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AIBU?

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Original poster

A HUGE angry rant

105 replies

Westpoint · 16/04/2023 01:23

Apologies for this. I've had the shittest day and this just poured out of me:

I’m ANGRY

I’m mainly sad, I think being sad fuels my anger. WTF should should I be made to feel sad??

I’m sad because:

I seem to responsible for EVERYTHING
Lizzie is dying and I am the only one who looks after her. I don’t want to think of helping her to sleep but I have to because you are being spineless. She is YOUR DOG!

I still can’t forgive you for not being there when Daphne died without us because your FUCKING STUPID WORK CALL WAS MORE IMPORTANT. I will never forgive you for that.

I HAVE FIBROIDS

My husband who works SO FUCKING HARD can’t seem to find time to do anything other than look after himself - think 2 hour massages, going the golf club (the game that he wants me to learn, ostensibly to be part of HIS FUCKING choices, nothing to do with me) OR WATCH FUCKING TV

I am on my OWN ALL THE FUCKING TIME

I have no job anymore. And my ‘husband’ thought it funny to joke at dinner last night with friends that if I didn’t like it then maybe he should give up work and I should go out and provide for us. To be clear here, we moved from the UK to the USA for my husband’s work so I am the embodiment of the trailing spouse.

Er, yeah, like fuck you fucking prick. I AM HERE BECAUSE OF YOU. I AM LITERALLY MAKING YOUR LIFE POSSIBLE. TRUST ME, I WOULD LOOOOOOOOOOOVE TO HAVE MY OWN FUCKING LIFE!

He was pissed off because he was rubbing his eyes like a baby at 9:30pm and I told him that the rest of us had been up for longer than him, His excuse was he got up at 4:30am LAS time. Err, yes dear hubby of mine, that was 7:30am here, much later than any of us got up?! He couldn’t get the fucking time difference.

STOP BUYING FUCKING DOGS (I love my dogs, I just am tied to them)

STOP RUINING MY LIFE

Today you texted me in my only down time getting my nails done to say that Lizzie had wet her nappy. Well, my first thought was that you should have taken her out. But never mind, accidents happen (hence the nappy). Then this evening I go upstairs to an almighty stink because you had just put her piss soaked nappy in the sink for me to deal with.

I asked why you hadn’t taken her out and you lied that you had. YOU FUCKING HADN’T.

FUCK YOU

SHE IS DYING IN FRONT OF YOUR FUCKING EYES AND YOU STILL WANT ME TO DEAL WITH IT FOR YOU LIKE A FUCKING CHILD.

OP posts:
SorePaw · 16/04/2023 01:30

Oh dear, that sounds fucking awful.

Poor Lizzie 🥲Is it not time to consider PTS?

Sorry about Daphne too.

How would you feel about coming home?

Original poster
Westpoint · 16/04/2023 01:34

Thank you SorePaw

Yes, the point is he knows that Lizzie needs helping.

I'm just furious that he wants me to deal with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Westpoint · 16/04/2023 01:35

And thank you about Daphne - she was my heart and soul

OP posts:
Original poster
Westpoint · 16/04/2023 01:37

I think the fibriod pain is making me a little angry!

OP posts:
RightOnTheEdge · 16/04/2023 01:40

Sorry Westpoint that sounds really shit for you FlowersFlowers * *

RightOnTheEdge · 16/04/2023 01:41

Is there any way you could come home?

Snowite · 16/04/2023 01:43

Sorry about the dogs. His "joke" wasn't acceptable and speaks volumes about how he sees you (now) doesn't it. But you know that. Sadly loads of trailing partners get this shit in various delightful forms (yes I've been there). Keep ranting, I say. And come home or pick a different country if you can.

ashitghost · 16/04/2023 01:43

Leave him and come home. X

WaxingGibbon · 16/04/2023 01:48

Oh Westpoint, you poor thing. I'm sorry things are so shit, and sending you a gentle hug x

ohfourfoxache · 16/04/2023 01:52

He sounds like a cunt

I’m so sorry about Lizzie and Daphne 💐

Gymnopedie · 16/04/2023 02:37

I AM HERE BECAUSE OF YOU. I AM LITERALLY MAKING YOUR LIFE POSSIBLE. TRUST ME, I WOULD LOOOOOOOOOOOVE TO HAVE MY OWN FUCKING LIFE!

FUCK YOU...SHE IS DYING IN FRONT OF YOUR FUCKING EYES AND YOU STILL WANT ME TO DEAL WITH IT FOR YOU LIKE A FUCKING CHILD.

OP I have no issues with you having a rant here on MN. Rant away. Do what you have to do for Lizzie until the day when you can do no more.

But when Lizzie is no longer here, you don't need to do anything more to make his life possible. Leave him to the person he thinks most of in the world - himself. Book a plane ticket home, pack a case, and then yell all these things at him before you leave. It will be cathartic.

AliceOlive · 16/04/2023 02:41

I’m so sorry about your Daphne. I know that pain.

Is it time to put Lizzie down? I hate to say that but it sounds like it’s time and he’s refusing to make the decision.

AliceOlive · 16/04/2023 02:42

Also, eff golf.

MummyNeedsADrinkDear · 16/04/2023 03:04

So sorry for the loss/imminent loss of your dogs.
Please do leave this selfish fking manchild and go back to the UK. Go to a GP and try and get help with fibroids.
It doesn't sound like he's adding anything to your life. Fk him. Twat!

abmac95 · 16/04/2023 03:14

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TheShellBeach · 16/04/2023 03:30

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No it doesn't.
That's a cruel thing to say.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/04/2023 03:49

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No advice, just labeling. How super helpful of ou.

OP come home. You don't actually have to be there.

4plusthehound · 16/04/2023 03:57

Rage away.

You need it.

All out - then deep breath.

Then...

time for the thinking hat...!

4plusthehound · 16/04/2023 03:59

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Actually, it might be you who has the probelms.

I worry about people who have difficulty understand and reading emotion.

Get worried.

Isthisexpected · 16/04/2023 04:01

I hope one day your life is better than this and he's left in the past.

Cariadm · 16/04/2023 04:03

ohfourfoxache · 16/04/2023 01:52

He sounds like a cunt

I’m so sorry about Lizzie and Daphne 💐

Took the C word right out of my mouth!!! WTAF is the matter with soooooo many men?! It seems the more that some of them get lucky with loving caring partners they patently DON'T deserve, the worse they behave and the (possibly unconscious?) misogyny just manifests big time?! This browbeaten poor lady needs to have a SERIOUS rethink about her priorities before this situation gets any worse!! 😰😱

RobertsRadio · 16/04/2023 04:07

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Sounds like you are not the tiniest bit qualified to diagnose anyone's mental health. Did they even have schools under your bridge.

JMSA · 16/04/2023 04:11

Thank god you don't have actual kids together.
Sorry about your dog though Sad

TryingToAdapt · 16/04/2023 04:56

If you don't have children - can you start planning to come home?

Very sorry about Lizzie and Daphne.

Fraaahnces · 16/04/2023 05:14

Soooo much empathy. I moved from Aus to the Netherlands with three tiny people to enable my DH’s career. Different language, school system, medical system, insurances, etc. All up to me and questioned AFTER anything happened. (Broken arms, etc…) My dad was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease and I had to go back and help with that and realised that my life was easier looking after Dad and three kids than being there, isolated and revolving around an ego. He was away for 27 weeks leading up to and including the highlight of his career so far and when he came back, he was so disconnected from all of us - he couldn’t let it go, and minimised every single thing I tried to say to him about it. Luckily for me it coincided with the end of our first visas. I was begging for marriage counselling with him, but he told me I needed to get a job. (Can you imagine? When he was anywhere around the world, or in other parts of the country ALL the time? Who would look after the kids? My job involves travel too!!!) I took the folder containing everyone’s documentation to a friend’s house, had my parents prepared to wire money over for one way tickets home, etc. He came home with the documentation to be signed and I laughed in his face. I honestly believe he only heard me because it would have affected his reputation at work if I had chosen that point in time to fuck off back home. (Reputation is everything, right?) I told him to book a female marriage guidance counsellor and I’d think about it, otherwise the kids and I would be on a plane the day before our visas expired. He laughed about that saying “Good luck! You’d need the passports for that!” I told him to go and get them. He went looking and the penny dropped. He realised that this was no idle threat. (I do not have firm for idle threats, btw.) He booked an emergency spot with a female counsellor three hours drive away. She said first thing that he needed separate counselling also because he honestly couldn’t connect with me enough as a human to realise that his treatment of me was utterly dismissive and neglectful at it’s best, and abusive the rest of the time and she wanted to see it hit home when someone else told him. She wanted him to really, really hear it. She told him that his ego had grown so disproportionate that it cherry-picked I’ll the vision he needed of himself so that he could continue to behave the way he wanted, but when other people were concerned there would ALWAYS be consequences. If I went home with the kids, that was on him. If he lost the job that I had enabled for him because of this, that was also on him.
That was about fifteen years ago, and he still needs to be reminded. We have been back home for a few years now because I wouldn’t contemplate signing a permanent contract. He occasionally whines about how he would have been happier there. (Because he IS his job.) I ask him how happy he would be seeing the kids once a year and that shuts him up.
This is a small window into life with an egotist. There are other examples, but being away from your home and your network makes you much more dependent on him and so much more isolated.
If I hadn’t had kids, I would have left long before that as I wouldn’t have been legally bound to stay there (Hague Convention) and I would never have needed to hold him over a barrel (the work/reflection thing) as I would never have allowed myself to be disempowered in that way.