A HUGE angry rant

[Westpoint]

Apologies for this. I've had the shittest day and this just poured out of me:

I’m ANGRY

I’m mainly sad, I think being sad fuels my anger. WTF should should I be made to feel sad??

I’m sad because:

I seem to responsible for EVERYTHING
Lizzie is dying and I am the only one who looks after her. I don’t want to think of helping her to sleep but I have to because you are being spineless. She is YOUR DOG!

I still can’t forgive you for not being there when Daphne died without us because your FUCKING STUPID WORK CALL WAS MORE IMPORTANT. I will never forgive you for that.

I HAVE FIBROIDS

My husband who works SO FUCKING HARD can’t seem to find time to do anything other than look after himself - think 2 hour massages, going the golf club (the game that he wants me to learn, ostensibly to be part of HIS FUCKING choices, nothing to do with me) OR WATCH FUCKING TV

I am on my OWN ALL THE FUCKING TIME

I have no job anymore. And my ‘husband’ thought it funny to joke at dinner last night with friends that if I didn’t like it then maybe he should give up work and I should go out and provide for us. To be clear here, we moved from the UK to the USA for my husband’s work so I am the embodiment of the trailing spouse.

Er, yeah, like fuck you fucking prick. I AM HERE BECAUSE OF YOU. I AM LITERALLY MAKING YOUR LIFE POSSIBLE. TRUST ME, I WOULD LOOOOOOOOOOOVE TO HAVE MY OWN FUCKING LIFE!

He was pissed off because he was rubbing his eyes like a baby at 9:30pm and I told him that the rest of us had been up for longer than him, His excuse was he got up at 4:30am LAS time. Err, yes dear hubby of mine, that was 7:30am here, much later than any of us got up?! He couldn’t get the fucking time difference.

STOP BUYING FUCKING DOGS (I love my dogs, I just am tied to them)

STOP RUINING MY LIFE

Today you texted me in my only down time getting my nails done to say that Lizzie had wet her nappy. Well, my first thought was that you should have taken her out. But never mind, accidents happen (hence the nappy). Then this evening I go upstairs to an almighty stink because you had just put her piss soaked nappy in the sink for me to deal with.

I asked why you hadn’t taken her out and you lied that you had. YOU FUCKING HADN’T.

FUCK YOU

SHE IS DYING IN FRONT OF YOUR FUCKING EYES AND YOU STILL WANT ME TO DEAL WITH IT FOR YOU LIKE A FUCKING CHILD.

Sending you hugs.

Oh, do fuck off. Is kicking someone when thay are down your main form of entertainment?

What do you want to do Op? Do you want to stay and work on your marriage? When did the belittling comments start? Has he always been like this and you finally noticed or has he changed since the move to the US? Do you think it can be fixed? And most importantly do both of you want to fix it? These are some pertinent questions that only you have the answer to. You don’t need to answer them here, but it might help jot down your thoughts so you can think of a plan of action so only you can decide if you want to stay or go.

I’m sorry for your loss If you don’t want your husband to buy more dogs tell him. It’s a lot of responsibility. He doesn’t get to feel like the saviour whilst leaving you with all the responsibilities because he’s too “busy”. As though you are not important enough to be factored into this decision.

That is not sadness, that is bitterness and contempt and anger and resentment. And the OP would do herself a favour by addressing it.

Well at least your empathy bypass seems to be working ......

@Fraaahnces

Wowswer! He's a right arsehole!

Wow. You sound like a total dick.

A pet dying is very hard. Big hug to you.

Take some time with that, then deal with your husband. Explain to him that he is morphing into someone to whom it is very unpleasant to be married to.

It was a rant. Do you not understand what that means? You also have no fucking idea what OP is doing to “deal” with her issues so maybe pipe the fuck down you patronising prick.

Oh wow, never seen this under a bridge before.

Do you plan to have kids?

Please think very carefully if so. One of my closest friends went to the US with her husband and had DC. He always was a selfish prick, and it only got worse when they had DC. (A particular low was him treating the time he'd booked off work when their second child was born as a holiday, sitting by their pool and relaxing while my friend struggled with a new baby, a toddler and the pets while having just had a C section).

They split up and my friend would love to come home to get support from family and friends, and to be near her parents as they are getting old now.

But in the state they live in, you can't leave the state - let alone the country - with your DC without the other parent's permission, so she's stuck there, she has to bring her DC up in near poverty there (as he used an accountant to hide his money when they divorced).

Things need to change, whether this is your DH treating you better or you leaving. This is no life for you.

A lot of men see women as the help-humans, there to service them. And it's so ingrained in society, and benefits them so they simply won't change.

Good luck OP, I hope you find a resolution. You ANBU to feel sad, from the snapshot you've posted here, it sounds like you're being exploited by the person who is meant to have your back.

Take care OP, thinking of you today 💐

When you've done what you need to for Lizzie, come home OP. The blossoms are out, the light is soft. Come for a month and reflect in peace and quiet, and decide what you want for the rest if your life.

Sending you support today of all days. It is the most loving and caring thing you can do for Lizzie.

Thinking of you and Lizzie

I am so sorry, I hope it all goes as smoothly and peacefully as it possibly can. You know you are doing the right thing.

Please pay no attention to @Mezmer . Some people are so lost in (internalised) misogyny that they feel women are not allowed to rage. We have to be sweet, compliant, supportive and are never permitted to express it when life makes us otherwise.

OP please take care of the dog's needs - she should not suffer because of this situation in your relationship.

OP I'm so sorry.

I was stuck abroad. He kept doing things to make me more obligated to stay. Is that what he's doing with the dogs?

You are not his support human, it's sounds like this is how he sees you. But he's failing you badly.

I left BTW, with a 1 year old DD 5 k in my pocket and moved back.

It was May and I still remember the drive back to my parents house, the soft smell of spring and despite the challenge ahead of getting my life back together, I remember the feeling of relief.

Apologies, I missed your update. I hope that this goes as well as these things can. It is your final gift to her but it will be so hard for you. Thinking of you.

What a lovely post.

@Flowerly - You words are a balm. What a genuinely beautiful way to expres such kindness.

I am so sorry @Westpoint . You are doing the kindest and bravest act for Lizzie. My thoughts are with you. Take some time for yourself afterwards so you can decide where you go from here.

This sounds like hell for you.
Divide and conquer. Can a vet come to the house? Are there pet funeral places where you’re living ? If so call both and arrange vet to come to the house, followed by collection and burial or cremation. It will be a peaceful end for a dog that’s suffering and once it’s done you can move on.
Fibroids —- long time since I had to deal with them. Do you have a good gynaecologist? What treatment options do you have?
Your husband — can you take a holiday away from him, time to think , recover from having to have dear dog pts ?
I think you have to clear those things away before you can see where you're going.

Well said. He made a ‘joke’ about you and your job when you’ve given up your career so that he can work abroad. What the hell? If mine had done that, it would be the end of our marriage. I am not joking.

He needs to be told in no uncertain terms that if he ever mocks you again you’re done. He might realise what he’s done, apologise, and change his ways. I hope he does.

There is no way I would put up with this if he doesn’t. The anger and resentment would be too much for me - I couldn’t live like that.

So sorry to hear about your dogs 💐

I'm so sorry but I know you will feel glad that you're doing what's right for Lizzie.

Each time I've had to stand with my dog when we've helped him or her "across the bridge" has been worse than the time before - but as a wise person once told me, helping our beloved pets fly free of their pain and distress is the last act of kindness and love we ever do for them.

I shall be thinking of you today. XXX