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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I inadvertently disrespected someone's religion

157 replies

LondonElle · 15/04/2023 13:39

Was out shopping today with a Friend and our children and noticed the gentleman in front of me car keys fall out of his pocket and him and his wife didn't notice, the queue was moving fast and I didn't want them being stepped on or lost so I tried to get his attention, I said excuse me gently at first and then louder but I couldn't attract him or his wife's attention, so I lightly tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to they keys he had dropped. He looked aghast and shouted at me... I was quite taken aback he then grabbed the keys but looked fuming with me.
My friend who I was with said that it may be because of his religion, (his wife was dressed in a burka and had her face covered) and the fact that as a female I shouldn't have touched him... I genuinely didn't know this was the case and didn't know how else to have caught his attention as they were about to walk off prior to me pointing out the keys... I feel a bit awful now like I disrespected someone's religion inadvertently. Am I really that much or an ignorant person?

OP posts:
Obki · 15/04/2023 15:17

Singapore4 · 15/04/2023 15:15

That's no excuse at all though. You have to have manners. It's all well and good you saying this but can you imagine picking someone's keys off the floor and someone shouting at you, can you?

Hats off to OP because I would of gave him a right piece of my mind even if he had come for trauma. Perhaps OP has come from from trauma. Let's not excuse someone raising your voice and being rude to a STRANGER.

Show quote history

What are you on about? No excuse for what? That poster is just saying we don't actually know whether the man's reaction had anything to do with his religion at all? He didn't say anything about this, it was the OP's friend who suggested it.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/04/2023 15:18

If he and his wife were wearing Islamic clothing, it is reasonable to assume that they were Muslims. Maybe even strict Muslims.

What is not reasonable to assume is that his twattish behaviour was because he was a Muslim. It is possible for people who happen to be Muslims to behave badly for reasons which are entirely unconnected to their religion. Just as it is possible for Christians, Hindus, Buddhists etc to behave badly for reasons which might have nothing to do with their religion.

This might have been a reaction connected to his religion. Or it might have been totally unrelated. We cannot possibly know.

Greenfinch7 · 15/04/2023 15:18

@Obki Just to repeat, I certainly don't think Islam tells anyone to behave like that quite the reverse!

Obki · 15/04/2023 15:19

Greenfinch7 · 15/04/2023 15:16

@Obki Islamophobia?? Nonsense- this OP is either genuinely worrying or else pretending that she worries she 'disrespected someone's religion' by getting his attention to help him with a problem.

I don't think any religion tells people not to help other people.
SO I am saying, if such a religion exists, why would the OP respect it?

Oh sorry I got the wrong end of the stick! I agree with you.

Obki · 15/04/2023 15:20

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/04/2023 15:18

If he and his wife were wearing Islamic clothing, it is reasonable to assume that they were Muslims. Maybe even strict Muslims.

What is not reasonable to assume is that his twattish behaviour was because he was a Muslim. It is possible for people who happen to be Muslims to behave badly for reasons which are entirely unconnected to their religion. Just as it is possible for Christians, Hindus, Buddhists etc to behave badly for reasons which might have nothing to do with their religion.

This might have been a reaction connected to his religion. Or it might have been totally unrelated. We cannot possibly know.

Totally agree !

itsmylife7 · 15/04/2023 15:21

Don't worry about it. I think he was very rude the fact you were giving him his keys back.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/04/2023 15:22

Singapore4 · 15/04/2023 15:15

That's no excuse at all though. You have to have manners. It's all well and good you saying this but can you imagine picking someone's keys off the floor and someone shouting at you, can you?

Hats off to OP because I would of gave him a right piece of my mind even if he had come for trauma. Perhaps OP has come from from trauma. Let's not excuse someone raising your voice and being rude to a STRANGER.

Show quote history

Lol, talk about completely missing the point. Do you usually struggle with reading comprehension?

I have not said or implied anywhere that the man's behaviour was acceptable. I have merely suggested that religious beliefs are only one possible explanation of his behaviour, and that there may have been other quite related reasons for his rudeness.

None of those reasons would be an excuse. I just don't think it's fair to leap to the conclusion that he was rude because he was a Muslim. Maybe he was just a rude person!

Greenfinch7 · 15/04/2023 15:22

Thanks @Obki (I think I was gently implying some possible Islamophobia in the original story, as well as a bit of a humble brag, but I didn't want to be rude).

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/04/2023 15:23

Obki · 15/04/2023 15:20

Totally agree !

Show quote history

We seem to be in a minority though!!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/04/2023 15:24

Greenfinch7 · 15/04/2023 15:22

Thanks @Obki (I think I was gently implying some possible Islamophobia in the original story, as well as a bit of a humble brag, but I didn't want to be rude).

Yep, I wondered that too.

Original poster
LondonElle · 15/04/2023 15:26

Greenfinch7 · 15/04/2023 15:22

Thanks @Obki (I think I was gently implying some possible Islamophobia in the original story, as well as a bit of a humble brag, but I didn't want to be rude).

Humble Brag no
Possible ignorance yes which was my concern, also my friend saying what she said made me think I had completely crossed the line.. I admit I suffer with anxiety which is an issue and a probable factor in this.

OP posts:
JaneFondue · 15/04/2023 15:26

Odd post..Dogwhistle probably.

Obki · 15/04/2023 15:26

Greenfinch7 · 15/04/2023 15:22

Thanks @Obki (I think I was gently implying some possible Islamophobia in the original story, as well as a bit of a humble brag, but I didn't want to be rude).

I wondered the same, but didn’t want to say.

Obki · 15/04/2023 15:26

JaneFondue · 15/04/2023 15:26

Odd post..Dogwhistle probably.

Entirely possible.

cashmerecow · 15/04/2023 15:28

Superstorefan123 · 15/04/2023 15:14

Fairly common for Muslim men to not touch women they don’t know - I work extensively with people from the Middle East and would never offer a hand shake etc.

However - it is unavoidable to be touched lightly in public so his reaction was extreme and unpleasant. In my experience, when people break etiquette at work (offering a hand, touching hands whilst passing documents) people are very polite and would never react like this.

Probably as common as priests to touch kids that aren't there's?

Conkersinautumn · 15/04/2023 15:28

Meh. He didn't hear you because of some reasons i guess. He was probably startled by being touched. What did he shout? Was he rude? I wouldn't worry about that. Unfortunately touching someone is a bit 'drastic' it's not necessarily a religious thing - covid springs to mind some people are very offended by being touched or just scared. I'm surprised he didn't backtrack on realising what was happening though

Imthegingerbreadwoman · 15/04/2023 15:29

Muslim here. He was just rude. Pay it no more thought OP

UnsureSchool32 · 15/04/2023 15:31

I recall being lost in New York. I approached a male very religious Jewish man, for directions, tbh I thought nothing of it and he was really friendly. Afterwards I was telling my friend who lives in NY (who I was looking for!) and she said she couldn’t believe it as they’re not supposed to talk to people outside the community. I was in Williamsburg.

Singapore4 · 15/04/2023 15:31

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/04/2023 15:22

Lol, talk about completely missing the point. Do you usually struggle with reading comprehension?

I have not said or implied anywhere that the man's behaviour was acceptable. I have merely suggested that religious beliefs are only one possible explanation of his behaviour, and that there may have been other quite related reasons for his rudeness.

None of those reasons would be an excuse. I just don't think it's fair to leap to the conclusion that he was rude because he was a Muslim. Maybe he was just a rude person!

Show quote history

No. As an ethnic person and grandparents 1st generation born I am not struggling to comprehend your point. I have given you the other side of the coin. I didn't mention anybody religion nor clothing. YOU don't seem to like I have pointed out the man's shit behaviour on the back of someone else's post. NOT because of a religion which is potential like you keep on saying.

Don't start getting arsey because I have gave my opinion. You must have a chip on your shoulder. I'm ethnic minority... so don't start turning this into a race thing. Cheers!

ProudMuslima · 15/04/2023 15:32

LondonElle · 15/04/2023 13:39

Was out shopping today with a Friend and our children and noticed the gentleman in front of me car keys fall out of his pocket and him and his wife didn't notice, the queue was moving fast and I didn't want them being stepped on or lost so I tried to get his attention, I said excuse me gently at first and then louder but I couldn't attract him or his wife's attention, so I lightly tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to they keys he had dropped. He looked aghast and shouted at me... I was quite taken aback he then grabbed the keys but looked fuming with me.
My friend who I was with said that it may be because of his religion, (his wife was dressed in a burka and had her face covered) and the fact that as a female I shouldn't have touched him... I genuinely didn't know this was the case and didn't know how else to have caught his attention as they were about to walk off prior to me pointing out the keys... I feel a bit awful now like I disrespected someone's religion inadvertently. Am I really that much or an ignorant person?

@LondonElle I am Muslim. You did a very nice gesture, the kind that we as Muslims are encouraged to perform. I am so very sorry about his rude and inexplicable reaction. This is due to him and certainly not to his being Muslim. Thank you 😊

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/04/2023 15:33

@CoffeeCantata , very true. MNers so often seem very keen to abuse Christianity/Christians (perhaps especially the poor old ‘Tea and cakes or death!’ C of E, but I have hardly ever seen abuse of any other variety of religion. I’m not at all religious, but I certainly do notice such things.

Cherrysherbet · 15/04/2023 15:34

Religion is no excuse.

His behaviour was disrespectful to you. Absolutely appalling. He is the one who should be mortified about how he treated you, but I bet he isn’t!

RaininSummer · 15/04/2023 15:34

His problem entirely. Rude man.

Snaaaaacks · 15/04/2023 15:36

No he was just a prick. He won't turn to stone if a woman taps him on the shoulder! Just because you believe in nonsense doesn't give you the right to be rude. Even if it was nothing to do with his religion he was still dam rude.

ProudMuslima · 15/04/2023 15:36

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/04/2023 13:47

No, I don't think you did. Being rude and ungrateful to someone who is trying to help you is not in line with the teachings of any religion.

It might have been nothing to do with his religion. E.g. he might have PTSD or something and reacted unreasonably to the trigger of being touched unexpectedly.

There is no real reason to assume that his reaction had anything to do with the fact that he was Muslim.

Exactly this. 100%. Thank you @MrsBennetsPoorNerves you said exactly what I wanted to say in a much better way 😊
I llllove your username and I llllove everything Jane Austen ❤