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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gutted horrible aunt inherits grandad's money

134 replies

Peachypear10 · 13/04/2023 22:21

My uncle tragically died unexpectedly. No will, so everything goes to his wife of 6 years. I got on with him well, and while we weren't super close, we were regularly in touch. Unfortunately his wife is an unashamedly nasty piece of work. Was convinced she was with him for his money. Not sure why they were together but hey ho.

Anyway, I don't care that I didn't inherit from my uncle. What bothers me is that my uncle (as well as me and my mum) each inherited £200k last year after my granddad died. My uncle was quite wealthy so his inherited money was just sitting in a savings account.

My grandad was the nicest, kindest man, had time for everyone. We loved him to bits and miss him loads. But uncle's wife barely ever said a word to my grandad, and looked down on him because he was 'simple and common' in her words. At his funeral she made totally inappropriate, 'jokey' mocking remarks about his clothes and home (ie. mocking a 95yo man with dementia). I'm just gutted she's now inherited my grandad's money when she's so nasty, it's so unfair. She's mentioned to another relative that she's going to spend this specific money on renovating the second holiday home she owns, and she's going to buy a new horse and a horsebox. I just can't believe this is happening, it's just so unfair. Aibu to be upset and any advice to make peace with this?

OP posts:
Cocochai · 14/04/2023 09:16

Soontobe60 · 14/04/2023 09:03

Why is she ‘morally bankrupt’?

Show quote history

@Soontobe60 She is morally bankrupt because of what the OP said:

My grandad was the nicest, kindest man, had time for everyone. We loved him to bits and miss him loads. But uncle's wife barely ever said a word to my grandad, and looked down on him because he was 'simple and common' in her words. At his funeral she made totally inappropriate, 'jokey' mocking remarks about his clothes and home (ie. mocking a 95yo man with dementia).

Noicant · 14/04/2023 09:16

DH and I were married for a while before DD came along, DH would have got everything I have and I would have been happy with that (with the exception of some jewellery which would have gone to my nieces).

YANBU to dislike her, she sounds unpleasant but she inherited her husbands money not your grandads.

Soontobe60 · 14/04/2023 09:18

Peachypear10 · 14/04/2023 08:44

This exactly. That money has been life changing for me I'm very grateful. And therefore I don't need any money from my uncle. I only mentioned that I'm not interested in his money because I knew predictably that mumsnet vultures would be in telling me im just annoyed my uncle left me nothing and I"m desperate for the money blah blah blah.

It's the principle of this woman going on a spending spree with my grandad's cash (which all came from the sale of a house he built himself as a builder), knowing she has proper lucked out, and that hurts.

Show quote history

What did you expect her to do with it? What have you done with your inheritance, left it untouched under the mattress?

Most people, when they inherit large sums of money, will go on a bit of a spending spree. Whether it’s paying off the mortgage, a holiday of a lifetime, new car or a shopping spree in Selfridges, some of it gets spent in ways the beneficiary wouldn’t have been able to spend it.

Laladybird · 14/04/2023 09:23

YANBU

I totally get how you feel. Two family deaths back to back. Some outsider cashing in on your lost loved ones.

But in the scheme of life's unfairnesses it's not the worst.

Soontobe60 · 14/04/2023 09:24

Cocochai · 14/04/2023 09:16

@Soontobe60 She is morally bankrupt because of what the OP said:

My grandad was the nicest, kindest man, had time for everyone. We loved him to bits and miss him loads. But uncle's wife barely ever said a word to my grandad, and looked down on him because he was 'simple and common' in her words. At his funeral she made totally inappropriate, 'jokey' mocking remarks about his clothes and home (ie. mocking a 95yo man with dementia).

Show quote history

That doesn’t make her morally bankrupt. At my dads funeral, we all had a joke about him. He was a quirky character but everybody loved him. Similar with my mum. In fact, both my parents would have laughed along with the jokes had they been there!
The OP said her and her uncle weren’t close but she kept in touch. So presumably she didn’t see how often her uncle and his wife met up with the grandfather.
Complaining that someone has got what they’re legally entitled to and is enjoying spending it sounds like bitterness and jealousy to me.

Soontobe60 · 14/04/2023 09:26

Laladybird · 14/04/2023 09:23

YANBU

I totally get how you feel. Two family deaths back to back. Some outsider cashing in on your lost loved ones.

But in the scheme of life's unfairnesses it's not the worst.

Do you think that someone who has been married 6 years is an ‘outsider’? How is she ‘cashing in’? The uncle failed to make a will, so by the rules of intestacy all his estate goes to his wife. They could have been married for 24 hours and the same thing would have happened.

Brilop · 14/04/2023 09:26

I understand that you are bereaved but honestly, enjoy your 200k, buy yourself something to remember your grandad by and don't give it any more head space.

GetYourActTogether1 · 14/04/2023 09:27

OP you do sound grabby, enjoy your 200k.

Effieswig · 14/04/2023 09:29

Laladybird · 14/04/2023 09:23

YANBU

I totally get how you feel. Two family deaths back to back. Some outsider cashing in on your lost loved ones.

But in the scheme of life's unfairnesses it's not the worst.

Who is the outsider?

His wife? You really believe that a wife is an outsider in a family?

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/04/2023 09:32

But it's not your grandads cash, it stopped being his cash the moment your uncle inherited it. Your uncle chose to leave it to his wife, who he presumably loved.

You sound very bitter about something that's none of your business.

viques · 14/04/2023 09:35

Unfair? For something to be unfair someone or something has to have missed out on something they could have expected to happen or to receive.

So just to make it abundantly clear OP, exactly who or what do you think should have received Grandads money.

The Cats home? Children in Need? Or was Grandads Will seen as a reasonable division of his assets by sharing his money fairly and equitably among his relatives?

Unless you are disputing Grandads will then presumably you were quite happy for Uncle to be a beneficiary, it’s unfortunate for your Uncle that he didn’t lived long enough to enjoy his inheritance. What a shame you aren’t seeing that as the unfair element in this story.

SVRT19674 · 14/04/2023 09:37

She´s living rent free in your head. You never have to see the woman again and can secretly hope that she has to spend it all on medication instead. Good luck with the rest of your life, free from her.

Jagoda · 14/04/2023 09:42

I think your anger would be more correctly directed at your “lovely” uncle who married this awful woman and stood by whilst she maligned your grandfather.

If he didn’t want her to spend the money on whatever she wanted, he would have made a will.

As PP have said, be thankful you don’t have to have any future contact with her, or knowledge of what she spends her money on.

Hbh17 · 14/04/2023 09:43

She was his wife. She is entitled to the full amount in her husband's estate. What she does with the money and whether you like her are both completely irrelevant.

Ktime · 14/04/2023 09:45

As a pp said, she inherited from her husband as is her right.

However, if she is a nasty piece of work, take comfort that it’s unlikely the money will being her any true happiness.

Skybluepinky · 14/04/2023 09:45

His money, his choice!

SquidwardsBigBIowhoIe · 14/04/2023 09:54

That doesn’t make her morally bankrupt. At my dads funeral, we all had a joke about him. He was a quirky character but everybody loved him.

@Soontobe60

But your situation is not remotely comparable to a new wife, making in appropriate jokes about her mentally impaired FIL, which made his family uncomfortable. Not the same as making jokes about the nature of a much loved father.

This woman is morally bankrupt, I'm afraid, there's no dancing around it.

SquidwardsBigBIowhoIe · 14/04/2023 09:55

And you think OP is 'bitter and jealous' for not wanting such a nasty woman to inherit money from her family? Come on, now.

Effieswig · 14/04/2023 10:01

SquidwardsBigBIowhoIe · 14/04/2023 09:54

That doesn’t make her morally bankrupt. At my dads funeral, we all had a joke about him. He was a quirky character but everybody loved him.

@Soontobe60

But your situation is not remotely comparable to a new wife, making in appropriate jokes about her mentally impaired FIL, which made his family uncomfortable. Not the same as making jokes about the nature of a much loved father.

This woman is morally bankrupt, I'm afraid, there's no dancing around it.

New wife? wife of 6 years is a new wife? At what point do you just become ‘wife’.

We don’t know the whole family we’re uncomfortable. We know Op was. Doesn’t mean her husband or any other relative was.

Since Op already doesn’t like her, it’s just as possible that if someone else made the joke, it wouldn’t have upset the Op. Op (rightly or wrongly) is clearly biased.

spidersenses · 14/04/2023 10:04

I know it must be really hard to see someone who didn't love and respect your granddad benefit from what he worked for and saved his entire life it must be hard to move past it. I know you know you have no choice though. No one knows what your uncle wanted as he didn't have the foresight to leave a will. Perhaps he did want his wife to have it all. There's nothing you can do but try to come to peace with it all and potentially cut this woman off as it's going to be upsetting for you 💕

Sugargliderwombat · 14/04/2023 10:08

Ahh this is so sad. Try to remember that money doesn't really mean anything, you can't take it with you and I'm sure you'd give it all away to have your grandad back. Money doesn't really matter in the end and people like her are NOT happy people. They make comments about other people to try and make themselves feel better. This money won't make her happy either.

cathyandclare · 14/04/2023 10:15

She may have inherited some money but she really hasn’t ‘lucked’ out if her partner died suddenly and unexpectedly.

Flowerly · 14/04/2023 10:18

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/04/2023 09:32

But it's not your grandads cash, it stopped being his cash the moment your uncle inherited it. Your uncle chose to leave it to his wife, who he presumably loved.

You sound very bitter about something that's none of your business.

This. Oh and you got your £200k so pipe down OP. Really.

diddl · 14/04/2023 10:20

SquidwardsBigBIowhoIe · 14/04/2023 09:55

And you think OP is 'bitter and jealous' for not wanting such a nasty woman to inherit money from her family? Come on, now.

I wonder who Op does think should have inherited it instead?

Her uncle obviously wanted his wife to inherit!

ChickenDhansak82 · 14/04/2023 10:21

YABU.
It was up to your uncle to leave HIS money to whoever he wanted.