To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

Your SIL is a loon and very reminiscent of an ex-friend who I vowed never to go on holiday with again after she constantly tried to persuade me that it would be nice for her new BF, her DS, his GF and, at one point, her brother, to join us in for various bits of a 7-day stay in a tiny 2-bedroomed cottage that I had booked, with her agreement, for just the 2 of us. In the end, she joined me on the 3rd day, because she couldn't bear to be parted from her new shag. Then her DS, who was at uni a few miles away, came out for a meal with us on the 3rd night and stayed for the rest of the week.

You have booked the accommodation you need to have an enjoyable holiday. YOur SIL's extended the invitation to 4 extra people without consulting you (or anyone else, by the sound of it) first and is being very presumptious in asking you to settle for less space than you chose to have and have paid for.

This is all on her and she needs to sort it.

Agree that no is the best answer, followed by retaliation with fake possible extra guests. Perhaps you offered to let the children bring a friend each, and your mum might come and would love to use FiL’s spare room, otherwise she’ll be on the pull out…

This is exactly what I’d be saying, and it wouldn’t be up for any further discussion.

If your SIL tries to force the issue, I’d pull out altogether (assuming you can get a refund or change dates).

This would absolutely ruin my holiday, especially when you consider that the days of caravan holidays being a budget option, are long gone.

Sorry if this has been mentioned and I've missed it but how many bathrooms in your caravan? Sometimes 3 beds have 2, sometimes just 1. I wouldn't be happy sharing a bathroom with relative strangers, it would be very awkward trying to have a relaxing shit knowing other people are waiting within hearing distance to wee or shower!

Make your husband deal with it - it’s his family not yours! He has quite strong views - do NOT get pulled in - he can (and will it sounds like) sort it out.

Obviously you should do what hundreds of pps have said and just say no, or going somewhere else sounds even better.

But if you did decide to take one of the extra people what about your SIL’s ds? It sounds like he is the one that you really wanted to holiday with in the first place.

What a cheek SIL has .

I'm glad your DH is putting his foot down and going to speak to his DM about it.

SIL is a wee bit like that on shared accommodation holidays, assuming that it will be no bother to squeeze in an extra boyfriend or girlfriend, when actually it means that DS has to share and we've paid on the basis he gets his own room.

I hadn't even considered the bathroom arrangements! And caravan walls have no soundproofing worth speaking of, it would be awful.

My arse would spend the whole week slammed shut if I had to crap in a caravan toilet with anyone other than close family nearby.

No way - holidays aren’t about “squeezing in”. So don’t let anyone feel like you’re being self indulgent or selfish by saying no.

Caravans compromise on space anyway, stand your ground.

I would be looking to cancel if I could get a refund, sounds like hell on earth and not a holiday. I would even take the hit of a small loss and look for somewhere else to go.

I’d be seriously re-thinking the whole thing TBH but definitely not having anyone else in the caravan. Quite apart from anything else everything in a caravan is TINY, there’ll be tiny loos, nowhere to put stuff. It’s not like a 3 bed holiday house. Just say clearly on the WhatsApp that the caravan is fully occupied and you don’t think it will work, and you’d assumed that SIL had sorted extra accommodation.

There is truly nothing worse than paying for a holiday which you end up not enjoying.

This ^^

Although I agree that I doubt that the 22 year olds would want to stay in a family caravan with other people anyway.

SIL invited them, she can sort it.

Nah, just nah. I would have said no straight off the bat. You've shown weakness by hesitating and now you'll be endlessly nagged.

I would be calling the site and asking to be accommodated as far away as possible from the other two groups. On a separate site if they have one!

In your shoes OP I would ask the extra guests if they want to buy your holiday as you have to cancel for something thats just come up! Seriously sell it to them and just cancel go somewhere else on your own with your DH and kids...this amount of stress is so not worth the hassle

I have just got back from a holiday where my kids shared a room and it was MISERABLE. No one got any decent sleep and we had to spend every evening telling them off. Say no no no way.

Say that your DC have friends coming with them so the rooms are all full.

How about you say, they can have our caravan and give us the money. With that we will stay elsewhere but nearby. Not on the same site as you said there is no availability.

It's passive aggressive but will make them realise how annoyed you are

Maybe find somewhere first though.

SIl is doing all the inviting so she can sort out all the sleeping arrangements(not utilising your caravan)

I'd offer to have MIL. It's the least worst option. Much better than listening to adult neice and BF shagging.

She did the inviting. Her problem to solve. Your caravan is full. You don't want to share and you wouldn't have booked in the first place if you'd know you had to share with others.
So just tell her that.
If she's not happy, offer to sell your booking to the others and go and holiday somewhere else.

Oh and don't book a holiday with them again.

Why would you lie? That would make things v awkward when you arrive with no friends in tow.

The whole point is you are on holiday

You booked what you needed.

If SIL invites more people than she booked for then that is up to SIL not you.

I have had this growing up. Always ended up with me being worse off than anyone else.

Time to make SIL responsible for her largesse. No good inviting 101 extra people if you then expect others to take over housing them.

You invite someone you are responsible for their accommodation

You SAY they are coming, and then have a last minute change. Or would you actually say "oh - I lied so that you would not be able to put people into the caravan I booked and paid for". For me, I would just tell them I have people for all the bedrooms and there is no more space. Or perhaps that I have some horrible, undisclosed, non terminal illness that makes sharing impossible for non family. There are so many reasons to use for refusing.

Exactly this. She invited so it's her problem. Also if it's your in laws put it on your husband to say no.