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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if anyone regrets having number 3?

111 replies

everlastinghope · 14/04/2023 18:33

We have 2 dc 5 and 7 obviously things have got easier now they are in school.
We've been thinking a lot about having a 3rd for a while but I'm really undecided.
Is it much harder?
How does your body cope with a 3rd pregnancy?

OP posts:

Gardenerboo · 15/04/2023 06:36

I suffered multiple miscarriages after my 2nd child. I desperately wanted a 3rd but it wasn’t to be.

Now that my children are older (teen/pre teen), I very often feel relieved that sticking at 2 was how things panned out for me.

Ifyoudreamofsanddunes · 15/04/2023 06:38

I have several friends that went for a 3rd and they all say very openly that although they obviously love all their children, they found it far easier when they just had two.

BunsenBurnerBaby · 15/04/2023 06:41

I have 3, all of whom I love to bits.

BUT: by the time they are teens and heading to uni it’s £ let s as lone holidays meals out etc (we just don’t)

Also balancing the needs of 3 DC (which can get complicated) is just hard because there are three of them (you are outnumbered). DC1 v energetic and needs to be doing stuff all the time; DC2 likes relaxing and not rushing around; DC 3 complains the others set the agenda; they don’t all go to the same school and schools are not in walking distance etc etc

if you are sure do it; if not …,

pinclar · 15/04/2023 06:44

I was nearly 36 with no. 3 (with 7 and 5 year gaps) and had a section. It was not too bad really although my loose skin had no hope after a 3rd pregnancy. I was overweight in my 20s which didn't help, much better health once I started to look after myself when baby number 1 was a few months old.

I love having 3 (now they are 15, 13 and 8) but it pretty much finished off my marriage - I could cover his bullshit with 2 kids but having a 3rd made it so clear that everything fell to me and so I eventually decided it was easier to do it all myself on my own, rather than do it all anyway while seething with resentment at his inaction.

Timeisallwehave · 15/04/2023 06:45

No regrets. I recall the worry about it too well. Wasted concerns, wish I could have seen how lovely it would end up.

cptartapp · 15/04/2023 07:19

Friends had a third several years after the first two, and I feel a little sorry for her tbh. She is much loved, but it's obvious the parents are more than ready for their couple time now, and once she was old enough seem to prioritise their own interests, the gym, nights out with friends and a big house renovation for example. It seems she's just left to get on with it. Doesn't even get to experience the family holidays and days out her siblings did as they've 'been there done that' with the eldest two. Maybe the age gap is the issue.

0021andabit · 15/04/2023 07:24

Those are the gaps between my 3 and absolutely no regrets. Our 3rd is a joy & so, so loved - he’s the light of his big sibling’s lives. I love having a little gang!

As others have said, it does make life more expensive so that’s worth bearing in mind & it’s harder to find friends/ family who can watch all 3 for us but there is no way in the world I’d swap him for more expensive holidays or a few extra date nights!

0021andabit · 15/04/2023 07:26

Everyone is different though - our family was already quite loud/ chaotic/ house very messy so one more in the mix made our family feel more like our family, if you see what I mean - different families might not feel the same.

Therunecaster · 15/04/2023 07:27

My 3 are 19,18 and 16. No regrets, it was hard when they were young but they've grown up to be friends.

TheaBrandt · 15/04/2023 07:28

Not the question but stopped at two and so glad we did. Same sex they get on so we could do so much with them as children travel / theatre / activities etc as not held back by needs of a younger child. Now they are teens they are lovely but it’s full on and two definitely feels more than enough. Now university on the horizon which we only have to fund twice.

fufulina · 15/04/2023 07:32

As one of four I stopped at two. My parents simply didn’t have enough time or financial resources for all of us. And I felt that would have been the case with three, too.

TheaBrandt · 15/04/2023 07:32

And the young child stage wears off now I’m late 40s I want to be doing my own thing which coincides nicely with teens wanting independence. Personally I would hate it if I were still hanging round the primary school doing crafts and play dates etc But some parents love that and I used to but moved on.

SmallbutMighty1 · 15/04/2023 07:35

I'll let you know 😅 DSs 3 and 21m and number 3 arriving in Aug ❤️

Daffodilwoman · 15/04/2023 07:38

No regrets from me. However mine were much closer in age and would have been much closer if I had got pregnant straight away. I’m not sure if I would have like such a big age gap as you have.
It is expensive but we did without things, that’s how life is.
From people I know who’s siblings are 7 year plus age gap they are not close, none of them, so that’s something to consider. Labour was no harder or easier. I ended up having an epidural and was told after hours of labouring to prepare for a c section.
I don’t regret having 3 but there again I really, really wanted a third so that makes a difference. I was also under 35.

PatChaunceysFruitCake · 15/04/2023 07:41

TwistofFate · 15/04/2023 03:48

Slightly different take, I don't know any parents who regret having a third child but I can think of several adults (all unrelated) with 2 siblings who all stopped at 2 children (or less) for a variety of reasons from financial circumstances, housing and cars, worrying they wouldn't be able to give each child enough attention or that siblings would be too competitive.

It's such a personal decision, ultimately I think you have to decide what you'd regret most.

I'm one of three and my siblings and I are all perfectly happy with two DC (albeit one sister has a stepson).

I can give you my perspective as you've said you want things to think about....

There's a big gap as my sister and I were 10 and 8 when baby sister was born. It was hard as my mum was ill with the pregnancy and then the baby needed a lot of attention. I'm giving you the perspective of a child here but we struggled with attention being diverted and there were some things we enjoyed doing that either didn't happen or happened very infrequently once my sister had to be factored in.

Ultimately my parents divorced and I found that really tough so some of my memories are biased as they are bound up with the separation.

We are definitely the vision of a three child family as adults though. The big gap between sister3 and I has closed as we had our first DC at the same time. We are all close and the cousins are a dream together. It was hard when we were younger though which is why none of us would contemplate a third / big gap.

Sceptre86 · 15/04/2023 07:42

How old you are and how your general health is will likely impact on whether your body can cope. Do I regret it? Nope. I was 34 when she was born and it was my 3 emcs. The recovery was rougher but dh was entitled to 6 weeks paternity and had carried over 2 weeks leave which really helped. He did all nights with her for that time. I had batch cooked for those early weeks and when my mum came to visit she stocked my freezer with meals for us too.

I have dd1 who is 7, ds 5 (nearly 6) and dd2 19 months. She's a dream, I adapted really well because she slept through from 3 months. I'm so much more relaxed this time around and enjoy her. Ds was in his final year of preschool when she was born which meant I got one on one time with her whilst he was there. She would usually be napping when he came home so he got one on one time with me and then I got that time with dd1 when the other two were in bed. It worked out really well. I'm still in the early stages, appreciate that things may well get harder when they are all teenagers etc.

ginlovingqueen · 15/04/2023 07:44

How can you regret your own child?

Silly question really

JeepersCreeperrs · 15/04/2023 07:45

My friend does. She had the same age gap as you and she said she should have left well alone. Things were getting easier and now it’s so hard. Youngest doesn’t sleep, doesn’t have anyone to play with as the older two have eachother and aren’t interested in baby games. She said it’s so on her. She’s also older now and found the pregnancy really tough and finds the busyness of it all now harder.

CalpolDependant · 15/04/2023 07:48

My third was an excruciating 120 hour labour that ended in a crash C. But I don’t regret it for the world!

My elder two are 8 and 10 so it was a massive step back to the nappy stage. You don’t really ruminate on it, you just get on. Ours was a surprise baby after I lost a coil. Heaven knows where it ended up. The water treatment facility I suppose. Anyway, husband is paying for the snip in June. 😂

BHRK · 15/04/2023 07:53

Zero regrets here (and this is an honest opinion!). The early days are hard but my god, when I see the 3 of them playing together or cuddling up on the sofa, my heart could burst. I love having a large family, wouldn’t have wanted just 2

Beseen22 · 15/04/2023 07:54

I have 6 and 3 yo and wanted a 3rd and after a long while had a miscarriage. Feel a lot of resentment that it's never happened for us and a lot of sadness about that loss but as the kids get older and easier starting to think it might just be better to stick with the two. We can afford them comfortably, they are best friends, manage childcare well, I can move on with my career. Most of it comes from my entire 20s spent TTC and being so miserable at how unsuccessful that was most of the time, not sure I can put myself through that in my 30s. I'm very lucky to have the two I have and we are so happy with them.

Doingmybest12 · 15/04/2023 07:58

No regret but did feel I was a bit stuck when friends with 2 moved on to the next stage, like I was still trudging to primary school for another couple of years . That sort of thing, bit of a twinge that things could have been easier. But no no regrets.

Hopper123 · 15/04/2023 07:59

I have three, all my pregnancies were rubbish not just the third so to me it was normal, third labour was horrible and the most painful........But I don't regret a single moment or thing I couldn't imagine life without him and things are getting easier now he's 2 and beginning to understand and be understood much more. It is tough and there are days when I long for two minutes to myself. Things definitely cost more, for example most hotels won't let you book just 1 room (although sometimes we can get away with just sneaking him in but another couple years and we prob won't get away with that so it's double. We had to buy a 7 seater because of the blooming massive car seats and wanting everyone to be comfortable on long journeys as they get older. So there are financial mplications and friends who have just one baby at the moment don't always understand that a trip out where their just paying for two adults and a one year old costs us waaaay more but I'm not trying to be negative just honest. At the end of the day if you have a third they will be your baby and you will cherish and love them just as much as the first. In my experience the difficulties and stresses are worth it and somehow you muddle through and just make it work adapting to your new situation.

SmallGoddess · 15/04/2023 08:08

Not exactly regret but my life would be very different without number 3 who has autism and serious mental health problems. I fear that he will be a burden on his siblings when I am gone. 😥

Mendholeai · 15/04/2023 08:10

Number three is a blessing. Good tempered, kind, thoughtful, lovable, clever, sporty. No regrets here.

What’s right for me might not be right for you though.

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