To not want to buy friend's book?

[Pluvia]

A friend of mine recently completed an MA in Creative Writing and has self-published a short book. I have a background in publishing and writing and have been consulted regularly over the course of her study. I've also read parts of the book at various stages of development. It's genre fiction and not something I would choose to read or buy.

She's been telling all her SM contacts that when the books arrive we all have to buy one. I started out by assuming she was joking and responded that I'd wait for the reviews before deciding to buy or not. It turns out it wasn't humorous and that she really does expect everyone to buy a copy at £10 a pop. She's intending to gatecrash an event she hasn't been invited to this weekend in order to sell books and has let me know that she'll be there and I'll need a £10 note.

I know people will say 'It's only £10, what's the problem?' but it's the principle of the thing that irritates me. Not just the fact that I've given her several hours of my time and she still expects me to pay for the book, but that anyone should think that force-selling to friends is a good position.

I know lots of people do these writing courses: have others encountered this? What did you do?

I have an old friend who is a reasonably successful published author and literally this is the only topic of conversation she has. She never attends any meet ups because there’s always a deadline and when she turns up she bangs on and on about her books.

I read the first one she published and it was not bad but I’m so fucking tired of being endlessly hit over the head with her books I’m never buying another.

What is it about authors in particular that brings out a particular kind of self obsessed, self publicising bore?

It was probably a message sent out to all her contacts about bringing £10. I wouldn't take it personally. And I've supported friends on ventures in the past with my credit card (because they're friends). Many have failed
But good friends support each other, they don't start stupid threads online slagging the other off.
I'd say you're not her friend, so move on and wish her the best.

Pull her aside and offer her a whispered word of professional advice...

"You know, pressure selling isn't the best way to go about garnering a loyal readership. You might want to rethink trying to sell to friends, or worse still bringing books to a party unless it's your own launch party. Never goes down well..."

You've not said what the event she's gate crashing is. That's absolutely not on.

I would remind her that pressurising people to buy her book can result in very very bad reviews.

She should put it on kindle unlimited where people can read it for nothing if they've got the subscription. She would still get paid per page view.

Ultimately, she shouldn't be relying on her friends for sales. She needs to be looking at a marketing plan, but if she has written a short book, then it's unlikely to sell well anyway, because people feel ripped off, especially if it's £10! Hasn't she looked at the actual cost of books on Amazon?

A good friend of mine is a writer by profession. I support and encourage her in every project. I proof read them and she pays me a small fee for doing so. She always gives me a book with a signed dedication inside. I’ve been to launch /public reading events to support her and write online reviews for every book. I know exactly what you mean about the pushiness, I see it so much on Twitter.

Depends on the nature of the friendship. If she’s a good and valued friend, buy one to shut her up. If not, it’s time to draw a line in the sand, cos she sure as hell will be writing a follow up.

I would have to tell her I was hurt, actually.

‘Dear Linda, I thought you valued my input into the book enough to give me an acknowledgement and a free copy. I spent quite a lot of time on it, as you know, because I thought my professional publishing knowledge was useful to you. I didn’t realise you were just setting me up as a potential sale.’

I would forgo a couple of coffees and buy a friend's book.
I would have to be encouraging. You could have a good chuckle if it's a rubbish read.

She’s already read the damn thing (and cringed at the sex scenes) and now her ungrateful friend wants to charge her for a copy.

I started out by assuming she was joking and responded that I'd wait for the reviews before deciding to buy or not.

This is quite a bitchy reply. If my friend had written a book I'd buy it no question. It's a huge thing!

I agree, the fact you've given her help and she won't even gift you a copy (not that it sounds like you want one) is cheeky enough let alone with her 'demanding' you buy a copy! I can see her sending friends a message saying my book is out if you'd like a copy let me know or something, but very off putting. I'd say to her as you've spent hours helping her you won't be buying as you know the content or feel it should be gifted!

Lol, i can't imagine telling a v. good friend that i'll wait for the reviews before i buy their book.

She’s just excited about her book. If this was a good friend who had supported me I’d have no hesitation in buying it.

If she was a friend, of course I'd buy it. Might not read it, but would absolutely buy it. And have her sign it. And tell her congratulations on publishing a book.

Because... friend.

I have had two friends publish books over the past 10 years. One did it the traditional way, via an agent and publisher etc. He has now written at least 10 books I think, most genre fiction, and is now a best selling author. I have never bought one of his books, he has given me copies if I’ve asked (he literally has boxes of them) and even signed them at my insistence lol. The other friend has self published and has been promoting his book online. But it is not a book that appeals to me so I won’t buy it. He has never as far as I can tell, asked friends to buy in an aggressive way. I think self publishing is a bit of a farce. Hate to be a snob but if an author has to sell books to friends is that really what he/she wants? It’s like trying to sell artsy handmade things or second hand clothes. Surely the point is to reach an audience outside of your own circle, and potentially end up with a proper agent and contract. I would just politely decline, saying ‘oh I have so much to read already, don’t waste a copy on me!’

I have written several books, and I make a point of never telling anyone about them. I would hate to think that people are only buying them out of duty. Also, I know how sneery people can be about "artistic" people, so only very close friends know about them at all. In a way, I guess I feel ashamed for being arty and self indulgent, but maybe that's just my upbringing.

Writing books is a form of madness. You are alone in a room, talking to people who don't exist and who do exactly as you tell them (well, more or less). You can't really discuss them with anyone who's not also a writer, you spend far too much time alone muttering both sides of a conversation.

And it doesn't give you a lot to say when you go out. This is another reason why many authors keep the day job, because otherwise it can make you behave like your friend.

I also hate being told what to do by bossy people.

I would tell her that you hate being told what to do and because of that you are unable to buy her book for the time being.

Unfortunately, IME, if you buy the book, your friendship will end in due time as you will feel resentful. Much better to be open and honest and say that you helped her with her book and won't be buying it for the time being as you don't like being told what to do. If she respects it, your friendship stands a chance, if not it's dead anyway and you will have saved a tenner.

I cannot understand how grown ups feel entitled to boss their friends, it's pathetic.

You sound petty

My job involves being able to write in an expert and engaging way, and I am occasionally asked to contribute to (non-fiction, specialist) books. I would cringe so hard I’d turn inside out at the idea of approaching my friends to then buy these books. I don’t broadcast it. People who know me well enough to know I have done this work sometimes ask where they can see it, and then I buy a copy for them. This kind of forced co-opting of friends into making you a success (for a given value of ‘success’) is terrible, and no way to gauge how good you actually are. The arrogance of taking up your expertise and time and then still expecting you to put your hand in your pocket is breathtaking.

I think I would be glad of an opportunity to sever this friendship now, OP. It will only get worse, whether the book sells well or whether it doesn’t - the next one will be just around the corner.

I think it can be a bit like a having a baby. You have produced this thing/person, you are proud, you love it and think it is wonderful and you want everyone to know how wonderful it is.

As a few others have said, tell her how much she's saved by you not charging her for your professional services and that you'll definitely not be buying her book. Keep this in mind and maybe be less available for her follow up books.

As for her crashing the event so she can try and strong-arm sales to the attendees, perhaps warn the organiser(s) she's planning to do this... 🌹

Would not buy at all.

I have a friend who self published, he wrote one, people bought it to support, he is now on something like 15 in the series.

I did read the first one, not my cup of tea and I didnt think it was well written, but maybe in that genre it is good.

It feels like once a week, he has a new one that has come out.

I have written several books, and I make a point of never telling anyone about them. I would hate to think that people are only buying them out of duty.

I'm one of those people (half the world) who has a book in them and is endlessly procrastinating in writing it; but I've always (theoretically) thought the same way as you.

You're very unlikely to make a fortune out of it, just by badgering your friends. I would much prefer people to find it and want to buy it because of the book, not because of who has written it. How little self-respect must you have, knowing that people have only bought it out of kindness/guilt rather than because they actually want it?

I'd never do well in big business, because I would much rather utterly delight a much smaller number of customers rather than force my way into a huge number of people's lives, and then just do the bare minimum to keep them just satisfied enough that they don't bother leaving.

I have a number of niche interests and I realise full-well that many people do not share them. This is where the internet works so well: likeminded people can find each other and enjoy their interests together; people who don't share those interests can find others who share their interests and we can all be happy.

Writing a book and then trying to pressure everybody who knows you to buy a copy seems particularly sad and embarrassing - like a pub bore who goes on and on relentlessly, with no awareness of how little interest their 'audience' has, but with the addition of expecting them to pay you for your tedious proclamations!

There's nothing to stop you from briefly mentioning it as an aside at an appropriate time in a conversation, but then at least have some class and allow people to pick up on it and ask for more info, if they want to.

I think it can be a bit like a having a baby. You have produced this thing/person, you are proud, you love it and think it is wonderful and you want everyone to know how wonderful it is.

I do get that up to a point and I can understand the pride and obsession.

But even parents eventually learn that no one is as interested in their kids as they are. For some reason authors often lack that self-awareness chip. There's a point where understandable levels of benign obsession tip over into blatant selfishness and my friend has long since passed that point.