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AIBU?

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Original poster

A HUGE angry rant

105 replies

Westpoint · 16/04/2023 01:23

Apologies for this. I've had the shittest day and this just poured out of me:

I’m ANGRY

I’m mainly sad, I think being sad fuels my anger. WTF should should I be made to feel sad??

I’m sad because:

I seem to responsible for EVERYTHING
Lizzie is dying and I am the only one who looks after her. I don’t want to think of helping her to sleep but I have to because you are being spineless. She is YOUR DOG!

I still can’t forgive you for not being there when Daphne died without us because your FUCKING STUPID WORK CALL WAS MORE IMPORTANT. I will never forgive you for that.

I HAVE FIBROIDS

My husband who works SO FUCKING HARD can’t seem to find time to do anything other than look after himself - think 2 hour massages, going the golf club (the game that he wants me to learn, ostensibly to be part of HIS FUCKING choices, nothing to do with me) OR WATCH FUCKING TV

I am on my OWN ALL THE FUCKING TIME

I have no job anymore. And my ‘husband’ thought it funny to joke at dinner last night with friends that if I didn’t like it then maybe he should give up work and I should go out and provide for us. To be clear here, we moved from the UK to the USA for my husband’s work so I am the embodiment of the trailing spouse.

Er, yeah, like fuck you fucking prick. I AM HERE BECAUSE OF YOU. I AM LITERALLY MAKING YOUR LIFE POSSIBLE. TRUST ME, I WOULD LOOOOOOOOOOOVE TO HAVE MY OWN FUCKING LIFE!

He was pissed off because he was rubbing his eyes like a baby at 9:30pm and I told him that the rest of us had been up for longer than him, His excuse was he got up at 4:30am LAS time. Err, yes dear hubby of mine, that was 7:30am here, much later than any of us got up?! He couldn’t get the fucking time difference.

STOP BUYING FUCKING DOGS (I love my dogs, I just am tied to them)

STOP RUINING MY LIFE

Today you texted me in my only down time getting my nails done to say that Lizzie had wet her nappy. Well, my first thought was that you should have taken her out. But never mind, accidents happen (hence the nappy). Then this evening I go upstairs to an almighty stink because you had just put her piss soaked nappy in the sink for me to deal with.

I asked why you hadn’t taken her out and you lied that you had. YOU FUCKING HADN’T.

FUCK YOU

SHE IS DYING IN FRONT OF YOUR FUCKING EYES AND YOU STILL WANT ME TO DEAL WITH IT FOR YOU LIKE A FUCKING CHILD.

OP posts:
Mintyt · 16/04/2023 05:16

As I was reading I was thinking you really need a good hug x. Come home and leave him

user1492757084 · 16/04/2023 05:25

Book an appointment at the vet for poor Lizzie and have your husband take her to learn of all of her requirements and how to deal with them. Put it in his diary and do not be available.

Leave to return to the nicest part of the UK you can think of and find a job and start the rest of your life with a West Highland Terrier.

ShimmeringShirts · 16/04/2023 06:23

Do you have family and support in the U.K.? It sounds like you need to come home, fibroids would be bad enough without a nasty prick of a husband to deal with on top of it, it doesn’t sound like he adds anything to your life and you sure as hell deserve more than this.

I’m sorry about Daphne and I hope Lizzie has a peaceful end Flowers

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/04/2023 06:27

The minute Lizzie is too ill to be looked after, I’d be on a plane home. I know that’s a double edged sword. I understand the love for your dogs. I truly do and I am so sorry for your loss. Flowers

abmac95 · 16/04/2023 06:42

RobertsRadio · 16/04/2023 04:07

Sounds like you are not the tiniest bit qualified to diagnose anyone's mental health. Did they even have schools under your bridge.

Show quote history

gosh what an assumption! i am actually very qualified.....

Scalottia · 16/04/2023 06:47

Fraaahnces · 16/04/2023 05:14

Soooo much empathy. I moved from Aus to the Netherlands with three tiny people to enable my DH’s career. Different language, school system, medical system, insurances, etc. All up to me and questioned AFTER anything happened. (Broken arms, etc…) My dad was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease and I had to go back and help with that and realised that my life was easier looking after Dad and three kids than being there, isolated and revolving around an ego. He was away for 27 weeks leading up to and including the highlight of his career so far and when he came back, he was so disconnected from all of us - he couldn’t let it go, and minimised every single thing I tried to say to him about it. Luckily for me it coincided with the end of our first visas. I was begging for marriage counselling with him, but he told me I needed to get a job. (Can you imagine? When he was anywhere around the world, or in other parts of the country ALL the time? Who would look after the kids? My job involves travel too!!!) I took the folder containing everyone’s documentation to a friend’s house, had my parents prepared to wire money over for one way tickets home, etc. He came home with the documentation to be signed and I laughed in his face. I honestly believe he only heard me because it would have affected his reputation at work if I had chosen that point in time to fuck off back home. (Reputation is everything, right?) I told him to book a female marriage guidance counsellor and I’d think about it, otherwise the kids and I would be on a plane the day before our visas expired. He laughed about that saying “Good luck! You’d need the passports for that!” I told him to go and get them. He went looking and the penny dropped. He realised that this was no idle threat. (I do not have firm for idle threats, btw.) He booked an emergency spot with a female counsellor three hours drive away. She said first thing that he needed separate counselling also because he honestly couldn’t connect with me enough as a human to realise that his treatment of me was utterly dismissive and neglectful at it’s best, and abusive the rest of the time and she wanted to see it hit home when someone else told him. She wanted him to really, really hear it. She told him that his ego had grown so disproportionate that it cherry-picked I’ll the vision he needed of himself so that he could continue to behave the way he wanted, but when other people were concerned there would ALWAYS be consequences. If I went home with the kids, that was on him. If he lost the job that I had enabled for him because of this, that was also on him.
That was about fifteen years ago, and he still needs to be reminded. We have been back home for a few years now because I wouldn’t contemplate signing a permanent contract. He occasionally whines about how he would have been happier there. (Because he IS his job.) I ask him how happy he would be seeing the kids once a year and that shuts him up.
This is a small window into life with an egotist. There are other examples, but being away from your home and your network makes you much more dependent on him and so much more isolated.
If I hadn’t had kids, I would have left long before that as I wouldn’t have been legally bound to stay there (Hague Convention) and I would never have needed to hold him over a barrel (the work/reflection thing) as I would never have allowed myself to be disempowered in that way.

Was he like this before you had 3 children with him?

jays · 16/04/2023 06:52

abmac95 · 16/04/2023 06:42

gosh what an assumption! i am actually very qualified.....

Show quote history

You’re ‘very qualified’ to make assumptions about the mental health of someone you’ve never met via the internet? Gosh, I’d love to see that qualification!

GodSaveTheClean · 16/04/2023 07:01

abmac95 · 16/04/2023 06:42

gosh what an assumption! i am actually very qualified.....

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You clearly missed the ethics part of your training then, or you are just inherently spiteful.

OP, so sorry for your situation and your dogs. You don’t need to stay there once it’s only your husband keeping you there. You deserve so much more.

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 16/04/2023 07:09

Can you come home? Your husband is a selfish, blind, self-indulgent twat. Leaving the dogs he continues to buy to suffer, is hideous.

CrystalCoco · 16/04/2023 07:43

abmac95 · 16/04/2023 06:42

gosh what an assumption! i am actually very qualified.....

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No, you're definitely, definitely not.

rainbowstardrops · 16/04/2023 07:47

Blimey, you sound at the end of your tether! I'm so sorry about Daphne and Lizzie and as others have said, I think once the inevitable happens to Lizzie, you should consider coming back home.
But rant away in the meantime Flowers

Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 16/04/2023 07:50

Wow erm this is a lot! My main concern is the poor dog… you can see it’s suffering so please get it PTS. Take it to the vet and do the right thing. You are the human and you can make this decision, the poor innocent dog can’t! Don’t let the dog suffer because your husband is a cock!

SquishyGloopyBum · 16/04/2023 07:51

He won't change.

So, I know you resent it's on you but you need to make the decision about the dog. Do it for her sake.

Then, leave.

RattlewhenIwalk · 16/04/2023 07:51

Westpoint · 16/04/2023 01:34

Thank you SorePaw

Yes, the point is he knows that Lizzie needs helping.

I'm just furious that he wants me to deal with it.

I'm so sorry about the situation your poor dog is in. For her sake please deal with it and quickly. I know you don't want to but both of you need to put the animal first.

Then, I think you should consider going home. If it's without him so be it.

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 16/04/2023 07:52

abmac95 · 16/04/2023 06:42

gosh what an assumption! i am actually very qualified.....

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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

No you’re not. 😆

Bunnyhair · 16/04/2023 08:09

I am so sorry about Lizzie and Daphne. I just hate it when people love their pets but but not enough be a proper responsible adult for them, face up to the reality of their mortality, and do the decent thing when they are suffering.

i’m so sorry everything is on you and your husband is such a twat. That feeling of being responsible me for everything and having no freedom is just awful. Awful.

Chchchchchangesss · 16/04/2023 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So people with serious mental health problems aren't worthy of respect and empathy?

Starhead69 · 16/04/2023 08:28

abmac95 · 16/04/2023 06:42

gosh what an assumption! i am actually very qualified.....

Show quote history

Do you have any, you know advice or kind words? Or you just gonna squat there and judge from under your troll bridge

Original poster
Westpoint · 16/04/2023 08:48

I'm here. It's the middle of the night and I should be asleep but my head is spinning.

I have 5 dogs, all of whom are very much loved. I'm just struggling emotionally at the moment. 2 of them are seniors (Lizzie being one), I have one in the middle and two youngsters one of which is 5 weeks into ACL surgery recovery.

It's, you know, a bloody tough schedule!

I don't have MH issues I don't think but I am struggling with articulating how hard I'm finding things.

And yes, to all the PP's, Lizzie does need help to cross the bridge.

On the job point. Fucking hell. I left a 3 figure salary to come here. My husband is not evil personified but I do feel that it is all about him. I had to wait 18 months to get ATW and then I took a basic wage retail job just to do SOMETHING.

I am trying really hard to make friends. I am actually doing pretty well on that front. And I will be prioritising those friendships going forward.

I'm just so sad.

And no, I can't just 'come home' To what? What do you you all think I should come home to?

OP posts:
midgemadgemodge · 16/04/2023 08:53

To a life that you create for yourself not someone else

Original poster
Westpoint · 16/04/2023 08:59

midgemadgemodge · 16/04/2023 08:53

To a life that you create for yourself not someone else

Don't say that 😢

OP posts:
ginlovingqueen · 16/04/2023 09:02

Do you have kids!

Sounds like you were successful in the UK. I wouldn't be able to handle that transition

Come back and start again

savethatkitty · 16/04/2023 09:03

Your hubby sounds like a piece of shit. Sorry

Shinyandnew1 · 16/04/2023 09:03

What’s a 3-figure salary, is that high?

You sound utterly miserable-I’d come home and start working to support yourself, it can’t be any worse than your life at the moment.

YukoandHiro · 16/04/2023 09:04

Leave him. Come home. Regain control of your life and your mental health.

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