To be gutted horrible aunt inherits grandad's money

[Peachypear10]

My uncle tragically died unexpectedly. No will, so everything goes to his wife of 6 years. I got on with him well, and while we weren't super close, we were regularly in touch. Unfortunately his wife is an unashamedly nasty piece of work. Was convinced she was with him for his money. Not sure why they were together but hey ho.

Anyway, I don't care that I didn't inherit from my uncle. What bothers me is that my uncle (as well as me and my mum) each inherited £200k last year after my granddad died. My uncle was quite wealthy so his inherited money was just sitting in a savings account.

My grandad was the nicest, kindest man, had time for everyone. We loved him to bits and miss him loads. But uncle's wife barely ever said a word to my grandad, and looked down on him because he was 'simple and common' in her words. At his funeral she made totally inappropriate, 'jokey' mocking remarks about his clothes and home (ie. mocking a 95yo man with dementia). I'm just gutted she's now inherited my grandad's money when she's so nasty, it's so unfair. She's mentioned to another relative that she's going to spend this specific money on renovating the second holiday home she owns, and she's going to buy a new horse and a horsebox. I just can't believe this is happening, it's just so unfair. Aibu to be upset and any advice to make peace with this?

Rule no 1 on life "Lifes not fair" as DM would say! Look she sounds like a nasty little Gold Digger ,however what she spends this money on is up to her.As PP said its no longer your GDP money ,it passed to your Uncle and then his wife .Your Uncle passed therefore wife to do as she thinks fit Im afraid!

Maybe your mum thinks it’s unfair you inherited £200k from her dad?

You make this horrible claim based on what the OP has told you when the OP is clearly annoyed that this woman (who has lost her husband btw) has some of 'her' money? There is one person here going after money and it is not the woman who has lost her husband recently.

You've already inherited £200k and your DM will doubtless leave you more when her time comes if she can. Instead of whingeing, focus on how bloody lucky you've been.

Ok, so this is just all really about you not liking someone and jealously they have inherited from the death of their husband.

You judge her for criticising your granddad, but you are criticising your uncles, who you say you were not close to, marriage when you know nothing about why they were together and it is none of your business.

You obviously don't get on with her, for whatever reason, and are really reaching to try to find something to be upset about. Make peace with it by realising you are being very unreasonable to be upset about it in the first place.

What do you think should happen? What do you want to happen? Because neither of those eventualities will.

best thing is get yourself some therapy if this is keeping you up at night so you can deal with your emotions.

200K is probably above the average inheritance people get left in the UK. Not a small amount.

Your aunt must have made your uncle happy or else he wouldn't have been with her, so I wouldn't feel put out about it, there is really no point as there is nothing you can do about it.

If your Uncle had taken that 200k and spent it on fast cars, booze and gambling or cruises, you'd be in exactly the same place you are now.

You inherited £200K from your grandfather. Be grateful that you got anything - he could have left it all to your uncle and mother! Your uncle owed you nothing.

She inherited from her husband, which is the way it usually works. However nasty she is, she’s lost her husband, and presumably needs to manage her assets (house maintenance etc) in planning for her own retirement. She hasn’t cheated you or your mum out of a share of your grandfather’s money.

If your uncle had had children of his own and they were left nothing it would be a different story, but the onus would have been on him to make a will.

It's the principle of this woman going on a spending spree with my grandad's cash (which all came from the sale of a house he built himself as a builder), knowing she has proper lucked out, and that hurts.

There is no "principle", the money is legitimately hers and she can spend it on whatever she likes - it has NOTHING to do with you OP. For all your complaining about this woman I for one don't think you sound much better with your judgy posts. Anyone who gets an inheritance has "proper lucked out" - it's not a right for anyone to get one.

The nasty cow would have it whether op's uncle was dead or alive 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's the principle of this woman going on a spending spree with my grandad's cash (which all came from the sale of a house he built himself as a builder), knowing she has proper lucked out, and that hurts.

"Proper lucked out"?? Her husband has died "tragically and unexpectedly". She has not lucked out.

New wife? wife of 6 years is a new wife? At what point do you just become ‘wife’.

Yes, she is a new wife, not somebody who new the granddad for any length of time. Why are you desperate to make excuses for this woman- seriously?

New wife makes inappropriate jokes about elderly dementia patient who she clearly dislikes and yet 'we don't know if the whole family was offended'.

But yet you're completely fine with digging your heels into OP

Do you relate to the wife, because I don't see why you'd defend her. Even if you think OP should just move on and forget about the money.

People on Mn never understand it's not about the money, per se, in terms of you benefiting from it. It's about someone who was actively unpleasant/manipulative benefiting from a much loved relative's hard work. And the idea that your grandad would have been upset had he known.

I really suggest that you get a couple of sessions of therapy to work through your feelings. The thing is that people often can't get past you having already got £200k enough to validate your emotions and understand what's really going on for you.

In understand how you feel but getting stuck in resentment and hurt will only harm you and not the horrid aunt and your grandad would hate to know you were so upset.

It’s always about money.

It's totally about the money.

Bearing in mind i was referring to the funeral @Effieswig which was before the uncle died, probably a few years ago. New wife making inappropriate jokes at FIL's expense a funeral. She doesn't seem like a nice person. Of course OP is annoyed. Legally, the wife is entitled to it. We don't always agree with actions that are legal though, it still seems unfair.

Less deserving because the aunt by marriage mocked the grandfather, his clothes, and his being 'common' and will now benefit nicely from his savings, via the deceased uncle?

Legal, yes. But it would rankle with me too, even though I accept that's the way it is.

But the uncle who actually inherited was perfectly happy for his wife to use the money during their marriage, and presumably inherit his estate when he passed, despite any nastiness observed by op.
What op thinks is completely irrelevant.
It's not actually unfair at all that a man in full possession of his faculties leaves every to his wife.

I didn’t say it was unfair. It’s completely legal.
but yes, it would rankle with me. Logical? Perhaps not but that is how the OP feels.

Just because OP doesn't like her uncle's wife, doesn't mean everyone else doesn't either. OP sees a side of her she doesn't like but people are multi faceted. And anyway, this has nothing to do with the legal situation being that she inherits from her husband. Maybe she would far rather be spending the same sum of money WITH her husband, which is what would have likely happened if he hadn't died unexpectedly.

It's fine to dislike her but illogical to resent her having the money unless OP had hopes of getting some of it herself.

Wills don't always help matters either. A member of our extended family died last year, leaving a substantial proportion of his estate to his children, and his wife (not their mother) is furious about it.

You had your share of your grandfather's money, so it is not really your business what happened to the rest of it. Inheritance is a bit of unearned luck which is as likely to happen to nasty people as to nice ones.

Yes, she is a new wife, not somebody who new the granddad for any length of time. Why are you desperate to make excuses for this woman- seriously?

I don’t understand what’s happening here. Are you the op? Do you know her? Why are you attacking posters and posting like you know the woman and fully agree with the op on her views on her ?

You name changed, checked your posting history. Is that the idea of me being op came to mind? Thought so.

No, I'm just not a dick and know how it feels to have a dead family member being mocked. Is thinking that is wrong aggressive, give me a break😂

"Previous poster" makes ridiculous assumptions defending somebody's bad actions and you come out of nowhere defending them... yep. As I thought @Isiteveningyet. Embarrassing NC fail.