Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to buy friend's book?

128 replies

Pluvia · 19/04/2023 18:15

A friend of mine recently completed an MA in Creative Writing and has self-published a short book. I have a background in publishing and writing and have been consulted regularly over the course of her study. I've also read parts of the book at various stages of development. It's genre fiction and not something I would choose to read or buy.

She's been telling all her SM contacts that when the books arrive we all have to buy one. I started out by assuming she was joking and responded that I'd wait for the reviews before deciding to buy or not. It turns out it wasn't humorous and that she really does expect everyone to buy a copy at £10 a pop. She's intending to gatecrash an event she hasn't been invited to this weekend in order to sell books and has let me know that she'll be there and I'll need a £10 note.

I know people will say 'It's only £10, what's the problem?' but it's the principle of the thing that irritates me. Not just the fact that I've given her several hours of my time and she still expects me to pay for the book, but that anyone should think that force-selling to friends is a good position.

I know lots of people do these writing courses: have others encountered this? What did you do?

OP posts:
Veryverycalmnow · 19/04/2023 18:51

Yeah, I always try to support friends but she's really pushy. I wouldn't know how to phrase it politely though and would probably end up buying the bloody book to avoid confrontation.

momonpurpose · 19/04/2023 18:51

BendingSpoons said it perfectly! Deduct the 10 from your services. The nerve of this woman to want to gatecrash

ChocolateBeforeBed · 19/04/2023 18:52

Awww... I am not sure this is really a friendship!

If it was my friend, I'd be the first in the queue to buy it!! Not because I'd be interested in it! (I HATE reading! Especially this sort of book! And most of my friends know that!) But because I'm her friend and would be so proud of her and so pleased for her! So of course I'd buy a copy to show my support and say a big 'well done'. I'd probably rib them a bit for gate crashing a party to sell them! 😉But we'd have a laugh about it and I'd tease them with some banter and we'd all have a laugh! Maybe some wine!

I guess if this person wasn't really a friend, I'd find them pretty annoying and not want to buy the book.

Maybe this person isn't really your friend if you are not excited for her and super keen to buy the book to support her.

ShowUs · 19/04/2023 19:02

I hate being told what to do and so it would really annoy me that she is telling me to buy it.

But if this was my friend and I could afford it then I wouldn’t think twice about buying a book off them, even if it wasn’t a genre I was interested in.

The harsh facts are that many people wish they could write a book and when they have a friend or family member that does they seem to get jealous and not want to buy it.
I can remember at least 5 threads saying almost exactly the same thing.

If she is your friend and has supported you then it’s only fair that you support her.

LemonLymanDotCom · 19/04/2023 19:03

I work in publishing too. Frankly, if I were you I’d say you assumed she was joking. That you were actually expecting a gratis copy, to check you’re in the acknowledgements at the very least, what with you having helped her so much already.

Perhaps drop in that such things are standard in the industry. Cos they pretty much are….

LadyOfTheCanyon · 19/04/2023 19:08

I would 100% buy the book if she was a true friend. It's akin to buying a little present. I have lots of friends who are DJs and musicians and I buy a hell of a lot of CDs and downloads and patreon subs and coffees, and I hardly ever listen to the music. I just do it to show support.

But I completely see your point Grin

CanadianJohn · 19/04/2023 19:19

Heck, buy the book. A friend of mine self-published a poetry book. Pretty bad poetry, in my opinion, and I've read a lot of poetry. All 'free form', no discipline at all.

I bought his book; looked at it for about 2 minutes.

I hear thru the grapevine he has several hundred copies in his hall closet.

Riapia · 19/04/2023 19:23

She's someone I've known for years, a good friend when I've needed her.

But now you no longer need her.
Tell her you have no reason to buy her book.

Original poster
Pluvia · 19/04/2023 19:24

Call me old-fashioned, but I really don't think that friendship should depend on people kind of lying to each other and pretending that someone's the new Sally Rooney or whoever when they aren't.

I have a horrible feeling that after buying it there will be pressure to give it a good Amazon review (yes, she's going to sell it via Amazon). Friendship isn't about cashing in. I've run a few figures and I reckon she's likely to be making a fiver on each book sold. Lots of people at the moment are stretched and a tenner spent on a book they'll never read is a tenner they could have put towards the electricity bill.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pluvia · 19/04/2023 19:26

Riapia · 19/04/2023 19:23

She's someone I've known for years, a good friend when I've needed her.

But now you no longer need her.
Tell her you have no reason to buy her book.

Wow. There have been plenty of times when she's needed me too. It's been a long, reciprocal relationship — in which I've never asked her to invest in me or offer me free professional services!

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 19/04/2023 19:32

I think you’re right to not buy the book. She’s pressuring you to do it, and also it’s a book that you don’t even particularly like re subject matter/genre.

Maybe her excitement has made her overbearing but she seems to be seeing everybody as useful means to buy her book, and promote her success in the publishing world. Off putting.

LadyWithLapdog · 19/04/2023 19:39

I’ve bought lots of shit over the years and donated to various causes to show support. It’s the price of a bottle of wine, a bunch of flowers, a nice box of chocolates etc. I think it’s a bit mean to be so resentful of her excitement, though I agree that gatecrashing is cheeky and cringy.

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/04/2023 19:39

Just ignore it and don’t have any cash on you in a v casual manner.

She is being pushy but I don’t mind that, however the fact you’ve already helped does push it onto cheeky fucker territory.

However, I wouldn’t choose this hill to die on. If it’s going to cause a load of hassle give her a tenner. You did help her so to an extent you have yourself to blame 😁

JudgeRudy · 19/04/2023 19:45

I'm with you on this one. She's very entitled. I'm quite principled so I'd be willing to lose a friendship over this - just to clarify, I would lose the friendship over £10, I'd lose it because entitled friend took offence/flounced/sulked when I said No, I shan't be doing that.

You said you've been involved along the way....come on be honest, is it tripe?

CurlewKate · 19/04/2023 19:54

Vanity published-no I probably wouldn't buy it.

If she'd actually got it published by a proper publisher, then I probably would.

Lollypop701 · 19/04/2023 19:58

If it’s not an issue money wise for you op I’d buy it and tell her that for some people right now £10 is an issue with col. if it is an issue you need to tell her that £10 is a couple of evenings meals for your family right now and yes it’s that tight so you will have to pass.

Be honest, she is your friend and she has tunnel vision right now … she’s retired snd placing her value on this book and sales… when tbh this book is a vanity project right now, although hopefully she’s great and will be a success!

moonspiral · 19/04/2023 20:01

She should be giving you a copy for free

SeeYouNextTLol · 19/04/2023 20:05

I would not be bullied into this shit. Too many people think they can write books.😂

Abra1t · 19/04/2023 20:05

PollyAmour · 19/04/2023 18:23

I wouldn't pay a tenner for a well known author's work, let alone a friend's self published fiction.
Most charity shops sell fiction books for 50p - £1.
Plus she owes you for your proofreading/editing etc input.

And if everyone only bought secondhand books you’d see very few new books published. Because none of the proceeds of a secondhand book go to the author. Obviously if it’s an older book or one by a multi-million author, this might not be so much of a concern. But for newer, less well-known authors, secondhand book sales are a real downer.

Borrow free from a library and there’s a change the author will get the public lending royalty, if the library is on that year’s sample list. Or buy an ebook in a 99p promotion and at least that’s 20p-35p or so for the author.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/04/2023 20:08

Oh I would just buy a copy. She's been a good friend for years, she's written a book (probably a long term goal achieved)...I would buy it, attempt to read it, and tell her what I liked about it.

Spanielsarepainless · 19/04/2023 20:17

I had this from an old friend, expecting all his acquaintances to buy the thing. Another friend of mine expressed an interest so I bought a copy for her. She said it was pretentious twaddle... If she is pressuring you she is not such a good friend as you think. Friend number one never asked what we thought, which said it all. He's working on a sequel now.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 19/04/2023 20:20

AHobbyaweek · 19/04/2023 18:21

I would be tempted to say "take it out of my consultancy fee you owe me"

This.

Red0 · 19/04/2023 20:20

Yes I had this where my (completely unqualified florist) friend started making festive wreaths out of shit from their garden. They weren’t hideous, they were OK, but they wanted me to buy one for £20/£25 and I was told that my not buying one I was being unsupportive and that they needed the money. I just said the wreaths were nice, but I didn’t want/need one, so in essence I would just be giving them £20/£25 for something I didn’t want. They were basically just saying to me “give me some money yeh”

AlwaysAuntie · 19/04/2023 20:41

I know someone who published (not via amazon) a book and relentlessly posted about it, begging friends to buy and review. I gave in, bought it, didn’t get passed the first page. Couldn't bring myself to write any kind of review, though I have read the reviews and it's easy to see who are friends with the author and genuine people who weren't coerced into buying it.

I know a few independent authors, some have become friends over the years and, while they promote their books on social media, there's no expectation for everyone to buy their books.

Justalittlebitduckling · 19/04/2023 20:49

If it’s a good friend I would buy it. It’s not much more than buying them a glass of wine on a night out. I wouldn’t read it or pretend that I’d read it. I think it’s just about supporting your friends at things they’re really excited about.

But I don’t work in publishing! I think she should have given you a copy really, and mentioned you in the acknowledgements.