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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too old for dummy AIBU?

105 replies

SunnyMummy4 · 18/04/2023 07:55

We have just got back from a holiday with our family and not sure if I am being unreasonable. DD turned 3 last month and still has a dummy at night time (I had never thought of this to be an issue before) We out in the evening past her bedtime and DD was in the pushchair. She was really tired but was struggling settle, so I gave her one of her dummy and my sister thought it was bad that she was 3 and still had a dummy. Thankfully she didn’t say anything to DD but I was still a bit taken back by her response as I have never batted an eyelid about it before.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 18/04/2023 07:56

I think at around 3 it’s probably a good time to be looking at taking away the dummy, but not on holiday and it’s certainly not for others to judge.

ChocChipHandbag · 18/04/2023 07:58

It happens and it's not a huge deal if only at night but yes, it is getting a bit old. DS still had one at night until he was almost 4, but we were trying to get rid of of it at night from 3 onwards. If I had the time again I would not let it go on so long. It was just a night time comfort habit for him. It's bad for their teeth.

Hoardasurass · 18/04/2023 08:00

Sorry but yes you are. The dummy will be damaging her teeth and palate really you should have got rid of it as soon as her teeth started to come in

Albiboba · 18/04/2023 08:01

It definitely on the tail end of what is usually considered as normal or reasonable.

PurBal · 18/04/2023 08:01

A dummy “should” be removed by 12 months (though I’ve read everything from 6-18), it’s speech and teeth problems that HCP are concerned about. But I don’t think toddlers got the memo. Do what you need to do for
your child. Don’t worry about what others think. And if you choose to wean her off it, don’t do it on holiday.

Tarantullah · 18/04/2023 08:01

DS had a dummy until his 4th birthday where we made a big deal of leaving them for the dummy fairy. Aside from the first night he was fine and wish we had done it sooner.

Upsirdown · 18/04/2023 08:02

I know several people who used dummies until they were nearly 10 and it didn’t do them any harm. Another DF has a 5 yo who currently uses one. I would say go with what feels right for you and DD.

IamAlso4eels · 18/04/2023 08:02

Three years old and just having it at bedtime is not all that unusual. One of my DC had a dummy and gave it up by themselves at around that age. They just had it for bed and I would go in once they were asleep and pop it out so they were only really having it for the 10-20 minutes it took to fall asleep. I waited until I had a week off work to deal with the broken sleep and on day one of it we sent the dummy off to some new babies - DC put the dummy in a little bag and left it hanging on the bedroom door, once they were asleep (which did take a while that first night) I took the dummy and put some goodies in the bag for them to find next morning.

Original poster
SunnyMummy4 · 18/04/2023 08:03

IamAlso4eels · 18/04/2023 08:02

Three years old and just having it at bedtime is not all that unusual. One of my DC had a dummy and gave it up by themselves at around that age. They just had it for bed and I would go in once they were asleep and pop it out so they were only really having it for the 10-20 minutes it took to fall asleep. I waited until I had a week off work to deal with the broken sleep and on day one of it we sent the dummy off to some new babies - DC put the dummy in a little bag and left it hanging on the bedroom door, once they were asleep (which did take a while that first night) I took the dummy and put some goodies in the bag for them to find next morning.

DD sometimes is not bothered with the dummy but other times she will ask me for it so I think it’s more of a comfort thing rather than a habit if that makes sense. Low and behold she did sleep in the buggy if she had her dummy

OP posts:
londonrach · 18/04/2023 08:04

Abit old now. Most seem to be gone around 12 months unless additional needs from what my friends did. Dummy fairy? My DD gave hers to a new baby

Peapodburgundybouquet · 18/04/2023 08:06

I’d get rid of it now before it becomes anymore ingrained into her routine.

Travelisfun · 18/04/2023 08:06

My 3 year old daughter had her dummy taken away a few months before her third birthday, and I am planning to do the same with my two year old... although I am absolutely dreading it, I know it is for the best.
A lot of my friends kids stopped the dummy between 2 and 4 so I don't think it is very uncommon.

LlamaFace19 · 18/04/2023 08:08

Eh I think it's verging on being a little too old. I certainly wouldn't judge though.

Opalie · 18/04/2023 08:13

I used a dummy at night when I wanted until about 5 or 6. My teeth were fine because I didn't use it all day. DD is 7 and never took to dummies but she still sucks her thumb.

SallyWD · 18/04/2023 08:17

We did the dummy fairy when my daughter turned 3. I could tell it was affecting her speech and she just wanted it all the time. We had a couple of nights where she woke up crying, asking for the dummy but then she was fine. You have to bite the bullet at some point and it's never going to be easy.

Skybluepinky · 18/04/2023 08:43

It’s not been advised over 12m for over 30 years, as it causes dental and speech issues.

x2boys · 18/04/2023 08:50

At least you can throw dummies away I sucked my thumb untill.I was about 9 ,
ds1 was three and a half when his younger brother was born ,we had tried taking his dummy away,and he used to pinch his brother's dummy
ds2 although we didn't know it at the time is severely autistic and was very attached to his,dummy,he used to wrap something around the teat and suck it,so.I assume it was a sensory issue ,he just threw,his dummy across the bedroom when he was about four and never wanted it again!😂

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/04/2023 08:54

My dd2 still used her dummy at times, at home and in private, until she was nearly 6. When younger she had used it a great deal.
Her teeth have always been perfect.

IMO thumb sucking is a lot worse for teeth - dd1 sucked hers from birth and was still sucking it after she learned to drive! And you can’t take a thumb away.

When I was a very new young parent (a long time ago now) there was still an awful lot of snobbery about dummies - they were seen as ‘common’. I only resorted to one with a new dd2 because she had classic 3 months colic, and it was the only thing that seemed to give her any relief. I don’t mind admitting that it proved to be a godsend later - she’d happily go to sleep anywhere if she had her dummy and bit of blanket. (Cut into quarters once I realised how important it was!)

Whatabouteverything · 18/04/2023 08:59

Tarantullah · 18/04/2023 08:01

DS had a dummy until his 4th birthday where we made a big deal of leaving them for the dummy fairy. Aside from the first night he was fine and wish we had done it sooner.

This. My daughter didn't struggle at all and was very dependent on her dummy at night. We did the dummy fairy age 3 and wished we'd done it sooner!

CarmenBizet · 18/04/2023 09:02

Have you honestly never come across the idea that a dummy should be removed by a certain age?

The NHS say by 12m. Has a health visitor never told you, or have you never done any research into it yourself?

There are various issues with long term dummy use, from incorrect positioning of teeth to speech problems. Not to mention that it gets harder and harder to get rid as they get older.

Just finding it a bit hard to believe someone with a three year old has never ever come across the idea that dummies should be taken away by 12m. Never been to the dentist?

MissMaple82 · 18/04/2023 09:12

Upsirdown · 18/04/2023 08:02

I know several people who used dummies until they were nearly 10 and it didn’t do them any harm. Another DF has a 5 yo who currently uses one. I would say go with what feels right for you and DD.

This is NOT appropriate and should not be encouraged

Schoolplacechoicemyth · 18/04/2023 09:13

There are three kids at my DC nursert still using dummies at this age, all have noticeable dummy gap teeth and speak poorly.

Maybe if it was too late for her to be out one of you could have taken her back and put her to bed. Life with a young child-

  • sometimes you have to put their needs ahead of your wants.
Peapodburgundybouquet · 18/04/2023 09:15

Upsirdown · 18/04/2023 08:02

I know several people who used dummies until they were nearly 10 and it didn’t do them any harm. Another DF has a 5 yo who currently uses one. I would say go with what feels right for you and DD.

WTF? This is madness.

Schoolplacechoicemyth · 18/04/2023 09:16

IMO thumb sucking is a lot worse for teeth - dd1 sucked hers from birth and was still sucking it after she learned to drive! And you can’t take a thumb away.

No but the vast majority of toddlers engage in a lot of bimanual play and you can't suck a thumb and play using the hand at the same time. This forces the child to choose not to suck so this has the natural effect of weaning them off the constant sucking habit. Natural movements in sleep also means thumbs don't tend to stay in their mouth long at night.

Hugasauras · 18/04/2023 09:16

Dummies at night are very different from dummies during the day. At night, there is very little active sucking generally before the child falls asleep and the dummy drops out. It's unlikely to cause any issues with teeth used in this way. It also doesn't hinder communication because, well, they're asleep. Totally different to during the day when the child is awake, as they will be constantly sucking and unable to talk with dummy in their mouth. So if it's just overnight then it's not really that bad.