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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH left kids in car

185 replies

eatsleepeatrepeat · 17/04/2023 20:41

DH was driving back from kids club with DC1&2 (7mo & 2yrs) and stopped at the petrol station for a couple of microwave meals & wine for our dinner tonight, leaving both the kids in the locked car. When he came home I presumed he'd taken them in with him, but then I realised he didn't have the double buggy, so he eventually admitted he left them in the car briefly. He said he had eyes on the car the whole time he was in the shop.

We didn't really have an argument over it but I would just never have left them and was horrified he did, if only for a few mins. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
00100001 · 17/04/2023 22:57

PollyPut · 17/04/2023 22:50

In this situation I would have skipped the microwave meals and wine altogether and found a bag of pasta in the house. Presumably the children weren't having microwave dinner too.

I still remember watching a TV (warning?) program where a child somehow let the handbrake off and the car rolled down the hill - it had a profound effect on me. This child was clearly older than 2 and not strapped in. But... I've always been terrified that if I locked them in the car when they were little, even for a minute or two, the lock might break, or I might drop the key in a gutter , and not be able to get back into them and would have to call the fire brigade to get them out!

When they were little we would go to the petrol station with two adults, or with no children in the car, so that we could avoid this situation.

Oh yes. Of course, all those petrol forecourts that are on a slope...

My local Esso has a 25° incline leading to a fire encircled shark infested lake with barbed wire at the bottom and sea mines dotted about. The cars rolling off down the hill, whilst a giggling toddler hold on to the handbrake he just released is a sight to behold.

00100001 · 17/04/2023 22:58

LittleRedYarny · 17/04/2023 22:56

How deep does this conspiracy go? I feel I should start a spin off thread to uncover the dark truth!

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You just wait until you discover there's Gregg's inside those shops sometimes too...

WandaWonder · 17/04/2023 22:59

Seadragonusgiganticusmaximus · 17/04/2023 22:50

Well I’m horrified that both OP and her DH drank wine when they are supposed to be caring for two young children. What if one fell ill or got hurt and needed to be driven to A&E?

I’ve never heard of anything so irresponsible in all my days… 😉

And the food was not hand made by their own personal French chef with the organic ingredients flown in from Tuscany

Mumoftwosweetboys · 17/04/2023 22:59

Rumplestrumpet · 17/04/2023 20:46

I didn't leave my kids in the car at that age, I opted for pay at pump instead. I just wasn't comfortable, and you can't genuinely keep your eyes on them the whole time.

But I don't think it's a big deal if your husband did, assuming he was quick and locked the car, it is probably safer.

Same as you. I always do pay at pump. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them.

00100001 · 17/04/2023 23:00

Mumoftwosweetboys · 17/04/2023 22:59

Same as you. I always do pay at pump. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them.

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But, what would you do if there wasn't pay at pump?

00100001 · 17/04/2023 23:01

WandaWonder · 17/04/2023 22:59

And the food was not hand made by their own personal French chef with the organic ingredients flown in from Tuscany

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The Nanny could drive them though

Dibbydoos · 17/04/2023 23:11

Yes you are over reacting. As long as he locked the car what was the harm done? Its not 30oC or anything...

Petrol stations have cctv on every angle that the person on the till can see.

WandaWonder · 17/04/2023 23:11

00100001 · 17/04/2023 23:01

The Nanny could drive them though

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But the nanny could be having an affair with the husband?

RedSoloCup · 17/04/2023 23:12

Always left mine in the car, think I took DD1 out then along came dd2 15 months later and I realised it was more dangerous than locking the car and leaving them a couple of mins.

00100001 · 17/04/2023 23:14

WandaWonder · 17/04/2023 23:11

But the nanny could be having an affair with the husband?

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That'll be what the wine and meal was for...

Emmamoo89 · 17/04/2023 23:22

Yabu x

Saz12 · 17/04/2023 23:23

I used to schlep pfb across the forecourt. Then I read something about risk of getting run over on forecourt vs risk of car bursting into flames /being stolen / etc. PFB then stayed in car whilst I paid for fuel.

HJB2021 · 17/04/2023 23:28

I wouldn’t leave my DS in the car ever to go into a shop, that’s just me though, I would be annoyed if DH had done it.
strangely me and my friends were having a similar conversation recently, we all said we wouldn’t do this. I agree with you totally!

LocalHobo · 17/04/2023 23:33

But the nanny could be having an affair with the husband?
I immediately suspected an affair when I heard he was in the garage shop only for a few mins

SD1978 · 17/04/2023 23:40

Yes you are. It was a garage forecourt, not a shop. But it's a big dividing one. Personally I'd rather not decant two kids under 2, wrestle them into a pram, into a shop, for 5 minutes, to then do the same again, on a petroleum forecourt where people drive like idiots, but some people would and that's fine. I don't see he's done anything wrong, or that your feelings are wrong.

00100001 · 17/04/2023 23:46

HJB2021 · 17/04/2023 23:28

I wouldn’t leave my DS in the car ever to go into a shop, that’s just me though, I would be annoyed if DH had done it.
strangely me and my friends were having a similar conversation recently, we all said we wouldn’t do this. I agree with you totally!

What would you do then?

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 06:36

00100001 · 17/04/2023 23:46

What would you do then?

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I'd go to a different shop

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 06:36

00100001 · 17/04/2023 22:42

So, you've never once used a car with the kids unless absolutely necessary?

Never once looked away from your kids for more than 3 minutes... You know... in case they choke...

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I haven't no. I don't drive. So there's that.

ivfbabymomma1 · 18/04/2023 06:55

I've never left my Ds in the car alone. My anxiety is too bad. Doesn't mean it's wrong if you do

00100001 · 18/04/2023 07:29

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 06:36

I haven't no. I don't drive. So there's that.

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..so why do you think that kids are going to choke in a car?

What do you imagine they're choking on?

nomoredriving · 18/04/2023 07:59

@moonspiral sorry but your level of anxiety and worry is causing your children a lot more harm than leaving them in the car for three minutes

If you really believe a car getting stolen off a Petrol forecourt or a child choking etc is a higher risk than crossing a road, then you need to rethink.

Do you have unchecked anxiety issues?

Lcb123 · 18/04/2023 08:01

I wouldn’t think to take them out. Probably more dangerous with cars driving around

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/04/2023 08:04

@PollyPut

“In this situation I would have skipped the microwave meals and wine altogether and found a bag of pasta in the house. “

how joyful!

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/04/2023 08:08

@moonspiral

Sorry but both options are crap. Did you really need a microwave meal and wine? Did you not have any other food in?

yeah you’re so right!!

how dare they subject their children to such (tiny) risk!!

he should have gone straight home and eaten bread and water

cos that’s just what you do as a parent! The kids come first ALWAYS!!

moonspiral · 18/04/2023 08:11

00100001 · 18/04/2023 07:29

..so why do you think that kids are going to choke in a car?

What do you imagine they're choking on?

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Anything they might have? Their own vomit? How would I know what's in the car?