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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son excluded from nieces party

111 replies

Briar250 · 18/04/2023 02:50

My brothers daughter was 6 last week and we come from a large family, there are lots of cousins - who were invited to the party. My daughter, who is 9 months old was Uninvited though as she was deemed too small to engage or interact and my brother felt that there were too many children attending the party anyway which she said costs a lot.

I can see where he’s coming from, but at no point did he even consider my baby. There were others slightly older than my girl and we could have helped out tbh.

aibu for being upset and disappointed

felt like he was trying to impress his and partners mates and put is last

OP posts:
Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 18/04/2023 09:58

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 18/04/2023 09:55

I assume the 12mo has a older sibling that you haven’t mentioned?

Sorry that sounded rude, I meant it in the way that surely they would only invite a 12mo with other siblings otherwise it’s madness to think they have picked a cutoff age somewhere between 9 and 12 months.

thelongroad · 18/04/2023 10:13

I know this is hardly the point of the thread, but how can "daughter" instead of "son" possibly be a typo? And then consistently referring to "she" in the post?

Climbles · 18/04/2023 10:15

Unless the 12 month old is invited because if a sibling YANBU to feel hurt. However, there does sometimes need a cut off point and it’s hard to balance family politics like this.

Climbles · 18/04/2023 10:16

thelongroad · 18/04/2023 10:13

I know this is hardly the point of the thread, but how can "daughter" instead of "son" possibly be a typo? And then consistently referring to "she" in the post?

The OP is clearly trying to change details to make it not recognisable and has got herself mixed up.

fruitbrewhaha · 18/04/2023 10:22

Oh gawd, I think we need to leave the son/daughter bit alone now.

As per some previous posters:
Was the party as a venue where you'd pay per person?
And perhaps there was a limit on people?
Does the 12 month old have an older sibling?

I get why your pissed off though, if all of your brothers and sisters where together with their kids and y9ou were the only one not invited it's shit.

JusthereforXmas · 18/04/2023 10:30

How is both 'my daughter' and 'my girl' a typo?

purplecorkheart · 18/04/2023 10:34

I assume that this was at some kind of venue where you pay per child. A six year olds party is not a place for a 9 month old. I bet the 12 month old had an older sibling at the party. This has nothing to do with how close a family you are and I think you are projecting some issue you have with your brother or sister in law on this.

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 18/04/2023 10:51

So many nit pickers I doubt the OP will be back! A 9 months old baby wasn't invited to a 6 year olds party. Do the sexes of the children involved matter? Not really.

But oh the sleuths of MN, oooo a typo was it yeah right etc etc.

If you admit you're changing details to not be recognised but ballsed it up, then you've just outed yourself. OP probably tried to style it out by saying it's a typo and hoping people would leave it - but didn't count on the faction of Detective Mumsnet who just won't stop until every little bit is exposed, and the OP gets into real life bother if it's picked up by the daily rag.

OP - it's about the child and their birthday party, parties are a stress to organise as it is, and YABU to think you need to be considered. You are probably thinking about the social aspect for you, and how nice it'll be to catch up with the family, they are thinking about the logistics of a bunch of older kids running around a baby. Just go round with a little cake and have a more baby friendly affair later.

luckylavender · 18/04/2023 10:51

Briar250 · 18/04/2023 02:50

My brothers daughter was 6 last week and we come from a large family, there are lots of cousins - who were invited to the party. My daughter, who is 9 months old was Uninvited though as she was deemed too small to engage or interact and my brother felt that there were too many children attending the party anyway which she said costs a lot.

I can see where he’s coming from, but at no point did he even consider my baby. There were others slightly older than my girl and we could have helped out tbh.

aibu for being upset and disappointed

felt like he was trying to impress his and partners mates and put is last

You child was too young

MeridaBrave · 18/04/2023 11:40

I only invite cousins within 2-3 years of age and if they can take part. Eg for 6th Birthday would invite cousins aged over 4 and under 8. Maybe an older cousin could help for at home party but not if it’s pay person.

Theydontknowthatweknowthattheyknow · 18/04/2023 13:01

Tbh I didn't even want to go to my own 5 year old's party so I think you had a lucky escape 🤣

On a serious note it would irk me a bit too if a 1 year old cousin was invited but not your's. I think I would've at least spoken to you about it and said 'look I'm not sure it's a great party for a baby and I won't be offended if you'd rather give it a miss but you're welcome to come along'

Perhaps you could see if the family fancy a quieter coffee, cake and catchup for the said birthday to test the water a bit. IME though families are just funny buggars full stop. There's little point in getting upset or trying to change things because families are pretty good at showing you their true colours in the first place. Just concentrate on your beautiful little one x

Thinkingpod · 18/04/2023 13:18

Is it a boy is if a girl was it your sister or brother... There's a lot of wonky stuff here.

Was the party at a soft play? Or similar? If so, your little son who turned in to a daughter midway through, would have absolutely no level of excitement for the party or interaction and the group of excited 6 yr olds could possibly cause harm yo him/her.

Same if it was at a venue it their house with a bouncy castle. Kids are rough and 9 months old are small

redskylight · 18/04/2023 14:24

Peapodburgundybouquet · 18/04/2023 07:50

You see things very black and white, dotn you?

Show quote history

Funnily enough I am looking at a black and white screen.

But also not sure of the point you are making? Perhaps you could make a point rather than a personal comment?

JusthereforXmas · 18/04/2023 15:02

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 18/04/2023 10:51

So many nit pickers I doubt the OP will be back! A 9 months old baby wasn't invited to a 6 year olds party. Do the sexes of the children involved matter? Not really.

But oh the sleuths of MN, oooo a typo was it yeah right etc etc.

If you admit you're changing details to not be recognised but ballsed it up, then you've just outed yourself. OP probably tried to style it out by saying it's a typo and hoping people would leave it - but didn't count on the faction of Detective Mumsnet who just won't stop until every little bit is exposed, and the OP gets into real life bother if it's picked up by the daily rag.

OP - it's about the child and their birthday party, parties are a stress to organise as it is, and YABU to think you need to be considered. You are probably thinking about the social aspect for you, and how nice it'll be to catch up with the family, they are thinking about the logistics of a bunch of older kids running around a baby. Just go round with a little cake and have a more baby friendly affair later.

But sex of the child wouldn't give this away the details would and if OP is changing the key details then its a completely fake story and people can't give any advice or even comment on fairness.

I mean if last week you hosted a party for your 6 year old daughter and invited all family even a 1 year old but banned your sisters 9 month old as 'too young' then regardless of if the post uses male or female descriptors its still going to be bloody obvious when the daily fail picks it up. No one is going to say 'that senerio entirely matches exactly what just happened in our family but can't be us because they said daughter and my sister has a son'.

Now if in reality the scenario was their 3 year old son was not invited to an 11 year old girl pamper party for being too young and not wanting to have his nails panted while drinking mocktails and listening to Beyonce. However another 6 year old niece was invited because she does like and appreciate those thing then changing it to whats in this post would 'possibly' disguise it. However its only 'disguised' by COMPLETELY changing all the facts into something wildly different.

EasterBreak · 18/04/2023 15:55

Unless your son is actually 9 years instead of 9 months you are massively unreasonable.

Elaina87 · 18/04/2023 15:59

It depends on the type of party. If it's a kids party with their friends invited, its likely cost per head and very expensive, adults probably limited to one per child, a 9 month old won't get anything from it so don't take it personally. If it's a family party at a house or something then yes you have reason to feel upset and annoyed xx

Elaina87 · 18/04/2023 16:01

Oh it really does not matter though! Just give some constructive advice instead of pulling her apart.

poetryandwine · 18/04/2023 16:17

Again, will people please stop piling on the OP?

Firstly she has PND. Secondly she seems to be trying to disguise the details of her situation. If my DH were doing that he would be making similar mistakes, and he is a fairly esteemed professor. OP, I say you are in good company.

But I agree that if the 12 mo old has a sibling of an appropriate age for the party, then gently YABU. Otherwise, YANBU. Are you getting some help with the PND? Best wishes

Mariposista · 18/04/2023 16:31

At 9 months all your child (regardless of gender) can do is sit on your lap, look cute, draw attention away from the birthday child and probably need taking home early once they get tired/hungry/overwhelmed 🙄

EmilyGilmoresSass · 18/04/2023 16:36

Unless it was a family only party, it would never cross my mind to invite a 9 month old baby to the party of a 6 year old.

sarah419 · 18/04/2023 17:38

YABU i’m afraid! Similarly when your child is of the age when you will be hosting parities with age appropriate entertainment, you will realise that her cousin who is 9 years older won’t enjoy the same activities and likely you might leave her out.

Tigermearns · 18/04/2023 17:58

It did make me wonder whether her child was uninvited due to how she may behaves instead when she put that line... like her brother doesn't want her there embarrassing him in front of the other guests so he decided her 9month old doesn't need to be there anyway

StephanieSuperpowers · 18/04/2023 18:02

Eatingsoupwithafork · 18/04/2023 06:08

Hmm this post gives me pause for thought. my little girl has asked for a very specific activity for her birthday that my nephew who is 6 years older would have zero interest in. I haven’t invited him even though i know his mum will be upset. It is very clear he won’t enjoy it (and is too old to be there). I will explain to her but I think the natural go to will be upset, which is understandable.

Yeah, I had the same. I just had a chat with my SIL and explained. She was absolutely fine with it.

Iwasafool · 18/04/2023 18:08

Tigermearns · 18/04/2023 17:58

It did make me wonder whether her child was uninvited due to how she may behaves instead when she put that line... like her brother doesn't want her there embarrassing him in front of the other guests so he decided her 9month old doesn't need to be there anyway

I could understand that with an older child but a 9 month old baby? How bad can their behaviour be? They aren't going to be running round smashing things are they.

HolidayHun2020 · 18/04/2023 18:36

I honestly cannot get over how nasty some of these comments are. Vile.

OP, I understand where you are coming from a similar thing happened to us when DD was 9 months old. We didn’t get invited to a friends 4 year olds birthday because they had too many already ‘around 40 kids’ BUT all of our friends with kids did get invited and went along. It stung a bit as we had no plans and would have been an excuse for us to get out and see friends rather then something for DD to enjoy. I suspect this is more about you feeling uninvited then feeling annoyed that your baby isn’t invited. Hope you’re ok OP x