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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too old for dummy AIBU?

105 replies

SunnyMummy4 · 18/04/2023 07:55

We have just got back from a holiday with our family and not sure if I am being unreasonable. DD turned 3 last month and still has a dummy at night time (I had never thought of this to be an issue before) We out in the evening past her bedtime and DD was in the pushchair. She was really tired but was struggling settle, so I gave her one of her dummy and my sister thought it was bad that she was 3 and still had a dummy. Thankfully she didn’t say anything to DD but I was still a bit taken back by her response as I have never batted an eyelid about it before.

AIBU?

OP posts:
YellowGreenBlue · 18/04/2023 09:17

I'd try to get rid of it if I were you OP. DS2 loved his dummy but we ditched it around this age. His teeth are terrible btw!

LookItsMeAgain · 18/04/2023 09:19

PurBal · 18/04/2023 08:01

A dummy “should” be removed by 12 months (though I’ve read everything from 6-18), it’s speech and teeth problems that HCP are concerned about. But I don’t think toddlers got the memo. Do what you need to do for
your child. Don’t worry about what others think. And if you choose to wean her off it, don’t do it on holiday.

I'm guessing you meant months and not years in your comment above 😂
Though that said, I think I've seen a few adults on nights out with an oversized dummy! Ooh-errr! 😊

Ducksurprise · 18/04/2023 09:20

Can anyone find an actual study to show dummies damage teeth? Loads about speech but I can't find anything about overnight use, in fact I can find studies that say there is no damage. There are loads of studies that point to poor sleep causing disadvantaged outcomes.

The majority of teenagers I know have had braces, regardless of thumb or dummy sucking.

Blarn · 18/04/2023 09:22

Dd1 had a dummy at night and her nap until she was 4 (loved her nap!). Her dentist who I trusted as he had been mine since I was about 10 said that as long as it was just for sleeping it was no problem. She had no problems with sleep and her milk and adult teeth now coming through are beautifully straight.

Definitely wouldn't hurt to start suggest she tries sleeping without it etc.

Dibbydoos · 18/04/2023 09:42

I think this depends on your DD and you. Do what you feel is right.

When you do agree no dummy, provide a cuddle toy or blanket - dummies are a comfort, 3yo is still young, so that confort may be really helpful in the transition at least.

Good luck x

Sprinkles21 · 18/04/2023 09:52

We are in a slightly different situation I have a 7 year old with complex medical and sen needs and she still has her dummy, we get plenty of looks almost always by women and usually over the age of 50 my child is mentally 2 at best and if a sodding dummy brings her comfort in this crappy world we're all in she can have it till she's 20!

Blarn · 18/04/2023 20:19

This should have said she had no problems with speech, not sleep.

She had a tiny little collectible Hatchimal from a box of ten or so for five days, each morning after waking up without her dummy. After five days she got the rest of the box and that was her reward for not having a dummy. Reading it back it sounds really excessive! But she bloody loved those dummies, as a PP said, it was as much about comfort and routine than needing the dummy like a baby would.

FlounderingFruitcake · 18/04/2023 20:30

You’re fine OP! I personally don’t know of a single child that had a dummy and stopped using it before 2 and a half and many were closer to 4. Around 3 and doing the dummy fairy, giving it to new babies etc is pretty normal isn’t it? And if I were going on holiday I’d definitely wait until after I got back to do it! Our dentist is fine with DS’s (definitely less fine with his sister’s thumb sucking) and if they only have it at night it falls out once in a deep sleep anyway, so it’s sucked for only a few minutes a day whilst they’re nodding off and will make no difference to anything.

Snoopyandthemuppets · 18/04/2023 20:33

As least the dummy you can leave at home or buy a nice teddy to replace eg

my youngest did not get on with a dummy and sucked his thumb despite everything we did to try to get him to stop - until he had a huge gap and his mouth was out of shape at 7.

do it kindly and if ill don’t push too hard etc

PuffinsRocks · 18/04/2023 20:34

Ah my oldest had his dummy until he was 3 and 4 months, when he suddenly woke up one day and asked if the dummy fairy could come and bring him a present so we made up a whole story that the dummy fairy takes dummies to ill children in hospital, and when he ended up in hospital the next week with his breathing he got his dummy back until he came home again (then I binned them all). He's never asked for them again since that hospital trip.

We had so much shit and pressure from the PILs about getting rid of his dummy ever since he was a few weeks old, they were downright nasty about it to be honest it's left me with a bad taste how rude they were about it, but you've got to just brush off those sort of comments and do what's right for your child.

shutthewindownow · 18/04/2023 20:49

It will be pushing her teeth forward. Try and get rid it will be easier than you think

shakeitoffsis · 18/04/2023 20:50

3 is way too old for a dummy. I ditched ours at 2 just chopped the teat off it was way easier than I thought it would be.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/04/2023 20:56

londonrach · 18/04/2023 08:04

Abit old now. Most seem to be gone around 12 months unless additional needs from what my friends did. Dummy fairy? My DD gave hers to a new baby

My DD didn't get a diagnosis until she was at school. So the argument that SEN changes things is circular.

Turns out DD was sensory-seeking and actually benefitted from chewy jewelry at school too.

And her teeth are fine.

DidyouNO · 18/04/2023 20:58

I think it's fine for now at night to settle her If it's not affecting her speech or teeth formation then what's the problem. If she sucked her thumb it'd be far worse. You can't take that away!
I lived in Germany for a long time and they do dummies for 5year olds. Really common and they don't all walk around with protruding teeth.

RufustheSpecuIatingreindeer · 18/04/2023 21:05

Both my boys had a dummy, we got rid of the dummies at around about 3 and although we should really have got rid of them earlier there is no damage to their teeth. We did have to resort to bribery 😀

dd on the other hand sucked her thumb, continued until she was about 14 and then needed braces To correct the subsequent buck teeth

I would certainly try weaning your daughter off the dummy but certainly not on holiday 😀

LetsPlayShadowlands · 18/04/2023 21:23

You'll see countless grown adults every day who can't go 5 minutes without sulking on a vape. Let the kid have her dummy.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 18/04/2023 21:32

People are so judgmental. There are research based arguments against dummies at this age but at the end of the day having a dummy is not all that different from thumb sucking and there is not much you can do to stop that.

It's not about what's considered socially acceptable. If you want her to give it up then that's up to you, but don't make her do it for fear of judgement.....

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 18/04/2023 21:33

*and certainly don't do it whilst on holiday....

RufustheSpecuIatingreindeer · 18/04/2023 21:40

Dh sucked his thumb til he was 11, right up til his first night at boarding school…poor little sod

caringcarer · 18/04/2023 21:43

I've never given any of mine a dummy. I don't like them especially when they go on the floor then back in the child's mouth. My babies occasionally sucked their thumb. Do they take it to nursery with them?

Freshstarts22 · 18/04/2023 21:50

As a HCP I always advise by 12 months or ideally when the teeth come through. I also acknowledge and recognise in the real world this often isn’t what happens. So I advise to limit to sleep only and never at times when it could inhibit a child trying to make sounds.

I do think it’s easier to do it younger though, they’re less attached and less able to put up a fight and haggle with you.

I do think 3 is quite old though.

Ducksurprise · 18/04/2023 22:09

Freshstarts22 · 18/04/2023 21:50

As a HCP I always advise by 12 months or ideally when the teeth come through. I also acknowledge and recognise in the real world this often isn’t what happens. So I advise to limit to sleep only and never at times when it could inhibit a child trying to make sounds.

I do think it’s easier to do it younger though, they’re less attached and less able to put up a fight and haggle with you.

I do think 3 is quite old though.

Can you show me the research behind this?

Freshstarts22 · 18/04/2023 22:22

Ducksurprise · 18/04/2023 22:09

Can you show me the research behind this?

Show quote history

No. People way above my pay grade do the research and collect the data. It’s fed down and we give the advice.
Unless you mean the bit where I said I think it’s easier with younger children? That was just my personal opinion.

Freshstarts22 · 18/04/2023 22:23

Freshstarts22 · 18/04/2023 22:22

No. People way above my pay grade do the research and collect the data. It’s fed down and we give the advice.
Unless you mean the bit where I said I think it’s easier with younger children? That was just my personal opinion.

Show quote history

The effect on speech I’ve seen first hand many times.

Peppadog · 18/04/2023 22:25

It's really not a big deal, presumably it falls out her mouth at night anyway. Both mine had dummies at night until over 3, I really can't get worked up about it.