how we do it should cover it. Be the 'strict' parents, don't give in to badgering, and do what you know is best for your kids.

BreviloquentBastard · 19/04/2023 19:16

Oh good, this weeks "parents who feed quavers to their kids are going to hell" and "I'm a nosy busybody please validate me" threads have combined into one handy thread to save us all time! How helpful!

readbooksdrinktea · 19/04/2023 19:17

BreviloquentBastard · 19/04/2023 19:16

Oh good, this weeks "parents who feed quavers to their kids are going to hell" and "I'm a nosy busybody please validate me" threads have combined into one handy thread to save us all time! How helpful!

😅