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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son excluded from nieces party

111 replies

Briar250 · 18/04/2023 02:50

My brothers daughter was 6 last week and we come from a large family, there are lots of cousins - who were invited to the party. My daughter, who is 9 months old was Uninvited though as she was deemed too small to engage or interact and my brother felt that there were too many children attending the party anyway which she said costs a lot.

I can see where he’s coming from, but at no point did he even consider my baby. There were others slightly older than my girl and we could have helped out tbh.

aibu for being upset and disappointed

felt like he was trying to impress his and partners mates and put is last

OP posts:
GiltEdges · 18/04/2023 06:38

ittakes2 · 18/04/2023 06:20

I am guessing this is a joke? People don’t tend to mix up their sons and daughters or expect their 9 months olds to go to parties

brother felt that there were too many children attending the party anyway which she said costs a lot

Is this another "typo" or was it actually your sister/SIL?

Honestly why bother posting if you can't even come up with a consistent narrative.

dancinfeet · 18/04/2023 06:41

when this child is turning 12 - are you still going to be complaining that your 6 year old has been excluded from a party aimed at pre teens? Or when their cousin turns 18 are you going to say that they and their mates are deliberately excluding your 12 year old by celebrating at the pub?
Even if both children end up being close, they will be very different ages and stages for most of their childhood (I had similar age gap with my nieces and nephews, and although I didn’t mind playing with them or entertaining them on occasion, they were very much annoying little kids throughout my own childhood).

shakeitoffsis · 18/04/2023 06:44

You are totally unreasonable

Robinni · 18/04/2023 06:48

Sorry but this is ridiculous, a 9 month old baby at a 6yo party?!

Whenever your child is of an age to be having birthday parties you will see how expensive they are and how totally impractical - and potentially unsafe - it would be to have a young baby there.

Your brother is entirely reasonable in keeping the party to older family members and the child’s friends who can actually partake of the activities in some regard.

cushioncovers · 18/04/2023 06:53

Don't be offended op. 9 months is a baby and not suited to a 6 years old party. You will get things like this happen as a parent. Your brother was thinking logically and financially. Honestly you will be sick to death of party invites in a few years.

Kittycash · 18/04/2023 06:59

Robinni · 18/04/2023 06:48

Sorry but this is ridiculous, a 9 month old baby at a 6yo party?!

Whenever your child is of an age to be having birthday parties you will see how expensive they are and how totally impractical - and potentially unsafe - it would be to have a young baby there.

Your brother is entirely reasonable in keeping the party to older family members and the child’s friends who can actually partake of the activities in some regard.

I agree but so is a 12 month old.

@Briar250 as a pp said you'll be glad not to get invites in a few years.
Sorry you've had pnd. On the party day get yourself and dc to a nice café and have a relaxing hour thanking your lucky stars that you're not in the noise and mayhem of a 6 Yr old party.

Londongal123 · 18/04/2023 07:05

I think you all are being too hard on her. It’s not about the baby it’s about being excluded. I couldn’t exclude my brother if my other siblings were invited. That’s just really sad. If my son excluded my daughter from his kid’s birthday I’d be sad for my daughter. I think she’s feeling left out and being a new mum can be lonely so sometimes kids’ parties are a way to get out of the house for a bit.

VisionsOfSplendour · 18/04/2023 07:07

Aside from the confusion over whether you q son or a daughter do you mean that initially baby was invited then univited because that is a bit off, you shouldn't withdraw invitation

What has impressing friends got to do with it?

Mortimercat · 18/04/2023 07:09

Londongal123 · 18/04/2023 07:05

I think you all are being too hard on her. It’s not about the baby it’s about being excluded. I couldn’t exclude my brother if my other siblings were invited. That’s just really sad. If my son excluded my daughter from his kid’s birthday I’d be sad for my daughter. I think she’s feeling left out and being a new mum can be lonely so sometimes kids’ parties are a way to get out of the house for a bit.

Well I think some of the responses are because this is completely made up!

She apparently has a son but her “typos” include calling him a daughter, “my girl” and referring to him as a she!

Peapodburgundybouquet · 18/04/2023 07:29

For my kid’s parties at home all family were always invited. I wouldn’t exclude a family member. It would be a time for everyone to get together and have nice good food and a catch up. If it’s a party in a paid-for venue it’s probably a bit different.

Hollyhead · 18/04/2023 07:36

Yabu, attending children’s parties is a tedious waste of weekend time in my experience, hold off for as long as possible!

redskylight · 18/04/2023 07:41

It would have been rude to exclude you it if was a family party.

It wasn't - it was a party for a 6 year old and included their friends. Therefore it's appropriate to invite similar age children. In a year or 2 it's likely that they will only invite school friends and won't want cousins.

OP - I will invite you to come back in 6 years' time and post about how you invited your DC's 12 year old cousin to your 6 year old's birthday party. Only you won't. Because you'll realise inviting a 12 year old to a 6 year's old's party isn't appropriate.

londonrach · 18/04/2023 07:47

Yabu. What benefit would a 9 month get a 6 year old party especially if the host has to pay for the 9 month old!

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 18/04/2023 07:48

Does the invited 12mo have an older sibling? Would explain why they were invited.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 18/04/2023 07:50

redskylight · 18/04/2023 07:41

It would have been rude to exclude you it if was a family party.

It wasn't - it was a party for a 6 year old and included their friends. Therefore it's appropriate to invite similar age children. In a year or 2 it's likely that they will only invite school friends and won't want cousins.

OP - I will invite you to come back in 6 years' time and post about how you invited your DC's 12 year old cousin to your 6 year old's birthday party. Only you won't. Because you'll realise inviting a 12 year old to a 6 year's old's party isn't appropriate.

You see things very black and white, dotn you?

mainsfed · 18/04/2023 07:54

It just felt a bit rude tbh as all cousins were invited Including a 12 month old

If they included a 12 month old and all other cousins were invited except you and your baby then you are right to be upset.

Whose was the 12mo?

OhmygodDont · 18/04/2023 07:57

You had a lucky escape. Your son? Would get zero out of a six year olds party unless it was maybe a hired soft play, at which point it’s full of six year olds running around like crazy and you thank the gods you’ve avoided a soft play party.

Your over thinking it.

Testina · 18/04/2023 07:57

Briar250 · 18/04/2023 03:55

Sorry was a typo, 9 mo is my son.

comments been really helpful

thank you.

“My daughter, who is 9 months old”

Must say whilst I’ve seen sun or sop as a typo of plain mistake for “son”, typing D A U G H T E R is one hell of a typo 🤣

Testina · 18/04/2023 08:00

“felt like he was trying to impress his and partners mates and put is last”

This is just weird.
Even if he decided to not invite your baby because he’s mean and doesn’t like you, his friends and his girlfriend’s friends are not even going to know - let alone be “impressed” by it.

suzyscat · 18/04/2023 08:02

Briar250 · 18/04/2023 04:43

It just felt a bit rude tbh as all cousins were invited Including a 12 month old

but then I do see what would he get out of the party

i think that I just thought we were close as siblings and an ultra close family

Does the 1 year old cousin have older siblings who were going?

ItsThePlayBusDingDing · 18/04/2023 08:03

Thank your lucky stars that you and your son/daughter were spared the hell that is a children's birthday party.

I would be relieved, not upset.

Againstmachine · 18/04/2023 08:07

You say uninvited were you ever invited in first place or did you just assume.

Also your child won't even know there is a party will get zero out of it, and a 9, month will be an annoyance at a 6 year olds party.

I have used child as even now I'm not sure what sex the child is.

ThanksForYourHelp · 18/04/2023 08:15

Yes, you are being excluded from family gatherings. You don't have the close bond you thought you did. There's no fix, but it helps to be able to see the dynamics clearly.

Skybluepinky · 18/04/2023 08:19

What a strange post u type daughter instead of son, and u think that they would want yr child at the party!

mainsfed · 18/04/2023 08:20

suzyscat · 18/04/2023 08:02

Does the 1 year old cousin have older siblings who were going?

Show quote history

Even if they did, if the net effect is all cousins were included (including a 12 month old) then leaving out OP's child was thoughtless at best, mean at worst.