Too old for dummy AIBU?

[SunnyMummy4]

We have just got back from a holiday with our family and not sure if I am being unreasonable. DD turned 3 last month and still has a dummy at night time (I had never thought of this to be an issue before) We out in the evening past her bedtime and DD was in the pushchair. She was really tired but was struggling settle, so I gave her one of her dummy and my sister thought it was bad that she was 3 and still had a dummy. Thankfully she didn’t say anything to DD but I was still a bit taken back by her response as I have never batted an eyelid about it before.

AIBU?

I was a mum who was never going to use a dummy.

Dc3 still had one at nearly 4. From about six months she only had it for nap times and bedtimes but, boy, was it a fab way of getting her to drop off. We persuaded her to give it up gradually over a few nights, and even now (just 4) if for some reason she needs a nap during the day we let her have it.

The dentist wasn’t bothered as long as she wasn’t really sucking on it hard all night. As she relaxed and it fell out, he said it wasn’t a problem.

I wouldn't think it won't for a 3 year old to have a dummy at bedtime but I would be looking for signs that they are ready to give it up and if she doesn't always ask for it, that would suggest she would be ready to give it up soon. It is variable by the individual though. My eldest gave it up age but my youngest with development delays was 4.

My DS had a dummy at night..we tried to take it away when he was 3 but it was too soon for him. He couldn't sleep, would get terrible night terrors, so we gave it back. Dummy fairy took it when he was 4.5 and he was fine. It was the right time. He is 11 now and has perfect teeth!! His little brother, who was not too bothered about dummies and had ditched his by 18months, is (now 8) the one showing more signs of potential teeth problems.

Do what feels right for you and your DC OP and don't worry what everyone else says, thinks or how they judge

(Most kids get braces as teens these days anyway! Dummy or no dummy!! I was a thumb sucker - had braces as a teen and need them again as an adult!)

We tried to get rid a couple of times for ds2. Not interested. I went to the dentist and the dentist let him have a go in the chair and checked his teeth. He asked ds if he had a dummy -yes, and said ' a big lad like you doesn't need a dummy! And literally that was that! Never had one after although we did keep a couple to take on holiday with us just incase!

DD gave hers up at 2 1/2 with some help from the dummy fairy. Both Dentist and HV said it wasn’t really a problem if they were just using it at bedtime, it was day time use and talking with the dummy in that was the issue.

As a HCP that is a shocking attitude.

You need to be able to counsel families with accurate information as to the risks and benefits. Otherwise you are totally ineffectual- you are not a professional at all- I may as well read a website as see you!
I seriously think you need to reflect on this really poor attitude.

My DS3 has a dummy at bedtime. He has had a really tough time settling into nursery as a covid baby and been at home until 3 so we haven't successfully won the battle yet. At the moment he's been ill from nursery constantly but once he is better I have read about a technique to make a buildabear and put the dummy inside it so they still have it in bed and get the comfort. Going to try that soon.

Agree with your sister. Our grandson left his for the dummy fairy when he turned two, didn’t ask for it again.

My 4 year old has a dummy at bedtime. I've never had anyone make a comment about her dummy. Her teeth are fine.

Some kids have a favourite blanket, some suck their thumbs, some have a favourite toy and some have a dummy.

Meh. One of ours had a dummy till 4, and very occasionally when 5.

High needs child and needed it.

Our other two sucked their thumbs until later than that.

It brings them comfort.

I love these people who are like "IF YOU DON'T STOP IT NOW IT WILL NEVER STOP AND ALL THEIR TEETH WILL BE WONKY AND THEIR TONGUE WILL BE CURLY".

I've not yet seen a kid in school with a dummy, it might happen, just never seen it. Ever.

Personal experience is I've had two with dummies, one with awful teeth and one with perfect teeth. Awful teeth caused by overcrowding which as far as our dentist knows isn't related to dummies. They're 14 and 23 now. They can both speak perfectly and there's been no indication of SNE so far.

Both had them to sleep until they were at least 3.

Dummy fairy is fine. Taking dummy away whenever a parent feels like it is also fine. Do what works.

It's already entirely engrained in her routine so this is such a non response

My DS had his dummy until around 3.5 ...mostly at night or for long car journeys. He is 11 now and no problem with his teeth at all. The dentist said he has nice straight teeth and definitely no speech problems. Honestly thumb or Finger sucking probably causes more damage as you can't take them away! As long as you have a plan for getting rid of it in the next 6 months or so it's really not a problem as it sounds like you use it wisely. Some parents/People are very snobby about dummy use for some reason. It worked very well for us and meant he was a great sleeper in comparison to a lot of his peers.

I can counsel families and advise of the risks and benefits. You asked for specific research, that’s different. I will advise families to remove dummies as it is bad for the teeth and can affect speech infused frequently. I then discuss strategies that can help. I’ve never had a parent ask about research and if I did I would advise them to check google and do their own research. I’m not sure why you consider that bad.

I’ve never had a parent ask about research and if I did I would advise them to check google and do their own research

Brilliant 🤣

DD had a dummy until she was 3.5. She has no problem with speech at all. She did have braces in her teens but then so did non dummy using DS.

https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=dummy+pacifier+use+overnight+teeth&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&t=1681886323563&u=%23p%3DrLWXbb7W4iYJ

The results of the logistic regression analysis showed prolonged pacifier-sucking (≥24 months) to be a significant risk factor for caries development in children, with a rather high relative risk (RR) of 3.5 (95% confidence interval (CI), 1.5–8.2; P = 0.003). Prolonged use of a nursing bottle at night (≥24 months) was also a risk factor, but less significant than pacifier-sucking (RR, 2.6; CI, 1.1–6.4; P = 0.03). On the grounds of this study we conclude that prolonged pacifier-sucking (≥2 years) and use of a nursing bottle at night are risk factors for dental caries in children.

Hope this is helpful.

Generally, I’d heard it’s not recommended unless there are extenuating circumstances, for example, a child struggling with autism who struggles to be calmed any other way or an adopted child who hasn’t had the chance to get used to all the new settling in and missed out of key periods of their babyhood. I’m pretty sure it’s well known that dummies are bad for teeth long term, even just overnight. However, the constant use in the day too carries extra issues as it affects speech and language development too.

1 is the absolute oldest a child should be with a dummy. If they can walk thru are too old for a dummy. A dummy us to activate the sucking reflex that settles then to 6 months old.

I loathe seeing toddlers walking down the street with a dummy shoved in their mouth.

3 is too old for a dummy. Research has been mentioned above, but a quick google for 'dummy teeth' will show you the impact it can have. There may be children on here that were not impacted, but is it worth risking?

Well, mine is a thumb sucker and it's very hard to break the habit

So i think a dummy at night is fine aged 3

What would up have me do? Have an office full of research papers about every subject related to child health in case a parent asks if I can point them in the direction of specific research. Or do you expect me to have read all of the research and store that in my head along with all the data? That isn’t my job. My job is to arm parents with a be facts, which are all evidence based and allow them the o make their own choice.

No, but 'Google it' is just pointless and sounds pretty condescending (on point for HCPs working with children though). With the amount of misinformation out there and the fact that if someone is asking they perhaps don't have the tools to look themselves or to critically evaluate how reputable a source is, could you not give an indicator of publicly accessible research libraries they can search? Names of any info point the trust has? Pretty sure more or less anything would be more useful and less dismissive than just Google it. If you're giving information for people to make informed decisions on you should have an idea the kind of places you're getting this information or make it clear its just your opinion.

It might be useful to have a list of basic studies on common questions? It wouldn’t take long to put together. I know lots of health care professionals that could mention a study in relation to a question in their area. May not be achievable in your personal situation with energy/time overwork though. As sometime else said, it would be worth mentioning where to look as there’s so much misinformation out there. I once found a page where a supposed doctor was suggesting we feed children only on fresh fruit and vegetables. Their own child ended up being removed but the site was convincing (not to me, but I could see others thinking it made sense and sounded academically clever). Doing your own research using reliable studies only works if you understand the language used, which is specifically used so patients don’t understand as much.

Here is a meta view of several research papers. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17256438/

In general for premature babies , use of dummies decreases the risk of sudden infant death. However certainly by the age of three any child , unless they have special needs , should have discarded it. I often advised parents to tie a dummy on the Christmas tree and Father Christmas took it away for little babies and left a present.

They affect tooth, jaw and speech development. The development of the bone in the jaw and lower face are unusual in as much as they are almost entirely muscle led. So use of dummies creates open bites which will often correct once dummy use has ceased, but also can permanently cause problems with the palate , jaw size and jaw relationship.

Moreover in young babies/children the nerves in the mouth are connected via pathways to the visual centres of the brain. It's why they explore things by putting them in their mouth the sense of touch in a babies mouth is very highly developed . By having a dummy in continuously it's the equivalent of sitting in a darkened room. Ok for a while perhaps but..... https://neurosciencenews.com/lips-infant-brain-9535/

I understand that dummies have their use up to 12 months. They are saud to help reduce SIDs and to satisfy a sucking instinct. However I do think over 12 months is getting too old for one.
I didnt use a dummy on either if my two children.
However, you do what works for you.