To ask if you’d consider me a failure? Be honest.

[Ladybirdshere]

I met with friends on Saturday I’ve been friends with for around 10 years. We are very close, meeting up twice a month on average and share things about our life.

Well Saturday turned out to be a sort of intervention for me by my two friends. They said that they wanted to speak to me as they’d been talking and they felt that life was passing me by and that they felt I wasn’t doing much with my life.

l I think this was mainly focused around around boyfriends and living situation as we are all 29, I am single but my friends are both engaged and both have children.

Anyway, would you consider me a failure?

1. I work in advertising for 32k a year
2. I’m well travelled, last year I went travelling around America on my own
3. I can drive and have my own car
4. I have a degree and a masters
5. Ive lived in 4 different cities in the past ten years

but I don’t have

1. a partner, I’ve been single around a three years. I had a really bad breakup and simply haven’t found a new person
2. i recently moved back in with my mum as my finances changed and it meant I couldn’t afford living alone.
3. I don’t have any children

Am I a failure? We sort of agreed to disagree and they said they wanted to just make sure I stayed on the right track :(

By situation, I mean having a job and being well travelled btw. They’re dicks for even suggesting you need a man after an abusive relationship.
You definitely need new friends as it sounds like they’re friends with you to feel superior.

Someone living with their parents for any length of time doesn't make them a failure. In some cultures, it's the norm.

Those bitches are jealous.

I'd be finding some new single friends to go out with, travel with etc and sending them all the pictures of my cocktails on the beach.

I think it’s probably misplaced concern,..as you described it, they sound like good friends. From their limited life experience and PoV , they saw a problem and felt compelled to tell you.

you aren’t a failure! And it probably wasn’t how they wanted you to feel. Do you want kids? 29 is very young and ho early you do have time - I have friends who met their partners at mid 30s and went on to get married and have children.. it doesn’t get harder with age though, and egg freezing is probably something I would have considered at 30 if I know what I do know around conception .. it buys you time and options

its great to have quality time with parents but living with your mum at 29 honestly isn’t optimal and I think it’s worth moving out again even if it means paying more rent, in order to have more independence and your own life!

They aren’t your friends, they are probably jealous that you can live your life however you please whilst they are tied down! Don’t sweat it, it’s sounds like you have a great life going on

You are 29 and they think you are a failure if you aren't married with kids??! Personally I'd want your life and freedoms over their's. They are probably massively jealous of you because they are tied to their boring lives

I hate people who get smug and make you feel like a failure because you have different life goals. Ironically I worked with some highly competitive women who always felt I should be doing more. When one had a meeting with me to mention her promotion and point out I was falling behind, I had great delight in announcing my pregnancy 😂

You're not a failure by any stretch. You have plenty of time to achieve what they hold so dear if you wish to. Your life sounds amazing and my brain would be saying "jealous much?" if someone said that to me. Time for an artificial tinkly laugh and smugness about your enjoyment of life. I got married young but had my child at 29. We had a great time going to the theatre and going on weekend breaks without responsibility.

Your 'friends' sound like jealous bitches. I'd be cutting them loose.

jeez you are absolutely not a failure!

Very, very strange thing for your friends to do. I had my children mid 30’s through choice and I have PCOS.

Just URGH! How utterly ridiculous and insulting that they consider your worth is defined by your relationship status and whether you are a parent or not. There is no such thing as a single ‘right track’

They sound so narrow minded and dull

I had kids in my twenties and got married. There is no way I'd do that again.

Your friends are NOT your friends. I'm seething on your behalf.
Get new friends.

You are not a failure- nowhere near. You sound a little wounded from your last relationship and seeking support from your parents while you regroup is very sensible. You say you are very close to your friends - so I am going to assume their ‘intervention’ was well intentioned if ill advised. They may be able to see that you have been hurt, but thinking they know what you need to ‘fix’ things is not helpful. Only you know what you want out of life, when you are ready, and what success/happiness looks like for you. It won’t necessarily be the same as them. I would tell them that although you appreciate their concern the way they have gone about it has made you lose confidence and what you really need right now is friends who accept you as you are, respect your life choices and trust you to make decisions that are right for you. I would add that if they really want to help they can do X, Y Z (if there is anything you need support with). Or “if you really want to help, keep your I’ll informed opinions to yourself and leave me the fuck alone”

Good luck for the future.

We each live our lives for ourselves, we shouldn't be comparing to what the next person has.
I found myself back home with my mum at 32 after moving from house I rented with ex. We split, I stayed there for a year alone in this massive house. Then my mum was made redundant, she also actually doesn't like living alone so it just made sense for me to go back then. It wasn't exactly what I wanted but it was sensible. It also gave me the chance to save to buy.
As long as you are happy, that's what counts.

Your "friends" are, at best, nosey. At worst, they are somewhat jealous of you.

You are NOT a failure. You are living a life that you enjoy. I'm certain you'd rather not have had to move back in with your mother, but that, unless you both thoroughly enjoy the situation, will be temporary. And, for that matter, a dear friend of mine lived with her mother, by choice, her entire life. They were best friends, and being included in all of their adventures, hobbies and interests was almost like a mini-vacation every time I went to their wonderful, madcap home! They supported each other and lived large! The key to this was her mother being willing to see her (my friend) as an adult, know that her job as mother was done, and develop a friendship that lasted for 60 years, until Mama Betty died.

Not having a partner or children is not a sign of failure, unless you desperately want BOTH, and have reached an age when neither is likely/possible. There are many happy, fulfilled women who have neither, by choice, and never will. There are others who would like either/or when the right partner comes along. Then there are those poor women who do not seem to exist unless they see themselves reflected in a man's eyes. So long as you are in one of the first two groups, you are FINE.

Your friends sound dead boring. You sound interesting and strong. They are probably doing this because they aren’t confident about their own decisions. I think you’ve outgrown them. It happens.

I think they are probably in that late twenties stage where they are blissfully happy to settle down and have children and because that is what is making them happy they think you need it too.

Can't force it though, if it doesn't happen it just doesn't.

I think you have laid down a good foundation for your career, show an admirable grip on life skills and have a, let’s face it, totally deserved scepticism about men. Your “friends” are smug now but in 10 years time I predict you will be so much more successful than they, they will be wondering “what happened?” Just keep going as you are. Being engaged and having children? Surely it’s been a while since those were regraded as “achievements” in life.

I don't think you're anywhere close to being a failure, how very weird of them. I'd get new friends if I were you.

Your not a failure. You ended a bad relationship and it takes time to get over this. You recently moved back in with your mother and perhaps you have done this to enable you to buy a flat or house. Your educated,have travelled and have a good job.
Then you had 2 friends who because they are married or relationships imply that your coasting along because your not in a relationship or married like they are. The days of being nothing without a man, begin a relationship or married are long gone.
I have seen things change so much for people in the space of 5 or 10 year's.
The worse thing you can do is rush into a relationship or stay with someone because you don't want to be on your own.

Your friends may feel that they have it all but in 10 year's time with 2 kids and a lazy husband their story could be far different.

I never understood this race to get trapped under a man, taking care of him and his gremlins. Or why so many parents start getting after their daughters to give them grandkids.
You take all the time you want or need. Not having a man and kids is not a failure.
Buy that flat, save that money, go on those trips, etc. I am sure all of those sights look a lot better when you don't have to carry a kid on your back and another on your hip, wiping snot off another's nose while your empty-handed spouse complains about how tired he is.

Some friends! They sound like they think your value lies in being some man’s property. Your life sounds very successful and fulfilled to me. Are they envious, perhaps? Want to see you tied down? Projecting like mad?

Get new friends, OP, these ones don’t fit the definition.

This post is perfect. Take note OP.

those are kind of shot friends to be honest? are you happy with where you’re at right now and the trajectory you’re on? the only opinion that matters about your life is YOURS

Your so called friends are being unreasonable and probably jealous lol 29 is still young enough not to have settled down if they makes sense , you are definitely not a failure you sound very sensible. find some new friends, and keep travelling and enjoying life. I presume you are happy being single or is it that they are worried you are not happy

They are totally in the wrong, sounds like they are jealous to me.
You have plenty of time to settle down, your only 29!