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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

434 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 10:20

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 15:21

*so blunt

We definitely don’t do bling 😂

OP posts:
rookiemere · 15/04/2023 15:22

People need to stop posting suggestions which involve FIL having different people from what they offered. They kindly volunteered to take in one of the DCs ( presumably his own DGC), they aren't obliged to take in the young couple either - if they wanted to, they would have said so.

I8toys · 15/04/2023 15:24

Sounds like absolute hell. Stand firm. No way would I want to share with anyone else. SIL needs to sort this shit show out and MIL needs to have her own room.

Therealjudgejudy · 15/04/2023 15:24

Your SIL created this situation...so she deals with it.

Don't feel guilty saying no way. You booked your accommodation to suit your family needs. Her wants don't change this.

Olive19741205 · 15/04/2023 15:24

Does SIL expect your kids to share a room but her kid still gets a room all to himself? That's very cheeky. Am I missing something? Isn't it as simple as her son sleeps on the pull down in sitting area and her DD and bf gets the room and MIL keeps her room? 11 year old still goes with FIL.

rookiemere · 15/04/2023 15:26

I also wouldn't be using excuses about other people potentially staying. SIL sounds cheeky enough to insist that people stay with you until or if they arrive.

Just say no. You booked and paid for what you needed. MIL will be disappointed if she has to sleep on SILs sofa bed, but she's still getting a free holiday.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 15/04/2023 15:31

Madness

MeetMyCat · 15/04/2023 15:37

OP, do not get involved with finding a solution! You have not created this situation, it’s not down to you to solve it!

EmilyGilmoresSass · 15/04/2023 15:39

I'm pretty sure the adult daughter and boyfriend that your SIL invited should pay for their own caravan. I'd not expect at the age of 22 to get a free holiday and inconvenience everyone else, especially if I was made aware they weren't even asked first. I'd not want to go.

Beautiful3 · 15/04/2023 15:40

I'd say, I'm sorry our caravan is full. It's up to them, how it's dealt with at their end. I would not get involved with it.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 15/04/2023 15:41

MeetMyCat · 15/04/2023 15:37

OP, do not get involved with finding a solution! You have not created this situation, it’s not down to you to solve it!

Exactly this op sounds like she very much doesn’t want anyone apart from the 4 of them and the mil would be reluctant out of the others.
inviting people to come after booked without thinking where they will stay is not the ops fault so say no . The mil will have to speak up too if she’s forced to share a room but imo she gets less of a say considering it’s s freebie .
id say no and not feel bad .

SMabbutt · 15/04/2023 15:41

22 year old and bf go in fil's caravan. 11 year old shares with her cousin in sil's caravan and mil keeps the bedroom originally offered.

If things get awkward part way through your mil can spend most of the time with you so she gets a break from the 11 year old if she causes a fuss. At a push offer her a bed in your caravan half way through the week with the excuse of giving more room for your sil for the last few days. I'm sure your dc will cope for 2 or 3 nights if absolutely necessary. Finally never go away with your sil again. It's not on to start changing plans and expect other people's to provide accommodation for her family with no prior consultation.

Throughalookingglass · 15/04/2023 15:42

I can't keep track of all the different people going and living together for one holiday. I have never and will never understand why people book ultra large extended family holidays together.

What has jumped out at me is why are step MIL and MIL both going on the same holiday? It sounds like something from Shameless.

Shinyandnew1 · 15/04/2023 15:44

MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

That seems an odd thing to look forward to. Does she not have her own room at home? Does she normally go on holiday and share a room?

SadAsHell · 15/04/2023 15:51

Have only read OPs posts but can the 22 year olds not camp? Assuming they aren't paying for a bed in any caravan I'd let them have a small square of the area outside the caravan to pitch a tent.

GabriellaMontez · 15/04/2023 15:54

Olive19741205 · 15/04/2023 15:24

Does SIL expect your kids to share a room but her kid still gets a room all to himself? That's very cheeky. Am I missing something? Isn't it as simple as her son sleeps on the pull down in sitting area and her DD and bf gets the room and MIL keeps her room? 11 year old still goes with FIL.

Agree with others this isnt foe the OP to fix...

But yes! This does solve the problem. At inconvenience to the sil instead of the OP.

Fraaahnces · 15/04/2023 15:56

If you’re okay being blunt with each other, it’s probably time SIL learned how to fit in….. “WHERE DO YOU GET OFF INVITING PEOPLE ON MY FUCKING HOLIDAY???”

Beautiful3 · 15/04/2023 15:58

Olive19741205 · Today 15:24

"Does SIL expect your kids to share a room but her kid still gets a room all to himself? That's very cheeky. Am I missing something? Isn't it as simple as her son sleeps on the pull down in sitting area and her DD and bf gets the room and MIL keeps her room? 11 year old still goes with FIL"

Agree with the above. Do not offer a bed in your caravan. Why should your children be uncomfortable, just because sil wants to bring extra people?!

1offnamechange · 15/04/2023 15:59

I'm another one who doesn't understand why on earth 22 y/o and boyfriend would even want to come on a random caravan holiday with young kids and grandparents! Nor why MIL would want to go away with her ex and his new wife!

OP I have no idea why you are even angsting about this. You don't want an extra person. Your DH agrees and it's his family so there's no conflict there. Nobody is even offering you money to share your caravan. It's SIL who caused the problem so it's up to her to sort out. If either MIL or the 22 year olds don't want to be on a sofa bed in a living room squeezed in a tiny caravan with 5 other people they can just say no to the holiday - presumably they haven't paid anything at this point because SIL has already covered her caravan so nobody loses out. You didn't invite them on holiday or to share your caravan so you haven't taken anything off them!

Original poster
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 15/04/2023 16:09

UPDATE ALERT

DH has spoken to MIL who is pissed off about the whole thing but doesn’t want to put us out. She is going to try and get the rooms switched around with FIL so that 11yo niece shares with 8yo nephew (SIL can’t mind 11yo much seeing as she invited her!) and 22yo niece and boyfriend (who are according to MN are ‘shaggers’ 🤷‍♀️ ) stay with FIL.

DH is now booking day activities for just the 4 of us. We need to not be too involved with everyone else on this holiday. Which probably defeats the point of a family holiday but Ho early it’s been a hard year for us and I can’t cope with the drama

OP posts:
Katrinawaves · 15/04/2023 16:13

That sounds like a result @TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl. I’d still make clear to your SIL however that you won’t be providing any childcare or support for niece as your own kids don’t get on with her.

GabriellaMontez · 15/04/2023 16:17

Thanks for the update 😀

Not a bad solution. But I fear Sil is not going to like it !!!

OneSugar1 · 15/04/2023 16:19

Sorry, I know it’s probably already been answered but why can’t:

  • shaggers stay in FIL spare room
  • 11yo stay on sofa in SIL living room
  • MIL stay in her original room
Justalittlebitduckling · 15/04/2023 16:28

I think it’s fair enough to say, we’re really looking forward to being on holiday together with you all but we also need some time and space as a family, that’s really important to us and that’s why we’ve shelled out all this money for our own caravan so we’re not going to offer to host anyone else.

Hellybelly84 · 15/04/2023 16:38

Im so glad we only go on holiday with our kids 😀