Too old for dummy AIBU?

[SunnyMummy4]

We have just got back from a holiday with our family and not sure if I am being unreasonable. DD turned 3 last month and still has a dummy at night time (I had never thought of this to be an issue before) We out in the evening past her bedtime and DD was in the pushchair. She was really tired but was struggling settle, so I gave her one of her dummy and my sister thought it was bad that she was 3 and still had a dummy. Thankfully she didn’t say anything to DD but I was still a bit taken back by her response as I have never batted an eyelid about it before.

AIBU?

None of mine would tolerate a dummy.

One of them sucked his thumb though. Couldn't take that away even when he was still sucking it at night time when he was 4!

Personally I wouldn't sweat it.

Google it was flippant of me. Generally I would signpost to services, nhs initiative websites, or give leaflets. But again, these mostly give facts rather than specific research. The research is used to produce this documents/information.
I definitely would not give any more information than that or try and advise specific research, as frankly it’s not my area and I would probably be giving the incorrect information. Parents are of course welcome to do their own research. Surely most people know NHS advice is evidence based?

A health visitor has a very difficult job. They have to give information on a massive range of subjects to a wide range of people.

Unfortunately the average reading age in the U.K. is 11 , and that is amongst native English speakers.

In addition many people find any interaction with healthcare workers stressful and struggle to take information on board.

So therefore health information has to be given in an easily understandable and repeatable way. What a health care professional regards as research is peer review papers which help to form a broad scientific consensus. These papers are densely written and difficult to understand.

A health visitor, doctor, nurse will only have a couple of hours training , at most , on oral health and matters , so will rightly direct you to a dentist who studies for years , or to respected websites for further information https://abuhb.nhs.wales/files/patient-information-leaflets1/speech-and-language-therapy/information-for-parents-carers-helping-your-child-to-stop-using-a-dummy-pdf/

I am delighted that the correct information is given out in a readily understandable format and in a consistent way. When a health visitor may have to inform people on every aspect of care from serious health and behavioural conditions , to the basics of health, nutrition, growth and sleep , in a way that anyone , from those whose first language is not English , to those with learning difficulties , to the average person with a reading age of 11 , to the highly educated who want to question everything , I think we need to be mindful of what can reasonably be asked of them.

My DD had a dummy until she was 3. She only ever had it for sleeping. It was damaging her teeth so after a trip to the dentist she swapped it for a disney princess outfit!

Small post script , it's a personal bugbear of mine when people say I have done my research and equate googling something with peer reviewed scientific papers , published in a journal , which collated together form a broad scientific consensus . Reading a scientific paper , making sense of it and working out if it actually demonstrates what it says it does is a skill and art which takes time to learn .
The whole MMR and autism controversy was a scandal which continues on , long after it should have , because of general confusion over what research papers really are and how they inform generally accepted practice.

My friend is a dentist and said she would rather see a dummy than a thumb sucker and that damage to milk teeth isn’t an issue as they drop out anyway.
Mine had a dummy at night only as they got older and then we just waited until they chewed through the teat and explained once the last one was broken, there would be no more.
I think they were around 4 so before starting Reception.
None of your sisters business. My sister does things very differently from me. It doesn’t impact on my life so I wouldn’t ever say anything.

Ds used his till about 3,5 and stopped when his tonsils were removed. His teeth are perfectly fine and no speech issues too. Probably just an exception though. I wouldn't judge.

Far too old. It should have been gone when first teeth appeared or by their 1st birthday at the latest.

What's going back to the accommodation got to do with having a dummy?

Or you weee just making a nasty unrequested judgement, on how you think parenting should be done.

OP was complaining her child wouldn’t sleep out and about without the dummy, so that poster is saying if they had gone back to the apartment they could have avoided using it.

I agree with this. If your child is sucking it for a few minutes at night before dropping off to sleep, that's completely different from having it in their mouth all day.

@SunnySaturdayMorning the fact is the OP is asking is her child too old for a dummy, not on taking the child back to the room.

Beware the dummy effect on teeth. We had a colicky baby for whom dummy was such a comfort. We never thought to remove it as she slept so soundly. She only ever had it at naps/night. However by 3 she had an enormous open bite that we only noticed because she had a speech impediment and saw a speechy person. When she put her teeth together, there was a massive dummy shaped gap almost all the way round to her back teeth. We felt awful! Advice was to go cold turkey. We posted the dummies in the post box to the dummy fairy who brought her a stuffed cat that became her sleep thing instead of the dummy. At 3, you can explain, reason and make it fun too. We said other babies needed the dummies 😂Gap closed incredibly quickly (biology is wonderful) and her speech impediment disappeared with it.

Agreed.

It makes sense for health visitors to all sing from the same hymn sheet. Someone up the chain does the research and devises policy. HVs apply it on the ground when giving parents advice. If you rely on HVs doing their own research you’ll end up with a multitude of approaches being pushed on parents. Also correctly interrogating research studies is a skill and not one HVs are recruited on the last one I interacted with genuinely struggled with simple maths but that’s another story.

I think some posters here would be surprised how frequently the average parent demands to see the research.

Ds had his dummy until he was nearly 5, no dental or speech issues. When your dc his 20 you will never be able to pick out which one of their peers had a dummy. If they are only having it at bedtime I wouldn't worry.

Generally, I’d heard it’s not recommended unless there are extenuating circumstances, for example, a child struggling with autism who struggles to be calmed any other way

No child with autism I know got their diagnosis before 2, which is when the study was referring to @MagpieSong . Rather neatly circular.

I hate them but understand they can be a godsend for some. But three is WAY too old - don't most get rid of them once their child turns one?

My DS had one for sleeping until he started school . At that point he agreed he wanted to give it up as he wasn't a baby any more. I think it was put out for the dummy fairy who bought him a new cuddly toy in its place . That monkey went everywhere with him for years - including taking it when he left home a couple of years ago!

@Schoolplacechoicemyth My sister sucked her thumb regularly until she took up smoking in high school, and sucked her thumb into her twenties. She and I both have protruding teeth, though my mother had the “modern” pacifier for me, which went away when I was two.

My eldest had her dummy until she was around 3.5. Spoke fluently from a very young age, dentist never had any issues with her teeth and just said try to get her off it if you can. I personally didn't let her have it out of the house once she was over 1 but that's completely my own thing, on holiday I'd probably let that slide for a peaceful evening!

When she let the dummy fairy take it away to give to a new baby she had two bad nights but after that she's not asked for it again, which I never would have believed because that girl loved her dummy.

It probably is to old ours are 1 and 2 and all gave there dummies up by 9mnths as did our older ones

My DD is 3 this week and still has her dummy to fall asleep, most evenings I can see on the camera that it has dropped out of her mouth fairly quickly.

We have started talking about the dummy fairy and in a few weeks we will give it to the fairy in exchange for a 🎁. I have spoken to a few friends about this recently and they have given it up just before 3 at night and have used the fairy approach x

Clearly not, lots on this thread have confirmed that.

Mine had a dummy at nighttime until almost 4. Almost 9 and 12 now and their teeth are beautiful. Do what is right for you.

I remember reading it can damage their teeth formation, so can thumb sucking so it's discouraged at that age.
I think I'd perhaps take steps to ween her off it now.