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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH left kids in car

185 replies

eatsleepeatrepeat · 17/04/2023 20:41

DH was driving back from kids club with DC1&2 (7mo & 2yrs) and stopped at the petrol station for a couple of microwave meals & wine for our dinner tonight, leaving both the kids in the locked car. When he came home I presumed he'd taken them in with him, but then I realised he didn't have the double buggy, so he eventually admitted he left them in the car briefly. He said he had eyes on the car the whole time he was in the shop.

We didn't really have an argument over it but I would just never have left them and was horrified he did, if only for a few mins. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
moonspiral · 18/04/2023 08:11

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/04/2023 08:08

@moonspiral

Sorry but both options are crap. Did you really need a microwave meal and wine? Did you not have any other food in?

yeah you’re so right!!

how dare they subject their children to such (tiny) risk!!

he should have gone straight home and eaten bread and water

cos that’s just what you do as a parent! The kids come first ALWAYS!!

It's not a priority. They can eat other food or go to a different shop or get delivery

DanceMonster · 18/04/2023 08:13

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 08:11

Anything they might have? Their own vomit? How would I know what's in the car?

Show quote history

Why would they have anything in their hands in the car? And they’d be strapped in, so not like they could roaming around looking for random objects they may choke on.
You didn’t answer my question above about how you feel about taking children in the car on unnecessary trips? Because that would subject them to far more risk than being left strapped in to their car seats on a petrol station forecourt for a few minutes.

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 08:14

nomoredriving · 18/04/2023 07:59

@moonspiral sorry but your level of anxiety and worry is causing your children a lot more harm than leaving them in the car for three minutes

If you really believe a car getting stolen off a Petrol forecourt or a child choking etc is a higher risk than crossing a road, then you need to rethink.

Do you have unchecked anxiety issues?

I don't have a car. So it's not an issue.

And no I have checked anxiety issues but thanks for your concern.

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 08:15

DanceMonster · 18/04/2023 08:13

Why would they have anything in their hands in the car? And they’d be strapped in, so not like they could roaming around looking for random objects they may choke on.
You didn’t answer my question above about how you feel about taking children in the car on unnecessary trips? Because that would subject them to far more risk than being left strapped in to their car seats on a petrol station forecourt for a few minutes.

Show quote history

I don't drive. Ultimately I don't care what people do with their own kids. I wouldn't take mine to a petrol station full stop. Not unless I could pay at pump or park safely and used a marked walk way.

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 08:16

DanceMonster · 18/04/2023 08:13

Why would they have anything in their hands in the car? And they’d be strapped in, so not like they could roaming around looking for random objects they may choke on.
You didn’t answer my question above about how you feel about taking children in the car on unnecessary trips? Because that would subject them to far more risk than being left strapped in to their car seats on a petrol station forecourt for a few minutes.

Show quote history

The reward is different. Wine and a microwave curry aren't worth the risk

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 18/04/2023 08:19

In over 15 years of driving I have never seen someone at a petrol station unload a kid into a buggy to walk across the forecourt. Has anybody else?

DanceMonster · 18/04/2023 08:20

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 08:16

The reward is different. Wine and a microwave curry aren't worth the risk

Show quote history

How do you know it’s different unless you go through all the different scenarios one might take their child in a car. For example I took my baby with me in the car to have my eyebrows waxed… surely that was hugely irresponsible of me? Not only could we have had a car accident, someone could have picked them up in their car seat and run off with them from next to me on the floor while I was having my treatment!

nomoredriving · 18/04/2023 08:20

@moonspiral it might be worth consulting someone, because your anxiety is extreme. What are the risks that you wouldn't take?

DanceMonster · 18/04/2023 08:21

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 18/04/2023 08:19

In over 15 years of driving I have never seen someone at a petrol station unload a kid into a buggy to walk across the forecourt. Has anybody else?

No, and I’ve been driving for 23 years!

nomoredriving · 18/04/2023 08:25

@DanceMonster you took your eyes off your child!!! Very risky!!

LameBorzoi · 18/04/2023 08:29

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 08:16

The reward is different. Wine and a microwave curry aren't worth the risk

Show quote history

What risk?

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 18/04/2023 08:30

LameBorzoi · 18/04/2023 08:29

What risk?

Show quote history

Spontaneous human combustion

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/04/2023 09:20

@moonspiral

they could choke on vomit whilst you’re driving

are u never gonna let them in a car??

00100001 · 18/04/2023 12:00

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 08:11

Anything they might have? Their own vomit? How would I know what's in the car?

Show quote history

But they could do that whilst driving along the
M11 ...

00100001 · 18/04/2023 12:00

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/04/2023 09:20

@moonspiral

they could choke on vomit whilst you’re driving

are u never gonna let them in a car??

Or in their own room.... Or ever anywhere??

00100001 · 18/04/2023 12:01

LameBorzoi · 18/04/2023 08:29

What risk?

Show quote history

Apparently the risk of choking on their own vomit....

Redebs · 18/04/2023 12:05

I would never go into a shop, leaving babies in the car. Sorry, OP, I think it was irresponsible.

WhatInFreshHell · 18/04/2023 12:13

moonspiral · 17/04/2023 21:14

Sorry but both options are crap. Did you really need a microwave meal and wine? Did you not have any other food in?

Hmm
Dis626 · 18/04/2023 12:27

YABU I've done this loads of times.

SleepyRich · 18/04/2023 12:33

I can't believe anyone would take their kids out of the car to pay at a petrol station. Even if you're anxious/risk adverse then it's clearly more risk to them walking across the forecourt. A tiny risk perhaps but I suspect the risk of being hit and injured by a car whilst walking about outside is higher then anything happening to them inside the car.

For my kids the biggest risk would be that I lost my mind having to ask them another 15 times to do up their seatbelts.

OldTinHat · 18/04/2023 12:49

YABVU

Nordicrain · 18/04/2023 12:51

I would probably have done the same as your DH, so I think YABU.

Original poster
eatsleepeatrepeat · 18/04/2023 14:56

Omg have just seen that Birmingham Live have written an article about this post! For clarity, I'm not crazy - I wouldn't have taken both the kids out onto a forecourt! The petrol station near us (literally on the end of our street, a 1 minute or less drive!), has a parking bay separate to the shop. I probably should've put this in my original post! If we didn't live so close by and he had been on the forecourt itself then I wouldn't have questioned leaving the kids in the car !

OP posts:
Zebedee55 · 18/04/2023 15:04

WonderingWanda · 17/04/2023 21:24

I do honestly think if anyone was desperate / stupid enough to break into my car and steal it with my kids in, they wouldn't get more than 5 minutes down the road before they'd be begging me to take the kids back.

Yep...same for me years ago. The kidnappers, far from wanting a ransom, would have probably offered me money to come and collect them...😬🤐

Nothingisblackandwhite · 18/04/2023 15:18

From 19 to 20 I worked at a petrol station , the biggest risk on a petrol station is being run over and over that period I saw it happen a handful of time , thankfully only twice really hurting people . Yes there is the very tinny possibility someone can rob the car , hit the car or a meteor can hit your car while the kids are in but still the danger of them being run over and really hurt is probably percentually bigger than all of those out together . Taking a child outside the car at a petrol station is a huge mistake IMO