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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask if you think Joe Wicks is tone deaf of just supportive of his wife?

328 replies

moderationincludingmoderation · 17/04/2023 21:07

Joe Wicks has caused a bit of a stir with a recent Instagram post - thoughts?

www.instagram.com/p/Cq8Q3XvrXqL/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 17/04/2023 22:22

It's just another post where new mums will read it and feel crap thag they havnt bounced straight back into 3 gym sessions a week and not pushing themselves

I don't think people need to not mention things just in case other people feel bad for not doing it.
I've never been to a gym in my life, I'm already aware that plenty of people do go, and are much fitter than I am. This post doesn't change that.

WestwardHo1 · 17/04/2023 22:23

It really feels sometimes that many MNers have either not seen a slim woman for years, or that they seem to regard all slim women as a personal insult.

SemperIdem · 17/04/2023 22:24

AchillesElbow · 17/04/2023 22:18

It feels like she’s under a lot of pressure to exercise and look like this to get Joe’s approval. He’s saying she’s worked hard and now she’s hot. It’s just a bit off. With 3 kids I’d want my husband to love me for me, not for my six pack.

I think that is actually quite unlikely. I imagine that, like most couples, they are together because they hold similar core values and interests so a shared interest in health and fitness would be a big one for them both.

moderationincludingmoderation · 17/04/2023 22:26

QueSyrahSyrah · 17/04/2023 22:15

Should the same attitude be aimed at Gemma Atkinson who regularly posts videos of herself working out while heavily pregnant and (after she'd had her little girl) post-partum? Or are we just picking on Joe because he's a bloke talking about it? Would it be different if Rosie had posted the videos and captions herself? They're both fitness influencers, it's literally what they do 🤔

As for being at the gym all the time, they have a professional quality gym at home and neither has a 9-5 job so I expect it's quite easy for them to each get a couple of hours a day in while the other minds the kids.

As for the 'she's too skinny' comment, have a day off, she's a completely healthy size and shape.

Fair point about Gemma Atkinson etc..

Interesting getting all the different perspectives!

To those assuming me and others with similar opinions are jealous / must be unfit etc.
It's a shame you assume that and can't beleive that people have different opinions and perspectives, and also that some people might just want to have a discussion with being called names...

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ilikepinknblue · 17/04/2023 22:27

moderationincludingmoderation · 17/04/2023 21:19

I personally think it's tone deaf.
It's very common for post partum women to feel totally floored, physically and mentally for a while. And to feel insecure in their bodies.
There are also many who can't physically work out due to either pregnancy complications, birth complications etc.
And then you have the issue of childcare funds, time, support etc.

So noone should celebrate any success as there might be others who couldn't have circumstances or means to do it?

ShirleyPhallus · 17/04/2023 22:27

I worked out throughout both pregnancies and then was keen to return to the gym after deliveries, but it took a good 3-4 months of gentle exercise before I felt able to pick up the weights properly. My second baby is the same age as Leni and I’m doing a bit more than Rosie, working out first thing in the morning or after the kids are in bed

im very proud of what I’ve achieved, motivating myself and being able to lift heavy things and not feel stiff and sore like I did during pregnancy. Id be proud of myself if I was Rosie and pleased that my husband was supportive of it

i tnink where the ick comes in is how many pervy videos and pics he’s posted of her. She looks lovely but there have been so many similar posts over last few days

i love her sense of style though

Meandfour · 17/04/2023 22:27

Spiderboy · 17/04/2023 21:14

I wonder how many of those night time wake ups he is doing😂

Presumably none, same as most men whose wives exclusively breastfeed. His nipples are pretty useless like all mens.

ShirleyPhallus · 17/04/2023 22:29

Meandfour · 17/04/2023 22:27

Presumably none, same as most men whose wives exclusively breastfeed. His nipples are pretty useless like all mens.

Their baby takes formula as well as BF, that’s how she’s being fed while they’re away from her at coachella

Blort · 17/04/2023 22:30

Just had the displeasure of reading through his Instagram stories. I've always liked Joe but he's gone out of the atmosphere rather than stay grounded.

They dont need a nanny they just have lovely mums ... one of which is looking after 3 kids 5 and under - for 4 days for a holiday! He maintains his relationship with Rosie by time alone spent cuddling and kissing... best decision they ever made was to mix feed from 6 weeks old. Aren't they a clever bunch!

If only we were all so clever. Surprised to see these posts knowing they had a bit of a SM kicking a few days ago about being smug.

ilikepinknblue · 17/04/2023 22:30

Wittow · 17/04/2023 21:22

Privileged beyond measure.

He was not born privileged, he created that privilege through his hard work and dedication. Nothing wrong with that. Some may feel jealous but there are also those who feel inspired

MiddleParking · 17/04/2023 22:31

AchillesElbow · 17/04/2023 22:18

It feels like she’s under a lot of pressure to exercise and look like this to get Joe’s approval. He’s saying she’s worked hard and now she’s hot. It’s just a bit off. With 3 kids I’d want my husband to love me for me, not for my six pack.

She’s a model married to a famous fitness influencer. There isn’t going to be a version of her for him to love that’s entirely separate to her body and fitness. It’s clearly really important to them both.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 17/04/2023 22:31

WestwardHo1 · 17/04/2023 22:23

It really feels sometimes that many MNers have either not seen a slim woman for years, or that they seem to regard all slim women as a personal insult.

Exactly this.

I exercised a lot during pregnancy, and post section, started gently again at 3 weeks PP, ramping it up at 5 weeks, and I got so much hate and criticism from people. Except my doctor. Who was brilliant and supportive.

I presume people don’t like being made to be reminded that they’re not doing anything and if they did more they could be fitter/whatever shape they want to be/whatever their goal is.

moderationincludingmoderation · 17/04/2023 22:31

"So noone should celebrate any success as there might be others who couldn't have circumstances or means to do it?"

Celebrate it, but maybe choose your words a bit more carefully if you have an enormous audience and reach?

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Stravaig · 17/04/2023 22:33

I had a quick look at the clips on the post you linked.

I think she looks strong and lean and toned, and that's inspiring to see, all the more so having given birth recently. It's wonderful to see active women of a healthy weight, at any stage of life. To be reminded that it's possible, and should be normal in a well-functioning society.

HOWEVER, I think she's let down by the male gaze of the video angles and commentary, and I think how much more inspiring and empowering it would be narrating her own story through a female lens.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 17/04/2023 22:33

moderationincludingmoderation · 17/04/2023 22:31

"So noone should celebrate any success as there might be others who couldn't have circumstances or means to do it?"

Celebrate it, but maybe choose your words a bit more carefully if you have an enormous audience and reach?

What is tone deaf? Is it tone deaf to be slender and fit now, in case it offends fat people? I can’t really see what you’re offended by.

ilikepinknblue · 17/04/2023 22:34

Bluebells1970 · 17/04/2023 21:29

Fair enough he's proud of her, but those videos are a bit unsavoury. Not sure that anyone needs to see that much of her crotch when she's weight lifting, but each to their own I guess.

I was proud of myself for getting dressed and brushing my hair when my last baby was 4 months. We all have our own goals I guess Blush

But he didn't put down those mums who cannot exercise, so why people are taking it so personally?

ShirleyPhallus · 17/04/2023 22:35

Blort · 17/04/2023 22:30

Just had the displeasure of reading through his Instagram stories. I've always liked Joe but he's gone out of the atmosphere rather than stay grounded.

They dont need a nanny they just have lovely mums ... one of which is looking after 3 kids 5 and under - for 4 days for a holiday! He maintains his relationship with Rosie by time alone spent cuddling and kissing... best decision they ever made was to mix feed from 6 weeks old. Aren't they a clever bunch!

If only we were all so clever. Surprised to see these posts knowing they had a bit of a SM kicking a few days ago about being smug.

What’s wrong with him saying any of this? I cannot understand the criticism here

brunettemic · 17/04/2023 22:35

Tone deaf? No. Opening yourself up to judgement and (possibly) jealousy and bitterness? Yes.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/04/2023 22:36

Plus she literally lives with a personal trainer!

I live with a literal guitar teacher. five minutes into him trying to teach me a particular riff I hadn't played before and I was wondering whether I could pass off his garrotting by an E string as a bizarre restringing accident.

phoenixrosehere · 17/04/2023 22:37

ChienChatCheval · 17/04/2023 21:56

If he posted this on a thread or group of women that were talking about struggling with terrible morning sickness or struggling to get back into shape due to birth injuries, I’d say read the room, obviously.

But an open post on Instagram, it’s fine. It’s for others to manage their own lives, issues and feelings.

Agree and having to address xyz when the post is about only his wife is ridiculous.

The whole privilege thing is also something I don’t understand why it needs to be addressed when many people know they have and can afford help and there are also many who don’t have those things that find the time to prioritise fitness.

SpidersAreShitheads · 17/04/2023 22:37

Hmmm, I'm on the fence a bit with this one.

I understand the point that he's just celebrating his wife who has worked hard to stay fit even in difficult circumstances. And she looks wonderful. All credit to her. Even if you are wealthy, you still need to find the inclination to work out - not easy with a little baby.

But I think there's an element of tone deafness from Joe here, possibly due to the language he's used.

The insinuation is that anyone can get their figure back if only they were prepared to put in the work as his wife has, and that any woman who isn't in shape after giving birth clearly just isn't trying hard enough.

I don't know a huge amount about Joe Wicks so can't tell if it's just clumsy wording or if he actually believes that women have a duty to prioritise getting to the gym and regaining their waistline asap.

For clarity, there's nothing wrong with women who choose to start exercising and regain their pre-pregnancy bodies. Good on them.

The issue is the societal pressure for women to "snap back" after giving birth - the wellbeing of the mum and baby should be the priority. If it takes a bit longer to get back to a honed gym body, there's no harm done.

moderationincludingmoderation · 17/04/2023 22:38

Tone deaf to not recognise that a huge amount of his audience wont have been, or wont be, physically or mentally able to excercise when pregnant, or post partum.

As others have said very eloquently, much better than me. There is a tone to his words that imply that all women are capable of this if they set their minds to it. And that simply isnt true. To me it's tome deaf, not to acknowledge that.

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rumpsteak · 17/04/2023 22:39

CherryCokeFanatic · 17/04/2023 21:22

I think the only people annoyed by this are probably envious (or in denial of being so)

I agree. I don;t see anything tone deaf here. Most people taking offence to thise probably didn;t execise before they had kids.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/04/2023 22:40

ShirleyPhallus · 17/04/2023 22:35

What’s wrong with him saying any of this? I cannot understand the criticism here

I don't understand either. What's wrong with one of the grandparents looking after the children when they are on holiday or for them to talk about mix feeding?

Bizarre.

moderationincludingmoderation · 17/04/2023 22:41

SpidersAreShitheads · 17/04/2023 22:37

Hmmm, I'm on the fence a bit with this one.

I understand the point that he's just celebrating his wife who has worked hard to stay fit even in difficult circumstances. And she looks wonderful. All credit to her. Even if you are wealthy, you still need to find the inclination to work out - not easy with a little baby.

But I think there's an element of tone deafness from Joe here, possibly due to the language he's used.

The insinuation is that anyone can get their figure back if only they were prepared to put in the work as his wife has, and that any woman who isn't in shape after giving birth clearly just isn't trying hard enough.

I don't know a huge amount about Joe Wicks so can't tell if it's just clumsy wording or if he actually believes that women have a duty to prioritise getting to the gym and regaining their waistline asap.

For clarity, there's nothing wrong with women who choose to start exercising and regain their pre-pregnancy bodies. Good on them.

The issue is the societal pressure for women to "snap back" after giving birth - the wellbeing of the mum and baby should be the priority. If it takes a bit longer to get back to a honed gym body, there's no harm done.

Very well said! You've put into words what I was thinking but couldn't get across well!

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