To ask if you’d consider me a failure? Be honest.

[Ladybirdshere]

I met with friends on Saturday I’ve been friends with for around 10 years. We are very close, meeting up twice a month on average and share things about our life.

Well Saturday turned out to be a sort of intervention for me by my two friends. They said that they wanted to speak to me as they’d been talking and they felt that life was passing me by and that they felt I wasn’t doing much with my life.

l I think this was mainly focused around around boyfriends and living situation as we are all 29, I am single but my friends are both engaged and both have children.

Anyway, would you consider me a failure?

1. I work in advertising for 32k a year
2. I’m well travelled, last year I went travelling around America on my own
3. I can drive and have my own car
4. I have a degree and a masters
5. Ive lived in 4 different cities in the past ten years

but I don’t have

1. a partner, I’ve been single around a three years. I had a really bad breakup and simply haven’t found a new person
2. i recently moved back in with my mum as my finances changed and it meant I couldn’t afford living alone.
3. I don’t have any children

Am I a failure? We sort of agreed to disagree and they said they wanted to just make sure I stayed on the right track :(

Please don’t be sad about how your life has gone. Some people are lucky enough to meet their person in their 20’s. Others (like me) meet their person in their mid-30s after a few failed relationship & an engagement that went sour. Neither way is perfect. Grass is always greener and all that.

They are probably jealous of all that travel that you are doing right now. When you are all a bit older, you may be jealous that their kids are old enough to leave alone, while you have to shell out for babysitters. Swings & roundabouts, horses for courses etc etc. The only right answer is to be happy today 🥰

Wow! They are not friends. They are people who want to make you take the same route as them to make themselves feel better about their life choices. What bastards!

Everyone has different priorities and people who think that kids and marriage are the goal of life piss me off. I had similar people piping up around that age, it annoyed me so much at the time. I sound like I have a fairly similar lifestyle to you. When I told people I wasn't sure I wanted kids they felt they needed an intervention because it would be "the biggest regret of my life." Just ignore them OP and you do you!

Omg I am so angry for you! You have a fantastic, interesting life and your friends are dull and beige. I am your age, childfree on a similar salary and also travel often. Guess what, I love my life! Much rather be a globetrotter than saddled with screaming kids and a boring husband at the tender age of 29! I was at the airport last week and saw people my age struggling to entertain their unruly, misbehaving, tantrumming kids whilst I was able to chill, have a G&T (or 3) and be excited for my next adventure! Seriously what a bunch of patronising bitches, you are so much more interesting than they are! They probably feel threatened by you now because they are now trapped in dull as ditchwater lives and you are thriving as your own person. Sack them off, they are pigeons and you are a peacock- I would absolutely tell them how beige and dull they have become as well when you ditch them! I would also be extra mean and tell them how much they've let themselves go after breeding and tell them they look like sacks of potatoes and that perhaps a trip to the botox fairy is needed seeing as they've taken it upon themselves to be so unkind to you and give you this nasty, bitchy unsolicited advice to make you feel inferior and bad about yourself. Continue being amazing and living an interesting life OP ✨️

ok this is far enough down you probably won’t see it but. At 29 i was married to ny childhood sweetheart i’d been with 10 years, pregnant, own home, the whole lot. Few years later whole thing imploded. Honestly i wish i’d waited until i was older to do all that stuff. You know your own mind more in your 30s. At 30 i was the youngest in my nct group, the others were all 36, 37 and i thought, dang, i could have had a few more years of freedom.

Anyways the single mates at that time who turned up solo to my wedding all found nice partners in their 30s. When you’re older things move faster. Those that wanted kids all have them now. Some chose not to at all and truthfully have the best lives.

Your mates lack this perspective of hindsight. BUT the fact they aren’t interested in other perspectives and see the only right path as the one they’ve followed… that’s the worrying part. Get new, fun, single mates. If the only ones in the same stage of life as you are younger, hang with younger people for a bit. Truth be told some of my total besties withdrew for a bit when i was doing the marriage and babies thing and they weren’t. Nothing bad just its kinda boring talking house prices and wallpaper when you have a queue of tinder hookups waiting. Then life changes and you re-convene again.

I think the worst thing about your life is them, OP.

You need to get some new friends.

I wasn’t sure how the voting was set up but I voted YABU to think you are a failure and you’re ‘friends’ are awful to do an ‘intervention’ because you don’t have a boyfriend! I didn’t have a boyfriend at your age, I am now married with 2 kids. Do you want kids and marriage? Do you enjoy your life? Because that’s the only thing that matters

Your friends sound like arseholes. Success is not measured by relationships or children. You are doing amazing!

I'm gong through a hideous divorce from a controlling man and I am single for the first time in 20 years. And I LOVE IT. I love having my own house. I love being in control of my own life. I love making new friends and making my own plans. And I'm 46! Being in a relationship is no guarantee of happiness. But that way of thinking kept me in an awful relationship for too long, because I was afraid of being on my own. Well done you for getting out of something awful. And read The unexpected joy of being single' by Catherine Grey. That will make you feel loads better.

These aren't friends, friends don't so this to you. They are really nasty!

My SIL had 'friends' like this, some of the comments broke her heart. And thankfully she's ditched them and only has good people around her. It was something very similar when she was late 20s and I can confirm these girls were vile pieces of work just like your so called friends.

@Ladybirdshere don't worry about anything they say. Flip it off. I am three times your age, and didn't have my only child until I was 43. But my life was infinitely richer because I took the time to be ready. I loved my work, and my life before, and then I suddenly was ready to be a mum. And I was very lucky that the biology worked as it did.

Your friends are dicks. Console yourself with the thought that you have far more opportunities than they do now. Live the life you want.

Your life sounds amazing. Can we swap?! Seriously you’re young and have accomplished such a lot. And don’t worry I met my husband at 35 and have two kids despite having PCO’s. I think the only thing you need to change is your friends!

Fuck no. You are not a failure. They are small.minded idiots.

Are you happy?

If they were they'd leave your life alone.

Exact thought popped into my head.

i cannot see how you are a failure: even if you were 59 in the same situation I wouldn’t call you a failure. Everyone’s lives are different. It’s not a race… it’s a journey … and we all go down different paths

^ this.
They wish they had what you have.
You don't have to agree to disagree. They're wrong to tell you how they think you should live.

I couldn't read this is not comment. If you were my child I'd be very proud of you. You've been strong enough to leave a bad relationship. You have made decisions that are best for you. You have been in control of your own life. You could very easily turn the table on these so called 'friends' and ask them why they are so scared of life. Why have they felt so desperate to settle down so fast. What are they scared of? Why is their life any better than yours? I'd tell them that you are very happy with your life and that they have no need for concern.

OK let me tell you about me.

Married young, separated at 25, then divorced. Moved back in with my parents for a few years to save for my own home which I then bought at 29. I'm in my 30s now, have a degree, a good job, friends etc.

Been single for years, no kids, and I've had friends express concern by saying I'm too independent, to which I've said if it happens, fine, but I have no desire to find a partner. Men are useless, selfish and disappointing.

More and more women are choosing this, there's nothing wrong with it. Think about what matters to YOU.

If you want a romantic life, future children, own home, whatever it may be, that's perfectly fine but you need to set some goals.

Let's flip your perspective:

• You completed higher education
• You are holding down a job and have an above median salary for your age range
• You are well travelled
• You are independent in many aspects
• You have a level of freedom your friends don't have
• You have not settled and started a family with a waste of space

Now, explain to your friends that success is measured in all forms.

Could they possibly be jealous of aspects of your life. Your freedom maybe? As long as you’re happy with your life sod what they think.

Please don’t listen to them. You are 29 and have your whole life ahead. Plenty of time for partners and children (if that is what you want). I think your ‘friends’ are scared that you have less in common and that they may actually be jealous. Honestly, I’m 40 and my life is so different now to when I was 29! I’m sorry they have made you question where you’re at right now.

Christ knows what they would think of me then. About a decade older than you and single, no kids and in a low paying job.
Honestly? They are not your people. Settling down and having kids is not what it's all about, women are allowed to aim for a different life and yours sounds amazing. How brilliant that you get to see the world and have those experiences. Your friends are total idiots if you ask me and stuck in the 1950's. I also wouldn't be surprised if they were actually quite jealous of you and are doing this to cover that.
You deserve and need better friends xx

I agree with @SorePaw . There is no shame in living at home, I live in London and getting on the property ladder as a single person is incredibly hard. It annoys me that people are still being judged for being at home or a 'Well, I guess it's OK, unless you get to about 30, then it's weird.'. It's a stupid statement to make when everyone knows how expensive it is. It's not a status of someone's worth and if it makes financial sense to live with family then it makes sense all round.
OP, you are fine. Your friends however, are smug and should be careful as life can change very fast and things may not always be so rosy on the relationship front.

I hate women who think in order to be successful in life, you need a man and kids.

They likely resent you having a career, being well travelled and having life experience instead of being tied down with kids.

For balance, if I were still 29, I’d choose your situation over theirs.

Absolutely not

Their lives are a little boring hence the need to fix others