To ask if you’d consider me a failure? Be honest.

[Ladybirdshere]

I met with friends on Saturday I’ve been friends with for around 10 years. We are very close, meeting up twice a month on average and share things about our life.

Well Saturday turned out to be a sort of intervention for me by my two friends. They said that they wanted to speak to me as they’d been talking and they felt that life was passing me by and that they felt I wasn’t doing much with my life.

l I think this was mainly focused around around boyfriends and living situation as we are all 29, I am single but my friends are both engaged and both have children.

Anyway, would you consider me a failure?

1. I work in advertising for 32k a year
2. I’m well travelled, last year I went travelling around America on my own
3. I can drive and have my own car
4. I have a degree and a masters
5. Ive lived in 4 different cities in the past ten years

but I don’t have

1. a partner, I’ve been single around a three years. I had a really bad breakup and simply haven’t found a new person
2. i recently moved back in with my mum as my finances changed and it meant I couldn’t afford living alone.
3. I don’t have any children

Am I a failure? We sort of agreed to disagree and they said they wanted to just make sure I stayed on the right track :(

They sound like smug bitches - just because they are in relationships and you aren’t doesn’t make them more successful than you. Life is a marathon not a race anyway, who knows what everyone’s relationship status will be in 10, 20, 30 years … better not to rely on relationships for validation.

Your situation will change as you progress through life, so will theirs. I think you need to be honest with them that their comments were hurtful & insensitive and they need to focus on their own lives not yours.

Don't be friends with them. Post photos of your amazing travels with hashtags like #freedom and #lie-in

Your life sounds very similarly to mine 10 years ago when I was your age. Advertising job, solvent, no partner. The latter seemed to bother other people way more than it did me.

Tell your friends to roundly fuck off - your life, your business. And not everyone sees an engagement as a metric for a meaningful and fulfilling life.

OP there is no such thing as a ‘right track’ and even if there were it’s not up to them to make sure you’re on it! I’m 45, childless and never married - would you say I was a failure? I wouldn’t, there are lots of other great things in my life just like there are in yours! We all walk our own path, you just might need some better travel companions on yours…

Tell your friends the 1950's are missing them and to trot off back there! I'm in my forties and still not settled down with a man, and have no desire to do so, that would make their heads explode 🤯!

No you are not, I also moved back with my mother to save money whilst looking to save further/purchase a house. Not that I would be able to afford that now (5 years later) with the prices. Focus on yourself, not everyone wants 'that' life. I would not swap my kids for the world now but often wish I had seen more of the world before them. You do you, at your pace. Plenty of people meet in thier 30's, it's very different as both parties know what they want and no messing about. I wouldnt be happy with friends so clearly talking about me in detail behind my back like they clearly are.

You are not a failure at all. Your "friends" however sound like bitches, and I would be distancing myself from them if I were you. Whatever anyone does with their life as long as they are happy then it is nothing at all to do with anyone else. Incidentally, your life sounds far more interesting than theirs do - maybe they are jealous?

Oh, and I forgot to say, I am in my 60s, unmarried, and have no children - and I have never, ever, thought of myself as a "failure".

Ime people sometimes see others who make different life choices as being critical of them. Particularly if they are not happy with their life choices. So there could be some jealousy at play (from your friends that is). You still have complete agency over all your decisions whereas with young children they may have to plan when to shower!

On the other hand, if you've been in an abusive relationship and they feel this has knocked your confidence I guess they might just be encouraging you to 'get back out there'? You were there, so you will know which of these it is. But your and your friends lives are quite different right now. Different, not worse. I would hope if they are good friends you would be able to tell them that you feel hurt that they said/implied you're a failure when actually you're just in a different place to them at the moment. Their reaction will show if they are genuine friends or not.

Finally, as some one a decade older than you, whatever anyone's circumstances I think it would be difficult to be a 'failure' at 29! Unhappy at where they are maybe, but with LOTS of time ahead to make changes for a happier life! You do you OP. I'm sorry if your friends have made you feel crap.

I think it’s really sensible to move back with your mum!
They may simply be jealous.

Are they traveled and educated?

You're not an addict, gambler or in jail.
So no, I'd not judge you as a failure.

Bluntly, get used to being the abnormal one, considered a life failure by some women who already have kids. Eventually they stop saying out loud.
For aome people having kids is like new found religion and everyone should follow and if they don't they are just wrong and don't understand what they are missing. I think this is why so many just shack up with someone slighly suitable.

You are fine and you don't need to live life like them

Good grief they sound awful.
How dare they? Is getting married and having kids the one single way to accomplish a good life? What nonsense.

In fact you taking time to heal and not rushing straight into another relationship after a very bad one is extremely sensible and mature.

They sound horrible smug and rude. I’m actually fuming on your behalf.
Please tell them how hurtful they have been and that you don’t need to be judged by people who think there is only one path and anyone who doesn’t follow it on their chosen timeline is a failure.

You don’t need people like that in your life and unless they apologise and see how shitty and self congratulatory they are being then I wouldn’t stay friends with them.

Whoa! You are NOT a failure! It sounds like you have a great life and that by taking your time with relationships, and taking care of your finances, you are doing everything right. And who ever said that simply by having kids you are a ‘success’? This boils my piss. There is a lot of jealousy going on here from your friends. They’ve been talking (bitching!) to make themselves feel better.

I split up with my ex at 32. I’m now married to a lovely man and my children are both at middle school. This does not make me a success or failure. It just is.

Find some new friends and live YOUR life, not the one these ladies want to shoehorn you into. Lots of love.

They sounds absolutely nuts and 29 really isn't old not to be "settled down".

This 👆

They are judging you by their standards of life and not taking your wants and needs into consideration at all.

As long as you are happy, then screw them. Even if you're not happy, still screw them. If they genuinely had your interests at heart, there are soo many different ways to offer you support than this.

No such thing as a “failure “ we all have different lives, different purposes and different goals and values.

DD is slightly older than you and happily single. She has a great life. She is in total control of her time and her money. She does date now and again but doesn't seem interested in diving into a relationship. I'm so proud of her.

I think she might have better friends than you do.

I think your only failure is your poor choice in friends

They don't sound nice at all, it's great they are concerned. But if that concern is simply you don't have a partner or you've taken a sensible approach to saving for a house deposit, I think that concern is woefully misplaced by them.

If you were taking class A drugs and putting yourself in danger, then yes an intervention is great. If you choose not to have a partner and choose to be sensible about money - then no! They are being rude and unhelpful.

they said they wanted to just make sure I stayed on the right track

How dare they determine what is the ‘right track’ for your life! Maybe they envy you.

If you were my dd I would be proud of you, Op.

Honestly, your friends sound horrible. They probably can't stand the fact that you have a fabulous single life, and you're not tied down like they are to partners and children.

You sound awesome - well educated, well travelled, have an interesting professional job with prospects, making sensible financial decisions…what’s the problem. We’re in the 2020s now. Women aren’t defined by their romantic relationships anymore and the fact your friends are doing that and thinking they’re helping in some way is just weird.

Your friends r strange. Life changes. They may be engaged now but no one knows the future. Either may end up single parent to multiple children. Mean unnecessary intervention. I wish I was still 29. You are still very young. Consider finding new friends and live your life!

you dont sound like a failure, they do