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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son excluded from nieces party

111 replies

Briar250 · 18/04/2023 02:50

My brothers daughter was 6 last week and we come from a large family, there are lots of cousins - who were invited to the party. My daughter, who is 9 months old was Uninvited though as she was deemed too small to engage or interact and my brother felt that there were too many children attending the party anyway which she said costs a lot.

I can see where he’s coming from, but at no point did he even consider my baby. There were others slightly older than my girl and we could have helped out tbh.

aibu for being upset and disappointed

felt like he was trying to impress his and partners mates and put is last

OP posts:
Shadycurtain · 18/04/2023 03:03

Kids parties cost per child attending. A 9 month old will receive no benefit from attending a party aimed at 6 year olds as they will be too young to take part. A 6 year old has zero interest in spending time with a 9 month old on their birthday, they will want to play with their friends.

YABU.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 18/04/2023 03:08

Your son, or your daughter? Your title and post don’t match up.

Yabu to think a 9month old would get anything out of a pay-per-person kids birthday party.

KaihahUmoniiv · 18/04/2023 03:11

I'm confused because your thread title mentions a son but the op is about your 9 month old daughter. Of course the 9 month old shouldn't be invited to any kids party for anyone age 2 or over. Is there also a son of yours who you didn't mention in the OP? If not I suggest you use the "report" button to ask mnhq to edit the thread title to "daughter" so that the thread makes sense.

InWalksBarberalla · 18/04/2023 03:14

YABU. Your child isn't being excluded - they are just not invited for sensible reasons. It won't be the last time this happens so best not to think your child deserves invites to parties and get worked up when they aren't invited.

Simonjt · 18/04/2023 03:19

So you say your 9 month old daughter was excluded, how old is your son, and did he also not get an invite?

Parties are normally a per head cost, I wouldn’t be wasting money inviting a baby.

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 18/04/2023 03:25

What exactly do you expect your 9MO to do at a 6YO’s party?

I mean, on the one hand, it’s crazy to expect a 9MO to partake in a 6YO’s party.

But then again, I don’t see why they would have to pay for a 9MO. Surely a non-walking baby just gets in free, because they won’t actually be doing whatever activity it is.

NumberTheory · 18/04/2023 03:46

I’m assuming you just tried to fudge their sex to make it less recognisable.

It could genuinely have been about cost and/or figuring a 9 mo would not get anything from it (they wouldn’t). But, I think, your AIBU isn’t really about your DC, who at 9 mo has no clue about being excluded or not. The issue is that you feel excluded from the party your sibling was throwing when other siblings were invited via their kids. Do you normally get on with the sibling who hosted? Is there tension there already?

HoppingPavlova · 18/04/2023 03:52

Confused. Is there a son that is appropriate age for the party and friends with the niece? If not, and just your 9 month old daughter, then of course she wouldn’t be invited to a 6 year olds party at a venue. Not like either would get any benefit from it.

Original poster
Briar250 · 18/04/2023 03:55

Sorry was a typo, 9 mo is my son.

comments been really helpful

thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Briar250 · 18/04/2023 04:00

NumberTheory · 18/04/2023 03:46

I’m assuming you just tried to fudge their sex to make it less recognisable.

It could genuinely have been about cost and/or figuring a 9 mo would not get anything from it (they wouldn’t). But, I think, your AIBU isn’t really about your DC, who at 9 mo has no clue about being excluded or not. The issue is that you feel excluded from the party your sibling was throwing when other siblings were invited via their kids. Do you normally get on with the sibling who hosted? Is there tension there already?

Yes I think you’re right

was a bit of tension, but I think I was being paranoid too.

first baby (mine) bit of pnd that I’m gradually coming out of

many thanks

OP posts:
autienotnaughti · 18/04/2023 04:18

Tbh I can't see what cost a 9m old would incur? If it's a family event too and there's other babies or toddlers then I'd say it's rude. If it's the case that it's all similar age and your baby will be only young one then I'd say that's fair.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 18/04/2023 04:24

YABU, a 9 month old won't care about parties it won't effect them in the slightest and a 6 year old isn't going to want to play/hang out with a 9 month old baby.

SkyandSurf · 18/04/2023 04:26

YABU

Your baby is too little to participate.

Children's parties are hell and I don't inflict them on people who don't have children who would enjoy participating.

It wouldn't make a lot of sense to invite someone with a baby to an activity for six year olds. Celebrate your nieces birthday by bringing a cake and a present around another time.

user1492757084 · 18/04/2023 04:27

If all other cousins were invited then possiblya bit rude but if the group consisted of a selection of kids who niece wanted to invite then it is a logical choice that your son is not invited. The six year old will wish to play party games and talk and sing with kids her own ageish.
Your son missed nothing that he would remember.

Original poster
Briar250 · 18/04/2023 04:43

It just felt a bit rude tbh as all cousins were invited Including a 12 month old

but then I do see what would he get out of the party

i think that I just thought we were close as siblings and an ultra close family

OP posts:
Original poster
Briar250 · 18/04/2023 04:43

Thanks for responses all

OP posts:
Sunnysunbun · 18/04/2023 05:12

Son?
I think you've had a lucky escape. Send a drum kit as a present or some complicated art set. You don't really want your baby around a Petrie dish of germ ridden school age kids.

NumberTheory · 18/04/2023 05:59

If 12 mo cousin was invited I can definitely see why it seems like they’ve decided they don’t want to invite you.

I do think Sunnysunbun makes a good point that a 6 yo’s birthday party with a bunch of school age children really isn’t an envious social event, especially with an infant! And in that sense you’ve had a lucky escape. But it’s still a bit of a family gathering that it seems your sibling didn’t want you at and I don’t think you’re being that paranoid to find it a bit rude.

ZekeZeke · 18/04/2023 06:05

How does your 9 month old feel about it?
EXACTLY!

YABU

(that said, if a 12 month old is going along its a bit odd, unless they have older siblings, that's the only reason I can imagine them being there)

Eatingsoupwithafork · 18/04/2023 06:08

Hmm this post gives me pause for thought. my little girl has asked for a very specific activity for her birthday that my nephew who is 6 years older would have zero interest in. I haven’t invited him even though i know his mum will be upset. It is very clear he won’t enjoy it (and is too old to be there). I will explain to her but I think the natural go to will be upset, which is understandable.

Itsanotherhreatday · 18/04/2023 06:08

My twins had separate parties mainly, and often didn’t invite each other. That’s the thing with parties, you get to choose the guest list.

NeIIie · 18/04/2023 06:16

Was it an all girls thing?

ittakes2 · 18/04/2023 06:20

I am guessing this is a joke? People don’t tend to mix up their sons and daughters or expect their 9 months olds to go to parties

SnapchatJustForTheFilters · 18/04/2023 06:28

Briar250 · 18/04/2023 03:55

Sorry was a typo, 9 mo is my son.

comments been really helpful

thank you.

Typo? Repeatedly through the entire post? “My girl”? Actually typing “daughter” in the post is a typo?

Sure.

Mortimercat · 18/04/2023 06:35

Briar250 · 18/04/2023 03:55

Sorry was a typo, 9 mo is my son.

comments been really helpful

thank you.

Daughter was a typo for son?

How odd.