Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

434 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

OP posts:
ChickenDhansak82 · 15/04/2023 12:29

You just say your DD needs her privacy and space due to pre-puberty hormones, hence you booked a 3 bed and not a 2 bed, so unfortunately you don't have any spare rooms available.

No one should be arguing with puberty and hormones!

Thegoodscissors · 15/04/2023 12:30

I mean if you had wanted your kids to share a room you would only have booked, and paid for, a caravan with two rooms.

yikesanotherbooboo · 15/04/2023 12:32

I would have taken the 11 to DN to share with DD and let FIL have the young people. My DC always shared rooms on holiday in any case . It was a novelty for them and cheaper for us.

SittingNextToIt · 15/04/2023 12:33

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

How I have got to the age of 38, and spouse to 40, without ever going on these extended family holidays I never know.

Holiday for us means - me, him, DS, DD and if in the UK - ddog.

sorry but these are the reasons why you shouldn’t be booking these things.

Ponoka7 · 15/04/2023 12:34

yikesanotherbooboo · 15/04/2023 12:32

I would have taken the 11 to DN to share with DD and let FIL have the young people. My DC always shared rooms on holiday in any case . It was a novelty for them and cheaper for us.

Did you miss that the 11 year old bullies the OP's children and verbally abuses the DD, even when told to stop?

60smusic · 15/04/2023 12:37

Your fil has a spare room. Can the young couple take that and their child on the pull out.

diddl · 15/04/2023 12:38

What's the phrase on here?

"That doesn't work for us".

MinnieGirl · 15/04/2023 12:39

HarrietStyles · 15/04/2023 10:38

Absolutely not - if I’d paid for a caravan for my family, then no-one else is inviting other people along and trying to squeeze them into my caravan. Totally changes the dynamic of the holiday. Happy to do stuff all together during the daytime, but at the end of the day I want space and time just with my family. If someone else invites other people along to the group trip, then it’s their responsibility to house them, or for them to book additional accommodation. Though I’m not sure if I’d be happy with more people being added on at a later date, without consulting with the whole group and getting everyone’s ok first. You booked the trip ages ago, with an agreed group of people. I’d be pretty pissed off if several more people are added onto the holiday without me knowing.

This….
It’s not down to you to worry about MiL, your husband is quite correct. Say no.
You have paid for a nice holiday and you don’t want two extra adults. Just tell SiL that doesn’t work for you, you booked the caravan for your family not to add people and you wouldn’t feel comfortable. And they can book somewhere nearby. Especially as no money is being offered. Not that that would change my mind…
Having the adult couple would totally change the dynamics. And the niece doesn’t sound a joy… do you really still want to go? SiL’s meddling would have spoilt things for me to be honest

GabriellaMontez · 15/04/2023 12:41

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 11:48

Probably not!

Honestly it’s a bit weird with DH’s family. Everyone skirts around issues. Whereas in my family if I did that my brothers would reply “What have you done that for you utter wazzock. Not fucking staying with us. Lots of love.”

Show quote history

Maybe you should communicate with them the way your family would. OK it might rock the boat. But so what? They don't mind what you think and sil didn't have a second thought about pulling this cf move on you.

Send your earlier post about thin walls and strangers in y fronts and free yourself of further requests.

What's the worst that can happen?

Tomorrowisagesaway · 15/04/2023 12:41

Sounds awful - .I wouldn't go, there's likely to be an explosion over the 11 year old bullying your kids, SIL will undoubtedly try to fob her off on you, so you end up with the adults taking sides when you refuse, and you 'll find out how well the ex's really get on. And the 22 year old uni boyfriend you've never met sharing a caravan holiday, he must love her but he won't after what she's putting him through.

If you do go, 'No is a single sentence' is unlikely to work with your SIL, so I'd say as a PP recommended, that you can't have extra in your caravan as your Mum is going to visit and stay over for a few days.

And if you go, you have to do a daily update for us, it will make it more bearable for you, and I'm overinvested in your holiday now.

Hoppingmad231 · 15/04/2023 12:47

Tell them to get online an book their own caravan, sil done the inviting so it's her issuse I would say no.

Sapphire387 · 15/04/2023 12:52

Surely 11yo DN has to share with their DS, leaving the spare room for MIL. Then FIL and SMIL could be asked if they would have the 22 year olds?

This whole holiday sounds WEIRD. MIL and SMIL, I.e. FIL and MIL are divorced but still going on holiday together, albeit in different caravans?

Your DH seems to have made up his mind to say no, and they are his family, so if I were you, I would keep out of it.

BadLad · 15/04/2023 12:54

What I would do is hack my head off with a kitchen knife before going on holiday with so many relatives.

Second choice would be to have MiL in our caravan.

Then I’d never go on holiday in a large family group again.

Pinkdelight3 · 15/04/2023 12:56

I wouldn't be bringing DD's puberty hormones into it. Your DH's flat no suffices. No reason needed. SIL clearly can't be counted on for reasoning.

Hankunamatata · 15/04/2023 12:57

I'd actually just pull sil up and tell her it was rude to invite her adult dd and bf and expect them to stay in your caravan.
Tell sil she needs to book and pay for another van if she wants her adult dd to come as would totally unfair to make mil sleep on the sofa.

Alternatively move your booking and go without the rest

Duckingella · 15/04/2023 13:02

If it's with a large company they'll usually allow you to change holiday parks to any of there's in the country.

I'd seriously consider moving your holiday to another part of the country away from that whole shitshow

MinnieGirl · 15/04/2023 13:06

Duckingella · 15/04/2023 13:02

If it's with a large company they'll usually allow you to change holiday parks to any of there's in the country.

I'd seriously consider moving your holiday to another part of the country away from that whole shitshow

That sounds like a very good idea

zingally · 15/04/2023 13:06

This is a SIL problem, not a you problem.

"We won't be accommodating anyone else in our caravan, so you'll have to make other arrangements for the new invitees. I'm sure there'll still be caravans available to book for them if you're quick though!"

Whichnumbers · 15/04/2023 13:08

We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things

We are not up for sharing on this occasion for various reason. In the nicest way SIL think about where people are going to sleep before you invite them & check with others before the invite goes out so you know you have room.

Katrinawaves · 15/04/2023 13:11

If you get on reasonably well with the SIL I’d also have a private word with her about the niece to say you were dismayed she’s invited her without discussing this with your family first, that your kids don’t get on well together so you wouldn’t have chosen to go on a holiday with the niece, and that you won’t be able to offer any support with childcare for the niece whilst you are away because it wouldn’t be fair on your kids for you to offer to do so.

postapesto · 15/04/2023 13:16

NoSquirrels · 15/04/2023 10:22

Wouldn’t offering to have MIL be the least-worst option?

No. The least worst option would be to say "This is my caravan and I have not invited anyone to stay in it. You invited extra people, where they stay is your problem, not mine".

And that is exactly what I would be saying if you somehow got me drunk enough to agree to Haven caravans and the in-laws in the first place

Thegoodscissors · 15/04/2023 13:17

You will be the one who ends up parenting the 11-year old, and intervene between her and your dc.

Shinyandnew1 · 15/04/2023 13:22

97% of replies say you aren’t being unreasonable! What are you going to say, @TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl?!

It would ruin my holiday (and the whole run up to it!) knowing this 11 year old will probably be in my caravan all week upsetting my kids (even if she sleeps elsewhere!)

Readinstead · 15/04/2023 13:24

I know you said Haven type rather than Haven but I assume terms and conditions are similar elsewhere. Haven have an admin charge to change a booking and if extra people are found to be occupying without prior notification they can cancel your holiday there and then without refund.
Tell sil you are not changing your booking and you will not risk your holiday being cancelled by having extra people if she tries to guilt trip you during the holiday.
My dsis has tried this sort of thing in the past and I have found terms and conditions have been my friend!

MerryMarigold · 15/04/2023 13:26

Crunchymum · 15/04/2023 11:30

If money was no object I'd donate the caravan to MIL / 22yo and the other niece and I'd book a holiday abroad 😂

Assuming you can't afford to do this I'd take MIL. It's her only chance of a holiday but doesn't mean she should forgo a bed. She was an invited guest and deserves a room.

22yo and BF need to make a contribution!!

This. I would pay for MIL's third and the other people involved can pay the rest.

Swipe left for the next trending thread