To not want to buy friend's book?

[Pluvia]

A friend of mine recently completed an MA in Creative Writing and has self-published a short book. I have a background in publishing and writing and have been consulted regularly over the course of her study. I've also read parts of the book at various stages of development. It's genre fiction and not something I would choose to read or buy.

She's been telling all her SM contacts that when the books arrive we all have to buy one. I started out by assuming she was joking and responded that I'd wait for the reviews before deciding to buy or not. It turns out it wasn't humorous and that she really does expect everyone to buy a copy at £10 a pop. She's intending to gatecrash an event she hasn't been invited to this weekend in order to sell books and has let me know that she'll be there and I'll need a £10 note.

I know people will say 'It's only £10, what's the problem?' but it's the principle of the thing that irritates me. Not just the fact that I've given her several hours of my time and she still expects me to pay for the book, but that anyone should think that force-selling to friends is a good position.

I know lots of people do these writing courses: have others encountered this? What did you do?

My friend has published two books, but she doesn’t “bang on” about them and certainly doesn’t ask friends to buy them.

To everyone saying just buy it: I self published an ebook, it cost something like 70p. I was surprised at how many acquaintances bought it, presumably to 'show support', and saddened that not a single one actually read it. I never said anything, just quietly unpublished the book and got on with my life, but I certainly think no one should waste their money on a book they don't want to read. Maybe it's different if you've got hard copies to shift, but the sympathy buys did me more harm than good really.

It seems like even more than 'just' self-absorption - if they just wanted everybody to read what they've written, they'd be trying to give away free copies to all of their friends and family.

It's much more like self-absorption PLUS a shameless money-making grift. In what other scenario would you be sharing your thoughts, opinions, advice, useful information with your friends - but then expecting them to pay you money for it?!

GlumyGloomer

That's how I'd see it too. Either you're desperate for money, in which case you could always ask all your friends if they could maybe spare you a pound out of kindness; or otherwise you have something that they value and want to pay for.

I would very much rather be 'speaking' to a small appreciative audience rather than bothering loads of people who aren't interested. Maybe the writing equivalent of BBC4: where the majority will see what's on and say "Boring! What's on ITV?!" - but a minority of people will actively choose it and thoroughly enjoy it.

I sympathise, a friend of mine published a tour guide to our city and started pushing it. Nice person and I really admired their drive ...but the Facebook ads had poor English and typos so I just knew it wasn't for me. Reading fiction is a big investment and there's enough books I do want to read to more than fill my time.

Exactly. Writing a book is an incredibly arrogant thing to do. There are enough masterpieces out there to last most people a lifetime. Your friend not only expects you to spend £10 on her book (instead of spending it on a Thomas Hardy or George Eliot paperback), but to devote three or four days to reading it. I have piles and piles of books on my shelves that I'll never get through – masterpieces by Henry James, Dickens, Jane Austen, Virginia Woolf, etc, not to mention non-fiction works by Richard Dawkins, John Ruskin, Carl Sagan. Why should I (or you) spend my time reading her mediocre stuff instead? It wouldn't be so bad if a major publisher had given it the stamp of approval by publishing it themselves. But she's self-publishing!

One side point here. People who are being sniffy about those who self publish, bear in mind that if you self publish on Amazon then you get 70% royalties, which is much higher than you would get by going down the trad route. So there are a number of successful authors who stay independent just because it pays a lot better, particularly if you are savvy with marketing.

If you can afford it just buy it. You've already been a great friend, this is just another aspect of it.

I've got friends who've written books and self produced music and it's all stuff I've bought and never touched again. I just think of it as a way of supporting them.

You're concerned about other people being pressured into it but that's not your problem.

Like pp I would probably buy a book/album/artwork by a friend if I could afford it even if I didn't particularly like it, just to be supportive. But the entitled way she is pushing her friends to buy it would make it a very different situation. I used to run a toddler activity group and when I started I told my mum friends about it but if they didn't come I didn't push them on it anymore or insist that they come. It's okay to tell your friends about your work but not okay to expect people to buy it.

I think that's a very salient point above, whereby people don't necessarily even need to dislike your book, but just not like it as much as others that they would always choose in preference.

One of my own niche interests (that I know a great many people do not share!) is Eurovision, and people will often rage when an objectively half-decent song gets nul points - apparently not realising that it could quite feasibly be every country's 11th favourite song (so well above the mid point), but with only 10 scores to give out, that doesn't mean that people are deciding to give it nothing; just that they are deciding to focus their limited resources on their preferences, meaning that there is nothing left for anything that misses the cut, however narrowly and however otherwise worthy.

She should being giving you a copy as a thank you for your help

One side point here. People who are being sniffy about those who self publish, bear in mind that if you self publish on Amazon then you get 70% royalties, which is much higher than you would get by going down the trad route. So there are a number of successful authors who stay independent just because it pays a lot better, particularly if you are savvy with marketing.

Yes, this. I think the old assumption of people vanity publishing - because no publisher thinks their work is up to much - and then only selling it to all of their friends is very outdated.

It reminds me of the time when people would sniff belittlingly about information that people read online - "Oh, is that something you saw on the INTERNET?!" Nowadays, you'd just show yourself up as the biggest idiot going if you tried to make out that the world's primary source for sharing information (as a whole) were somehow automatically inferior.

That sounds like a nice idea in theory, MrsCharlesFrere, but I don't live in a world where, unless someone is in dire straits, we support friends by giving them money.

I've already supported her with advice and my time. She's far better off than I am: retired on a big index-linked government pension. It's not as if she's struggling. She could easily give the books away as gifts, showing a bit of largesse, but something seems to have taken her over. It's as if she thinks she's the next Margaret Atwood or whatever.

Incidentally, when authors do give away free copies of their books to friends, I always wonder if they put a named dedication in there deliberately so the friends will feel awkward (and be traceable) if they give it to a charity shop, as opposed to just signing it with "All the best, [name]"

How awful. I bet it's mediocre bilge 😱

Love it!

Honestly I wouldn’t want the book or the friend with that attitude. When my friend’s first novel - which I’d read in instalments online - was published, she gave people who’d helped copies.

You wouldn't be supporting her by giving her money.

You are supporting her by saying well done on your book, I'd love to have a copy.

This isn't about money for you or her.

A very close friend I had known for 20+ years started selling hand made items and would send me a photo every time she made one up, detailing what was in it and saying "all this for only £X." When a friend bought one she would put it on her social media and share it in our group, gushing what a supportive friend they were. Average price was £40-£50 so they weren't cheap and I didn't like her designs. I bought one when she started and then she began hounding me to "update my collection" for every season. If we dared buy anything similar and she found out she would ask why we hadn't bought from her. We would have to make an excuse about having a voucher or it being a gift from someone or whatever as you could hardly say "yours are shit". She then began suggesting she do "make it yourself" classes for our events like birthdays or hen parties we were celebrating and expect us all to pay £30 a place. She was very wealthy and did not need the money so we were basically bank rolling her hobby and allowing her to say she was creative and making sales when she went to dinner parties. I am now very limited contact with her as it all got too much.

"To everyone saying just buy it: I self published an ebook, it cost something like 70p. I was surprised at how many acquaintances bought it, presumably to 'show support', and saddened that not a single one actually read it. I never said anything, just quietly unpublished the book and got on with my life, but I certainly think no one should waste their money on a book they don't want to read. Maybe it's different if you've got hard copies to shift, but the sympathy buys did me more harm than good really."

I'm guilty of buying a friends ebook and never even opening it. Back when I didn't know they'd be aware of how much read through they'd had.

That’s a bit rough. I’m all for recycling and buying second hand but someone has to buy the book new in the first place to make this happen plus authors have to make a living! They often put a lot of time and effort into writing so £10 is frankly a bargain for a lot of books and the pleasure they offer a reader.

I would personally just have bought a copy and either skim-read or not read at all if it’s a good friend anyway. My friend self published a few years ago and honestly the book really wasn’t great at all but I still bought and read it to support her.

Just buy it to support her. It's only £10.

I would buy it, if it were my friend. We support each other. She's probably excited and wants to get it out there. It's just 10 pounds, if you can afford it, then why not? A colleague published a novel. I asked for the title, so I could buy a copy. But she refused, as she wanted to keep it separate from work.

She's probably excited and wants to get it out there.

But how is it getting it 'out there' if it's just a polite purchase that stays unread on somebody's bookcase for however many years?

@RideACockHorseToSunburyCross How do you know, they didn't read it?

You either suck it up and keep the friendship or explain you don't want to buy it and the friendship is probably over from what you've said. You don't have other options.