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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to buy friend's book?

128 replies

Pluvia · 19/04/2023 18:15

A friend of mine recently completed an MA in Creative Writing and has self-published a short book. I have a background in publishing and writing and have been consulted regularly over the course of her study. I've also read parts of the book at various stages of development. It's genre fiction and not something I would choose to read or buy.

She's been telling all her SM contacts that when the books arrive we all have to buy one. I started out by assuming she was joking and responded that I'd wait for the reviews before deciding to buy or not. It turns out it wasn't humorous and that she really does expect everyone to buy a copy at £10 a pop. She's intending to gatecrash an event she hasn't been invited to this weekend in order to sell books and has let me know that she'll be there and I'll need a £10 note.

I know people will say 'It's only £10, what's the problem?' but it's the principle of the thing that irritates me. Not just the fact that I've given her several hours of my time and she still expects me to pay for the book, but that anyone should think that force-selling to friends is a good position.

I know lots of people do these writing courses: have others encountered this? What did you do?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 19/04/2023 18:17

Tell her she’s not invited to the thing and that it’s extremely rude to start selling things at a social event.

mainsfed · 19/04/2023 18:18

YANBU. Don’t take any cash and pre-warn your friends not to bring cash too.

Why is she gate crashing, does the host mimd?

Pamandherpampams · 19/04/2023 18:18

I’d have bought it right up until the moment she told you she expected you to buy a copy. Rude and entitled. No thanks.

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/04/2023 18:19

She’s being very pushy and rude about it. Just grey rock it, avoid the issue as much as you can and be vague.

Tiddlywinkly · 19/04/2023 18:19

Can't she just focus her energy on getting an agent or is it actually pretty bad?

OrigamiOwls · 19/04/2023 18:20

What sort of event is it that she's planning on gate crashing? Do you need to warn the host?

YANBU to not want to buy the book, she's being very cheeky.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 19/04/2023 18:20

My mum has a book in Amazon that she self published, I have never read it or bought a copy. Tell her no.

AHobbyaweek · 19/04/2023 18:21

I would be tempted to say "take it out of my consultancy fee you owe me"

BendingSpoons · 19/04/2023 18:21

Tell her you will deduct it from your invoice for your time and advice.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 19/04/2023 18:23

From my experience, completing an MA in Creative Writing does not necessarily guarantee a good writer. But I admire her chutzpah in being so determined to sell copies of her book.
Could you direct her to any self publishing groups or societies that she could join (there are loads on Facebook, just for starters) where they all encourage one another (and buy one another's books, incidentally).

BMW6 · 19/04/2023 18:23

I think you need to be frank with her

  1. WTF - You must not gatecrash this event, it would be incredibly rude!
  2. Well done for your book but i won't be buying it as it doesn't appeal to me.

She sounds like a right piece of work so if she gets the hump and breaks off your friendship I'd count that as a win.

PollyAmour · 19/04/2023 18:23

I wouldn't pay a tenner for a well known author's work, let alone a friend's self published fiction.
Most charity shops sell fiction books for 50p - £1.
Plus she owes you for your proofreading/editing etc input.

NumberTheory · 19/04/2023 18:26

If she's more of an aquaintance friend then I'd grey rock her, make excuses etc.

But if she's a good friend I think taking her for a coffee and using the aura of authority from your publishing background to set her straight on selling to friends would be the way to go. Tell her it's fine to make things available and let people know about it, but she has to remember that people aren't obliged to give her their money just because she wants the books to be successful. That she'll strain her friendships and set herself up for disappointment if she pushes it. Or similar. If she asks if you're going to buy one say you kind of expected a signed copy as a gift, given all the professional expertise you provided for free.

SkaneTos · 19/04/2023 18:30

NumberTheory · 19/04/2023 18:26

If she's more of an aquaintance friend then I'd grey rock her, make excuses etc.

But if she's a good friend I think taking her for a coffee and using the aura of authority from your publishing background to set her straight on selling to friends would be the way to go. Tell her it's fine to make things available and let people know about it, but she has to remember that people aren't obliged to give her their money just because she wants the books to be successful. That she'll strain her friendships and set herself up for disappointment if she pushes it. Or similar. If she asks if you're going to buy one say you kind of expected a signed copy as a gift, given all the professional expertise you provided for free.

Good advice!

SapphireEyes88 · 19/04/2023 18:32

Had this with an acquaintance selling his album... The first one he brought out (piano) he bumped into me in the street and took me to the cashpoint to get money. The second one he brought out (just weird and his horrid vocals) I had moved but I know he was turning up at parties and constantly messaging people about buying their copy.
I'm an artist and have never pressured people into commissioning me SO I don't know why some think it's OK!?

OneLittleFinger · 19/04/2023 18:34

Give her a note, one that details all the help you've given her and the price this help would cost someone else. Cheeky mare!

If I ever write the book I want to I'm publishing it under a pseudonym!

MysteryBelle · 19/04/2023 18:37

She’s using you from beginning to end. Everyone is a means to get what she wants. Do not buy her book. What an ass she is.

Time40 · 19/04/2023 18:38

Perfect advice from NumberTheory.

I've often bought friends' books when I haven't wanted them, just to be nice and show interest and support, but I certainly wouldn't do it if someone was rude and pushy.

She's probably really in love with her work, is over-excited about it, and hasn't yet realised that the rest of the world isn't going to care all that much.

Shinyandnew1 · 19/04/2023 18:39

She's intending to gatecrash an event she hasn't been invited to this weekend in order to sell books and has let me know that she'll be there and I'll need a £10 note

What is the event? I wouldn’t be going!

Mangogogogo · 19/04/2023 18:41

I always buy my friends’ books!

but this person doesn’t really sound like they’re really your friend?

MysteryBelle · 19/04/2023 18:41

She’s got nerve ordering you to buy her book after you gave her so much free advice and guidance.

Original poster
Pluvia · 19/04/2023 18:41

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 19/04/2023 18:23

From my experience, completing an MA in Creative Writing does not necessarily guarantee a good writer. But I admire her chutzpah in being so determined to sell copies of her book.
Could you direct her to any self publishing groups or societies that she could join (there are loads on Facebook, just for starters) where they all encourage one another (and buy one another's books, incidentally).

Thank you, that sounds a constructive way of tackling it. If you can suggest a group or two I'd be grateful.

She's someone I've known for years, a good friend when I've needed her. Recently retired from a senior role and on a very good pension. To her a tenner is nothing, but to a lot of people it's a big ask.

This has brought out a side of her that I haven't seen before. A kind of ruthlessness and overconfidence that perhaps she's called on in her career but I haven't seen in her private life.

I don't know whether it's any good. It's relatively well-written because she's literate but it's speculative fiction which I just don't enjoy and there's at least one sex scene which I wish I hadn't read... Sex is so difficult to do well on the page. The whole thing leaves me cringing.

I would hate to do this to my friends.

OP posts:
jetadore · 19/04/2023 18:43

mainsfed · 19/04/2023 18:18

YANBU. Don’t take any cash and pre-warn your friends not to bring cash too.

Why is she gate crashing, does the host mimd?

“Oh, don’t worry take a copy and you can pay me later…”

Silvers11 · 19/04/2023 18:45

@Pluvia I agree with others

I have actually bought a couple of books written by a friend, and some records from musician friends just to support them. HOWEVER neither of them would have dreamt of pushing people to buy their offerings, never mind insisting that I did. In fact the opposite, they were very pleased and grateful!

No way would I buy from someone who is simply behaving in an entitled manner - and @NumberTheory has the perfect advice on how to deal with this

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 19/04/2023 18:50

Pluvia · 19/04/2023 18:41

Thank you, that sounds a constructive way of tackling it. If you can suggest a group or two I'd be grateful.

She's someone I've known for years, a good friend when I've needed her. Recently retired from a senior role and on a very good pension. To her a tenner is nothing, but to a lot of people it's a big ask.

This has brought out a side of her that I haven't seen before. A kind of ruthlessness and overconfidence that perhaps she's called on in her career but I haven't seen in her private life.

I don't know whether it's any good. It's relatively well-written because she's literate but it's speculative fiction which I just don't enjoy and there's at least one sex scene which I wish I hadn't read... Sex is so difficult to do well on the page. The whole thing leaves me cringing.

I would hate to do this to my friends.

Show quote history

You can go to Facebook and look up 'Indie Authors' or 'Indie Author promotions' and there are lots of groups coming up. If her book contains any romance then she may want to think about joining the Romantic Novelists' Association, which will offer help/author groups/advice to any burgeoning author (the book doesn't have to be 'romance', it can just have a vague thread of romance in it). There are other societies for other genres of fiction - afraid I don't know much about speculative fiction, but maybe the British Science Fiction Association may cover it?