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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for a handhold? Worrying news about unborn baby at 31 weeks

498 replies

ladydorito · 17/04/2023 08:31

Hi everyone, I'm posting here for traffic, I'm really sorry.

Yesterday I had what I thought was a "routine" growth scan following a period of changed movements at 30+6 weeks. The "good" news is that baby has moved into breech which explains the change in movements.

The bad news is, having had their femur length measure short but not worryingly so throughout pregnancy, baby's femur is now on the first percentile. This, coupled with a large head measurement (on the 92nd percentile) has resulted in a referral to fetal medicine. The specialist can't see us until Wednesday and I just have no idea how to get through the next 48 hours.

The team at our hospital were lovely yesterday. I spoke to a registrar who went through what the various causes of this could be. I'm short (5"2) with particularly short legs (although I wouldn't say 99 percent of people have longer..
) and was born two weeks late weighing only 6lbs so there's a decent chance I'm simply carrying a short baby like me.

But we've also been told this could be a soft marker for undiagnosed Downs or one of the other trisomys. The idea of getting this far in pregnancy and having that missed makes me feel sick. We could cope with a baby with Downs, it isn't what any mum would hope for but they will be showered with love always. But the idea of the baby having one of the non life compatible trisomys has worried me to the point I've been throwing up this morning.

Skeletal dysplasia has also been mentioned - I thought this just meant what I understand as dwarfism, which DH and I would be totally fine with, it would obviously be an adjustment but not life limiting or even massively life changing from what I have read. But now I've fallen down the rabbit hole and am reading about other dysplasias that are incompatible with life and again, the idea of bringing a child to term who will not survive is just beyond unbearable.

I can feel little one kicking me as I type and I feel like I've failed them so much for even thinking about the worst case scenarios. This is our much longed for first baby and after a terrible first trimester with a hematoma that just bled and bled, we really thought we were at the point we could enjoy pregnancy.

In a twist so cruel it's almost funny, all our nursery furniture is due to arrive from Mamas and Papas this morning.

I'm so sorry about how long this is but I think I'm just asking for a handhold or even advice from anyone who has been through similar.

Thank you so much. X

OP posts:
Museya15 · 19/04/2023 22:14

I'm so happy for you.x

spiderlight · 19/04/2023 22:15

That sounds like excellent news! You must be relieved. Really happy for you all 🤗

Singlemum19802023 · 19/04/2023 22:17

You are not being unreasonable! I would imagine that all mums have had the horrible thought of what would I do if this baby is “imperfect” in some way. It’s not something to feel shameful about.

the stress it can put on relationships, finances and life in general is enormous!

i had cancer and was taking cancer meds when I conceived. I was told at the start of taking them not to get pregnant when I was taking them, but I was also told I couldn’t conceive, so I didn’t expect to get pregnant.

I worried the whole time about the damage I could have caused to my baby and had many many scans and lots of movement issues. But she’s perfect!! And even if she wasn’t I can’t imagine ever being unhappy being near her!

This baby you have will be a blessing. Just take care of yourself and I know it will all be fine!! But know that it’s okay to worry and it’s completely normal to have feelings about it!!

if I’m completely honest, I worried that I wouldn’t love my baby as much if she wasn’t “perfect”’and how would I cope! It made me feel really ashamed to think that and I didn’t tell anyone. But it’s definitely normal and fine!

if you need to talk please reach out! xx

anewbook · 19/04/2023 22:19

❤️

Vee1987 · 19/04/2023 22:30

I’m so happy and relieved for you, OP. Your update about the nursery and books was so heart-warming. It sounds like your little boy or girl is very lucky to have you both already. All the best with the final countdown. Not long left now. x

Teenagehorrorbag · 19/04/2023 22:52

Glad to hear such positive news. The estimated weights for my DTs were way out once they actually arrived, there is definitely room for error in the measuring systems!

Look forward to hearing your update in due course. Hope you can now enjoy the rest of the time left before the big day...Flowers

eatdrinkandbemerry · 19/04/2023 22:54

My friend was inducted 2 weeks earl because a scan predicted baby was over 20pounds and mum is tiny.
She almost ended up in special care as she was only 5 pound 1 !!!
Scan measurements are often wrong and hopefully they are just being over cautious x

girlswillbegirls · 19/04/2023 22:54

Oh that such great news OP....I'm so happy for you!!
Enjoy assembling the nursery furniture and every single minute for the next few weeks before the arrival of your lovely baby ❤

eatdrinkandbemerry · 19/04/2023 22:55

10 pounds not 20

Violetcrush · 19/04/2023 23:06

Just checking back in for an update and so pleased to read your wonderful update. So pleased OP. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy Wink

PolkaDotMankini · 20/04/2023 00:12

Fantastic news, what a relief for you!

Wetnwindy · 20/04/2023 00:41

Fabulous news ..enjoy having fun in nursery tomorrow..so happy for you both 💐❤️

Lostmyself3 · 20/04/2023 08:21

Wonderful news 🥰

UlrikakakaJ · 20/04/2023 08:51

Really happy for you @ladydorito and wishing you and your family a happy healthy birth and beyond!

GiraffeLaSophie · 20/04/2023 09:10

So pleased for you both! ❤️

loislovesstewie · 20/04/2023 09:18

Just read your update. So pleased for you. 💞

tootyflooty · 20/04/2023 11:09

so so relieved for you, been thinking of you checkng in and out of mumsnet periodically since yesterday for updates, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and have fun preparing the nursery xx

Tessabelle74 · 20/04/2023 12:21

So happy for you @ladydorito hoping you have a kore relaxing last few weeks now ❤️

tensmum1964 · 20/04/2023 13:01

That's great news. ❤️

georgarina · 20/04/2023 18:59

I was told my baby was under the 1st percentile and had scans all the way through pregnancy. Was told she would be in NICU and would need genetic testing.

She was 7lbs and perfectly fine.

Another friend was told her baby would be 10+lbs. After a 'medically necessary' C-section her baby was...also 7lbs.

Good luck x

Backtoblack1 · 20/04/2023 22:22

Amazing news! Thanks lease update us when baby is born x

LizzyA123 · 21/04/2023 15:52

Lovely news .🙂 Very best of luck.

Nounoufgs · 21/04/2023 16:01

So glad yo hear it’s good news! Measurng doesn’t seem to be an exact science. all the best for a happy, healthy baby

Babyisi · 14/06/2023 18:45

ladydorito · 19/04/2023 19:27

Hello everyone, we are home and I just feel so overwhelmed by all these lovely messages. Mums are just the best and I feel so lucky to soon be joining the club.

We've had some really positive news. Our lovely consultant was very clear: he thinks we are having a healthy, happy baby who is just small like mum (and Grandma, and Grandad, and so on!)

One femur is now measuring as small but normal (seventh percentile), the other is still on first - but because baby is breech he said he was really unconfident of that measurement being totally accurate and much more confident that the "normal" femur measurement is the correct one. Humerus is also measuring at or just under one per cent, but the other long bones are measuring broadly normal and in proportion albeit on the smaller side.

He couldn't see a single other worrying marker for Downs or serious skeletal dysplasia, offered me an amino if I wanted one for peace of mind but stressed he didn't think it was necessary and I declined due to the early labour risk.

Only thing he couldn't rule out is achondroplasia (most common form of "dwarfism" which is not life limiting and does not indicate any intellectual disability) but he still stressed it's unlikely as I don't meet the threshold needed to run further tests which is reassuring, although, as I said to him, that wouldn't be a diagnosis either of us would find especially upsetting even if it did come to pass.

I'm being rescanned in three weeks by him but for now have been told to carry on as normal assuming that little one is happy and healthy.

We are both so relieved and went to Waterstones straight after to celebrate by adding to baby's growing book collection, and tomorrow we are putting up the nursery furniture I've not been able to look at (literally had the door closed) for three days.

Thank you again so so much everyone. This really is a special place amid all the madness sometimes! I'll be sure to update with a picture when my little monkey makes their grand arrival... ❤️

@ladydorito as i am at similar situation, i bumped into your post. So amazing to see so many positive stories and mommas supporting. any updates on your journey? Wish all went well with your LO - i have been having same issues with short femurs since w29 & w31. Ive been so anxious as i read things on "dr. Google" about short femurs as soft markers for DS & skeletal dysplasia . I just want to enjoy and be stress free these last weeks of my pregnancy journey. Handhold and believe in Gods plan 🙏🏻💙

ladydorito · 14/06/2023 22:26

Hello everyone! I wanted to share a little happy update.

Our magic girl Edith Elizabeth (or just simply Edie) made her grand arrival on Saturday at 38+5. She is an absolute dream thus far even if her entrance was a tad more dramatic than her mummy's nerves could stand at times.

Edie is healthy, a little on the small side at 6lb 4oz but perfectly proportioned. We had quite a long postnatal stay of 3 nights for feeding support and because I needed a lot of extra medical care post labour and she had lots of checks too - no one could find a single issue with her legs!

Hope you get the same outcome @Babyisi - I can absolutely promise she is worth every single second of the worry we went through and now our real adventure begins!

To ask for a handhold? Worrying news about unborn baby at 31 weeks
To ask for a handhold? Worrying news about unborn baby at 31 weeks
OP posts: