To ask what you would you in this in-law holiday situation of caravan sharing

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

Have a family holiday to Dorset in July at a Haven-type place. We all booked it in September last year. Us (me DH 2 kids) SIL (her, BIL and their 8yo DS) have each booked a 3-bed caravan and FIL (him and StepMIL) have booked a 2 bed. SIL then invited MIL to stay in hers in their 3rd bedroom, for free. MIL is on her own, works minimum wage job and would never otherwise be able to afford a holiday herself, and has told me she is looking forward to having a bedroom to herself.

Our kids are 6&10 and we planned to use all 3 bedrooms in our caravan as we have a boy and a girl and they don’t always love sharing a room on holiday. 10yo DD is also now (fairly) wanting people to respect her privacy especially when she gets changed etc.

So to summarise: at the point of booking, our caravan is technically full, SIL’s caravan is full and FIL’s caravan has 1 spare room.

Except SIL has now invited our 11yo niece (their brother’s DD) and also her adult DD (22) and adult DD’s boyfriend on the holiday. She is the type of person who doesn’t EVER think things through. MIL posted on the family WhatsApp group asking where the new people are gonna stay.

Anyway, FIL has offered to have 11yo niece in his 2nd bedroom. So SIL asked if we can have her adult DD and boyfriend in ours. Otherwise they will have to stay in her caravan and poor MIL will be relegated to the pull out bed in the living room.

Im really annoyed at it all, because if I’m being honest I don’t want ANYONE in our caravan except the 4 of us. We technically have the space but I’ve only met 22yo’s boyfriend twice I’m not keen on having him stay in the same space as us. I also don’t want 11yo niece as she constantly picks on my kids, she’s really rough with them, always hitting them, shows them TikTok videos and does stupid annoying things.

But I feel bad for MIL that she will be relegated to the sofa. Also, no money is being offered for us hosting extra people and it wasn’t a cheap holiday either.

I want to be able to walk around in my short nightie, fart, talk about personal things with my DH that I don’t want other people to hear, and laze around like a sloth without worrying what other people think.

We already had a wobble over this bloody holiday when we booked it as SIL said to me “Your DD can stay in our caravan, (their) DS will want her there with him” and I had to say no sorry but our DD will be staying with us.

My DH has said he thinks we should say no, it’s our caravan and we booked it without the expectation of extra people. And that MIL needs to fight her own corner. But I think that’s gonna be SUPER awkward and unkind.

YANBU - Tell them to bugger off and enjoy your holiday
YABU - Share your caravan you horrible cow!

Don't get involved in this, don't offer solutions and suggestions. Don't even get involved on your MIL behalf. This is exactly what your SIL is hoping for. Your MIL needs to deal with her daughter . If your dh is clearly saying No to this, don't go looking for Trouble unnecessarily!!

Do let us know SIL’s response!

Stand firm and say No. You booked a holiday suitable for your needs
It's not fair to invite other people expecting you to compromise
MiL should have her own room

I agree.

You SAY they are coming, and then have a last minute change. Or would you actually say "oh - I lied so that you would not be able to put people into the caravan I booked and paid for".

And when you say no friends are coming after all they'll just say "oh good, so you have room for x and y then". All you're doing is kicking the can down the road.

Why can’t you or your DH tell SIL that crowding her mother out of a bedroom and onto a pullout is not ok?

Surely a woman old enough to have a DIL with a 22 year old of her own deserves her own space?

I am personally done with cramming and sharing.

I love group holidays BUT I do not want anyone else at my breakfast table. It’s too much and I’d be tempted to say just that.

Since it's your husband's family and he's fortunately not willing to put up with SIL's nonsense, I think you should let him put his foot down and refuse to budge. It's not your fault that MIL is put into an awkward situation. Her own daughter is to blame. SIL shouldn't have invited more people than she has room for, but she can't expect to cram more people into your caravan that you paid for!

I'd also worry that the 11-year-old will make herself your problem. Unless you're out and about every day, all day, and aren't somehow guilted into taking her with you, she'll probably end up expecting to play with your children.

At least you'll never be in this situation again, because I can't imagine you'll ever agree to a similar group holiday with SIL!

"I am personally done with cramming and sharing."

Same here. I would rather stay at home. I want my own room (with DH) and my own bathroom.

I started to say I want my own bathroom then thought MN would bark about it.

But yes, that’s what DH and want. We don’t even share with one another at home, so don’t want to share with a houseful of people on holiday.

I used to happily cram. Share a bed, sleep on a couch. But no more. And I’d never ask anyone else to do that.

@TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl have you been on holiday with/spent much time with SIL before? Is this sort of behaviour out of character for her?

So SIL has invited her dm to have the spare room and has now relegated her to the sofa bed so her adult dd and her bf can have the bedroom? What a nasty, CF thing to do - who would even do that to their own mother?

Let SIL and MIL sort it out between them - it’s not your problem.

Are you from Yorkshire OP :) (wassock).
SIL needs to sort this out. I'd say no, sorry, I've got some friends who might drop in and might want to stay over.

I'd probably cancel the holiday if I had to host someone I didn't know.

Could MIL share with your DD or DS?

I would say

NO.

No chance.
Not atall.

No spare rooms.

The end.

The knob head who started this shit can fix it.

Don't be a doormat.

Pretty much the height of disrespect to kick a grandmother out of a bedroom so that a DD could sleep with her BF!

Your DH is right, just tell them you have no room and if she's inviting all and sundry on the holiday she can put them up. Yes it's a shame for your MIL but that's not your battle.

Next year holiday just the 4 of you!

I’d have MIL in that situation as the least worst option.

Why should she?
I would put my foot down and just say no.

Why do people keep saying this?There are several less bad options.
Sticking up for yourself is one.

People are such doormats.

I'd suggest DD and BF in with FIL. MIL in the bedroom at SIL's, and niece on their couch unless there is a twin room she can go into with the other kid. None of them would be staying in my caravan.

Yanbu.
sil should have thought before inviting.
her problem to sort, she doesn’t get to offer YOUR caravan.

I am

Which I think is why we are do bling with each other