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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want another baby?

138 replies

mummoomin · 15/02/2008 12:03

I just found out Im pregnant with my third baby. Ive two of 6 and 2 years old. This was a mistake. My husband is taking it in his stride and just assumes we will be a family of three children.

I dont want another one.

We have enough space and money to support another child, though probably couldnt send three to private school and holidays wouldnt be quite so nice.

I love the two Ive got.

Am I being unreasonable to want an abortion despite him wanting to go ahead?

OP posts:

mumeeee · 18/02/2008 20:58

You are not being unreasonable for feeling that you don.t want another child.
But I think you need to sit and discuss it with your Dh it is his child as well as yours.
Our third child was a surprise but we love her as much as the other two and there are ways of giving each child individual attention. When mine were younger Dh and I would take each child in turn for a special day out on their own with one of us.

Original poster

mummoomin · 19/02/2008 03:02

Cant sleep. Dh and I had a long chat, I told him Im totally committed to the pregnancy esp since Im further on than I expected. We had a bit of an argument, as he couldnt understand I could kill a fetus if it was 8 weeks old, but let the same baby live at 16 weeks. It appears as far as he is concerned there is no difference. He then showed me some nasty prolife websites with awful photos on them.

Ive had a it of a shit few days and didnt need that.

Anyway, I am no way going to abort this baby, Ill just have to learn to cope.

Im really angry with dh, but tried to put myself in his shoes, you know if I was the one who wanted to keep it, and was very anti, and he wanted to abort and was prochoice. Of course it would be awful. He is entitled to his views, and he is protecting his child, as he sees it. He could just do it a bit more gently, thats all. And I have said there is no way Im aborting now. And he seems to have told everyone and their dog anyway...

I guess here the thread endeth..

Im off to find light relief somewhere. Im too upset to sleep..

OP posts:

lucyellensmum · 19/02/2008 17:11

shame i didnt read this last night, i would have suggested you shaving your DHs eyebrows off for the light relief. He is being a plonker, you should remind him of that often

jiji · 03/03/2008 11:20

Just to thank all of you..I lost the baby.

Dh and I have split up (my decision, sometime after he accused me of wanting the miscarriage)...and Im going to have to go back to work . He wont accept its going to end in divorce, but after the way he treated me, that is the only way for me to go.

I guess in the end I did want the baby, but then it was all too late.

Name changed because I realised there was a preexisting moomin...

delcymru · 03/03/2008 12:04

So sorry to hear of your loss after all the agonising you went through.Don't feel bad or guilty, most prg women go through a " do I really want this baby " stage.Unfortunately it just wasn't meant to be. It's really sad that you and your dh have split, is it just a major reaction to all that's gone on?
Maybe given time you can work things out, even though it sounds like he has said some hurtful things, it might just be that he does'nt kow how else to cope with the upset and worry .Men are crap at that stuff. Thinking of you and your family, you sound strong and I'm sure whatever happens it will work out in the end. Take care x

mumofdjandp · 03/03/2008 13:05

jiji are you the mummoomin that started this thread honey?

peasoup · 03/03/2008 16:44

I'm so so sorry jiji. Please carve out a lovely new life for you and your children.

babbi · 03/03/2008 21:20

So sorry ..... sending you big hugs ...
take care xxx

lucyellensmum · 03/03/2008 21:47

Oh Jiji, i am soooo sorry for your loss. Don't make any rash decisions for you and DH while you are still greiving. He has behaved extremely badly, but he is greiving too (trying to see both sides here, but i do know he HAS been a bit of a shit). You need to take time to get over this before you can even think about how you feel about DH. It does say early in the thread that you love him very much - right now you are angry, and i totally understand that, and i would quite happily come round and tear his balls off for you - but something tells me you might spring to his defense.

So sorry you have had to go through this

jiji · 03/03/2008 22:56

yes, Im mummoomin. I namechanged out of politeness when I realised there was a pre existing moomin.

Really thanks to everyone, you all really helped me

I would be happy if I never saw dh again. Im trying to find a job which is roughly something like I used to do, and Ill be ok and so will the kids.

lucyellensmum · 04/03/2008 09:19

jiji hugs to you honey and once again - so sorry we are here if you need to talk might be best to start a new thread as lots only read first post take care xxx

mumofdjandp · 04/03/2008 11:04

oh honey I have read the whole thread and am so sorry to hear of your loss

Is there no way forward for you and hubby

are you having such a rough time cos he wanted the baby and you didnt initially and he is resentful or something?

I do hope you can work through it..... can you get counselling as you sounded so happy pre the surprise pregnancy x

MrsTittleMouse · 04/03/2008 12:09

Oh, I am so sorry.
I do hope that things work out for you, but please give yourself some time to grieve too.

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