Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone regrets having number 3?

111 replies

everlastinghope · 14/04/2023 18:33

We have 2 dc 5 and 7 obviously things have got easier now they are in school.
We've been thinking a lot about having a 3rd for a while but I'm really undecided.
Is it much harder?
How does your body cope with a 3rd pregnancy?

OP posts:
GetYourActTogether1 · 14/04/2023 18:42

No regrets from me, I love having my three adult DC, I feel blessed.

My third labour was incredible, hardly any pain and I was so in control.

lemongirl1985 · 14/04/2023 18:53

No regrets here. My children are 15, 12 and 18 months and I love it! Had an ok pregnancy and an easy although induced labour and would have another baby if I had more money.

Rosula · 14/04/2023 18:53

I didn't regret it at all. My older DC were aged 8 and 3, that gap being due to miscarriages, and I'd always wanted three despite having bad sickness during pregnancy. My less than DM made it very clear she disapproved of my having a third and that she wasn't going to help out at all, in fact she very deliberately booked a holiday around my due date. It wasn't an easy pregnancy though I wasn't quite as sick as I'd been with the first two, and I had pre-eclampsia in the very late stages so birth was induced. However, labour wasn't too bad, MIL rallied round with looking after the other two, and from then on things were fine.

Once she was there, the baby just had to fit in with the others' routines, but by then I was sufficiently experienced with babies to cope with that. I remember thinking of her as my little bonus, particularly given my mother's disapproval, and I just enjoyed having her. There were some obvious disadvantages, e.g. going back to nappies, interrupted nights , the difficulty of juggling life with three children, etc, but obviously none of that came as a surprise and neither I nor DH regretted anything.

glasslightly · 14/04/2023 19:00

Zero regrets, found it all easier third time around and 2-3 isn’t a massive leap. That said, mine are all two years apart so I never had to go “back” to nappies etc and activities are all generally shared. The only things I don notice are, vast majority of friends had two and so are moving away from the younger years much more quickly. It’s expensive, feels disproportionately so becauce cars, holidays, housing all impacted - but even a simple
lunch on a day out is over £50. But fuck I love him to bits.

Kentlassie · 14/04/2023 19:01

No regrets, although my third pregnancy was by far the hardest.

BlueAndGreen89 · 14/04/2023 19:07

Like you OP I’ve thought about baby number 3. DS 7 and DD 5 are now in school so I’m a bit daunted by the thought of going back to the baby stage. I think about things like family holidays and days out - we already struggle to find activities that suit my kids plus 2 year old nephew so how do you navigate the big age gaps. I’ve seen families of 5 leaving their baby at home with relatives to go have the kind of holidays they’d have had if they were still a family of 4, and I’d never want to do that. But the jump from 2 to 3 feels harder than from 1 to 2.

As I’m approaching 40 it feels like we need to make the decision quickly, and we’re leaning towards not going for it, but I read these kinds of threads because I don’t want to have regrets…

Original poster
everlastinghope · 14/04/2023 19:22

Thank you for the answers, so much to think about.

OP posts:
RebeccaCloud9 · 14/04/2023 19:42

I have an 8 and 6 yo and a 6 mo. Best, most wonderful thing ever. She's an absolute joy, and the older 2 love her to bits. It is so much more enjoyable this time round: we're all a bit more confident and relaxed, and her siblings help out here and there. We've found it much easier having the age gap (with no toddlers!)

Pregnancy was harder though, as was c section recovery.

Bloatstoat · 14/04/2023 19:47

Third pregnancy was definitely the hardest, was hospitalised at the end for 10 days before having to have a C-section - but I think it was bad luck, could have happened in any of my pregnancies tbh. She isn't easy and still hasn't slept a full night at nearly 2. My older two were 2 and 5 when she was born, they have found it hard at times particularly now she is into all their things. But we all absolutely love her and I would not change anything for a second.

sleepwhenidie · 14/04/2023 19:57

Absolutely no regrets, physically no problems (though pregnancy was scary as we thought there was something wrong - turned out to be growth hormone deficiency). But as PP said, it really does feel disproportionately expensive, particularly when they are teenagers and have similar overheads to adults re clothes/food etc. Uni will be £££. Holidays abroad, the extra bedroom required (family rooms never seem to take more than 4), 5 plane tickets, a hire car big enough for 5 plus luggage for 5…it adds a lot.

Wasywasydoodah · 14/04/2023 19:59

i have 3, but only with 2 years between the youngest. There are pros and cons. The eighteen months nearly broke me, it was so hard. But it’s got loads easier. We all adore our youngest, the two youngest play together all the time, and overall our family is happy and complete. I had horrible pregnancies for all 3, so it didn’t really make a difference.

PrettyPleeeeezz · 14/04/2023 20:36

Place marking… I’m in a similar situation to you OP.

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 14/04/2023 20:39

No one (well hardly anyone) is going to tell you they regret a child they already have.

I was watching my two DC today with their cousin who’s the same age thinking that god I never went for the third child. (They we’re causing chaos together and they’re old enough to know better).

Pandax3 · 14/04/2023 20:58

I have 3, aged 7, 4 and 15 months.

I feel as though the baby set us back several years. I've just had the eldest two during the school holidays and it feels so easy with a 7 and 4 year old. There's so many things we can do together and they don't need me all the time, the way a toddler does. It just feels more relaxed. The toddler limits what we can and I feel spread quite thinly between each child.

Logistically, hotel rooms for 5 are hard to come by and/or v v expensive.

Another lot of childcare to pay out and the most basic of days out gets ££££.

Getting everyone in and out the car is a mission!

I love them all dearly and their bond is amazing, there's so much fun and laughter, although they do wind each other up and it's always noisy.

I wouldn't say I regret having a third but it is definitely 'a lot' and there's times where I am a little wistful for how much easier, cheaper and simpler life would have been as a family of 4.

Pandax3 · 14/04/2023 21:00

Oh and pregnancy wise, no real difference between mine although I was more tired and having two older children obviously means you get less time to rest and the more physical aspects of parenting were challenging as I got bigger.

My third was my easiest labour (first two were also uncomplicated).

OhMyCherriePie · 14/04/2023 21:02

I think it’s a pointless ask as most won’t admit it so you are never really going to get honest opinions.

Northernsoullover · 14/04/2023 21:05

I think a better question would have been do you regret NOT having a third.
I considered it and I'm glad I didn't but if I had I would have adapted. Financially it would have been really tough so I'm glad I didn't.

sunshineandshowers40 · 14/04/2023 21:07

No regrets. DC3 is mostly a joy! Their birth was horrendous though and if they had been my first, I'm not sure I would have had 3.

10moreyears · 14/04/2023 21:10

My mum definitely doesn’t. We are all adults now and our dad has passed on. I was number 1 (still am). Number 3 is her favourite. And with good reason. He is the one she turns to most and can most rely on most. She tolerates number 2.

underneaththeash · 14/04/2023 21:19

Me neither. I think you’ve left it too long though now. We’ve 5 years between 1&3 and even that was difficult for a while, especially for holidays.
they’re now 12,15,17 and it’s okay.

nice things are that there is always someone to play with (I’m one of three and I enjoy that too). More likely to find a sibling with the same interest as you, can play more sports.

Down side: cars (but at 5&7 you’d be fine), holiday rooms - again you’d be okay as you’d just get two rooms) but you wouldn’t get the upsides of a big close family.

Wombatbum · 14/04/2023 21:21

I have 3. 16, 15 and 6. No regrets but lots to consider in terms of having a big enough car/house etc

Wombatbum · 14/04/2023 21:22

It’s difficult now as teens aren’t interested in playing with a 6yo

AgeOfEarthquakes · 14/04/2023 21:26

I have 2 but I wanted to share the experience of my sister as we were discussing this the other day.

she had 2 close together and then a 5.5 year gap while they contemplated a third. They decided to go for it. And although they adore their youngest (he is 3 now) it hasn’t been easy. My sis had an extremely difficult pregnancy and faced life-threatening complications and was in and out of hospital. It was massively stressful and upsetting for her, her husband and their children. Her previous pregnancies had been simple so this all came as a huge shock.

Once my nephew was born, they struggled to juggle her recovery with the needs of a baby and young primary aged kids. It IS difficult going back to nappies and no sleep when you’ve got used to kids who can feed, dress and use the toilet by themselves! And there’s the fact that the little one can’t really play with the older ones/is into different things. His older sister really hates Peppa and moans whenever he wants it on.

However, she wouldn’t be without her third and really thinks their family is complete now. I think this is what most parents of 3 will say to you TBH. Not many would contemplate being without a much-loved child even if they are hard work.

But, watching from the sidelines, I’m glad I’ve stopped at 2!

skyglass · 14/04/2023 21:42

To balance this, we ummed and arrred about this at your stage and ultimately decided not to. Decided we needed to think of our eldest two and that it was more beneficial for them to have our time and finances split between them (in our circumstance).

Youngest is 10 this year so I appreciate we are probably not far enough down the line to say no regrets forever, but I can say the more time has gone on the more right it feels and the more grateful I am that we stopped. As kids hit teen years their requirements are different but don't think it's less, they need you very differently but very much need you. Not least the ferrying around! I'm glad I'm not trying to split myself between 3 at this stage.

I was also very mindful of how powerful hormones can be so DH got the snip, I wanted it off the table, I didn't want to be panicking as I neared 40 as so many women seem to, I wanted to make this decision with my head not hormones. I'm hoping as we have taken it off the table and feel resolve in our decision that it won't happen and we can carry on with peace of mind we made the right decision.

WonkeyDonkey99 · 14/04/2023 21:43

My dh would like a third. I really do not! Have never, ever had that desire. Mine are older now, one nearly a teen and one 8, so would really be going back to the start. I look at people with 3 who are really killing it! I feel like I would not. Everyone is different and family dynamics are different.

Swipe left for the next trending thread