To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

Personally I’d be wanting out of this holiday. When you signed up for it months ago you did NOT agree to a holiday with:

1. A cousin who terrorises your children in your caravan
2. A holiday with two exes
3. Niece’s 22 year old bf you hardly know

Tell your sister in law that you want out. You didn’t agree to a holiday with all these extra people. If she wants all these extra people on the holiday, then she can buy your caravan for whatever price you paid for it. Book your own holiday somewhere else! Problem solved.

A new uni boyfriend - imagine being dragged along to a holiday like this!

Also 11yr old niece could share with their DS8 given they clearly expect your DC’s to share.

So you guys keep your own space - non negotiable!
SIL and BIl, DS8 and DN11 plus MIL in their caravan and DN22 and BF share with grandparents?

Yes he must REALLY like the niece!! 😂😂😂😂

The mil gets the room, if the extra people want to come they can take their sofa. Why on earth would you have to host 2 extra adults in your space? You can imagine what they'll be up to, absolutely no way. Other option is they sort their own accommodation so pay for another caravan or a tent pitch. This isn't your problem either way and your mil should not be sleeping on a sofa.

To be honest, I’d brazen it out and say “gosh, your caravan is going to be very full - bodies everywhere!”

and just leave it at that.

if she suggests they could come to yours, a brief “no, we booked a 3 bedroom caravan because we need a 3 bedroom caravan”

her issue to sort out.

The thought of cramming in a caravan with loads of people I barely know just doesn’t sound like a holiday at all 🙄 the 22 year olds can’t really expect just to jump on someone else’s holiday, stay in their caravan and it’s all free. Surely they could book their own one bed thing somewhere?

I'd honestly be ringing the caravan park and rebooking for a different week and telling everyone the park made a mistake and what a shame they're full now.
Fuck that shit, sounds bloody awful.

Keep your caravan for you.
22 Yr old can leave the boyfriend at home for a week and sleep on the couch in SIL's.

Probably not!

Honestly it’s a bit weird with DH’s family. Everyone skirts around issues. Whereas in my family if I did that my brothers would reply “What have you done that for you utter wazzock. Not fucking staying with us. Lots of love.”

Oh nightmare. Utter utter nightmare.

I am so sorry.

I'd be seeing if I could get a refund on the accomm and would bugger off to an AI in Spain.

have to say though- you are pretty gracious. I would be raging and there would be swear words involved.

You say no to your SIL and say it is her issue to solve, your caravan is full.

Or looking for an excuse to dump him...family holiday should do it for her..he will run a mile if he has any sense...😉😂

I would cancel completely and go somewhere else. I really could not owe doing with the hassle of having to communicate with all those relatives.

I agree, can you re-book for a different week OP? Sounds like your own kids wont be looking forward to their holiday once they know bully-cousin is coming along. Even if sleeping in a different caravan they aren't going to be easily able to avoid her (and I'd be saying no to having two extra adults in the caravan too if you did still go as that wasn't your plan when you booked).

This!!!

I would not entertain the idea of sharing the caravan with anyone else. It's not a holiday if you'd rather be at home.

@icanneverthinkofnc

Ha yes.

OP pls do come back this post and report on whether the boyfriend turned up and how he coped!

The only 2 options I’d consider are MIL and your DD sharing (if your DD is happy with this) or saying “Sorry, we booked 3 bedrooms so our kids can have a room each as they’re at that age when they need their own privacy”.

It’s really cheeky of your SIL to invite others then assume they can bunk up with other people, I’d have no problem telling her to work out the logistics excluding my caravan.

There's no way I'd agree to this, I did a few family weekends with my husband at a similar age and we stayed in nice hotels with our own space to escape to, where we could relax (and shag) as much as we liked. Staying in a caravan together, good god no, why would they even want to do this?

If you end up 'hosting' others, will you be expected to cater for them too?
No one in OP's caravan should have to compromise. They booked enough rooms for their family and the rest is SIL's problem to sort out. This is all that needs to be said!

Not your sink, not your dishes.
"We have booked and paid for the accommodation we need to enjoy the holiday, hope you find a solution".
End of.

I love multi-generational family holidays with various hangers-on coming along.
BUT never never sharing space with anyone who doesn't live with me. Hard no.
Many reasons as stated in pp, but my main one is that there will be lots of niggles - X wants to do Y, A wants to go to the museum but B wants to go to the beach, C is drinking far too much, D was a bit slow paying his share of lunch. All par for the course and recoverable, but I need my own space to moan it out in private with DH, put it to bed and get on with the holiday.

Quite. Why has her big mouth led to you having a problem to solve? Not your problem!

This is easy. You say nope, and say nothing more about it. It’s SILs mess let her sort it out

I think that this is a holiday you should have said no to! Nothing about it seems good.