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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gutted horrible aunt inherits grandad's money

134 replies

Peachypear10 · 13/04/2023 22:21

My uncle tragically died unexpectedly. No will, so everything goes to his wife of 6 years. I got on with him well, and while we weren't super close, we were regularly in touch. Unfortunately his wife is an unashamedly nasty piece of work. Was convinced she was with him for his money. Not sure why they were together but hey ho.

Anyway, I don't care that I didn't inherit from my uncle. What bothers me is that my uncle (as well as me and my mum) each inherited £200k last year after my granddad died. My uncle was quite wealthy so his inherited money was just sitting in a savings account.

My grandad was the nicest, kindest man, had time for everyone. We loved him to bits and miss him loads. But uncle's wife barely ever said a word to my grandad, and looked down on him because he was 'simple and common' in her words. At his funeral she made totally inappropriate, 'jokey' mocking remarks about his clothes and home (ie. mocking a 95yo man with dementia). I'm just gutted she's now inherited my grandad's money when she's so nasty, it's so unfair. She's mentioned to another relative that she's going to spend this specific money on renovating the second holiday home she owns, and she's going to buy a new horse and a horsebox. I just can't believe this is happening, it's just so unfair. Aibu to be upset and any advice to make peace with this?

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 14/04/2023 06:45

One more thing to add , if your grandfather died and did not have a will, it would’ve just been divided between his kids, which means you wouldn’t have got anything at all . He was so thoughtful to include you.

Againstmachine · 14/04/2023 06:51

You have had 200k and now it seems you want more money that you aren't entitled to, it's not that you dislike her you want the money be honest.

Inheritances bring out worst in people.

ZeroPlastic · 14/04/2023 06:52

Of course his wife inherits. That’s completely normal and, even if he’s had a will, he’d almost certainly have left his money to his wife and not his niece, especially as you weren’t close. Not sure what the issue is. Whether you like her is irrelevant- he presumably liked her given that he married her.

I’m sorry for your loss but I think you’re being unreasonable to be bothered by this.

Effieswig · 14/04/2023 06:55

You need to reframe this.

Your mother and uncles inheritance was reduced, so you could be included. Did anyone moan about that? I suspect not.

The money was not your grandads. It was your uncles. It was your uncles as soon as he took possession of it. As his wife, it as also hers.

she has no obligation to spend her money, on things you find acceptable. It’s her money.

Think about all the things you are able to do because your grandfather included you in his will. Instead of focussing on how you feel morally obliged to more.

If she gave you that money, it wouldn’t undo what she said at the funeral. That would still be painful for you, wouldn’t it? Or would you then feel better about her saying it, if you financially gained from her? If that’s the case, you may need to look at yourself and think about why you feel her paying you would make what she said less awful.

MattTebbuttsDenimShirt · 14/04/2023 06:56

You just can't overthink these things. Some things you have to let go.

My Stepdad died recently. Bought me and brother up from ages of 4 and 6. Was Granddad to our kids. He and Mum got divorced when I was about 30. But he was still our Dad.

Didn't leave a will. An estate worth about 1mil straight to his wife of a couple of years.

We're not even recognised legally.

Sod it.

Backinntheroom · 14/04/2023 07:03

Delphinium20 · 13/04/2023 23:20

I'm in complete agreement with you. It's not even the money, it's the principle of it. A short marriage with no children seems like an odd reason to inherit family money when the recipient showed such disdain to the benefactor.

Oh please! The op had inherited 200k from grandfather and clearly is pissed off that the £200k her uncle also inherited, has gone to the woman her uncle (who the op "wasn't super close to" (her words)) married
Even if the uncle had been married to the woman for 5 minutes, he could leave it to her
Presumably you have decided which members of your family are 'entitled' to inheritences according to length of marriage and other parameters?

Florissante · 14/04/2023 07:15

YABVVU. Be glad for the £200,000 you inherited recently.

KimberleyClark · 14/04/2023 07:21

You got your share of your grandad’s money. Your uncle left his share to his wife. What were you expecting him to do with it?

Aslanplustwo · 14/04/2023 07:27

Another one chipping in to say that the money she inherited was her husband's, not your grandfather's. That's just the way it is - and even if your uncle had made a will the money would probably still have gone to her. She can do whatever she wants with the money, it's not up to you to judge. You have to make peace with this, there is no other choice.

silverlentils · 14/04/2023 07:29

Delphinium20 · 13/04/2023 23:20

I'm in complete agreement with you. It's not even the money, it's the principle of it. A short marriage with no children seems like an odd reason to inherit family money when the recipient showed such disdain to the benefactor.

Exactly this

What is legal is not always just. It's painful and I think you just have to regard it that your grandad left his money as he wished and your uncle left his as he wished - not getting around to making a will also expresses a wish not to deal with anything.

This is a good lesson in why everyone should make a will.

I would focus on your family from the point they go forward from you and you never have to talk to this woman again.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/04/2023 07:31

WTAF ate some of these posts?! Taking OP’s word that aunt is some undeserving nasty woman & calling her names and then actually saying she shouldn’t get money because she doesn’t have children - WTF. Are we in the 19th century? Are women who bear children only worth something

SoShallINever · 14/04/2023 07:37

Speaking as someone who's grandmother left over 1.5million to her other 4 grandchildren and nothing to my sibling and I (because we grew up with an Irish mother and grandmother a racist bitch), I would say, just walk away and don't look back.

Cocochai · 14/04/2023 07:42

EllandRd · 14/04/2023 03:11

Has your father not got a mind if his own?

Show quote history

No, he hasn’t anymore. After 35 years of being with his DW he is a shadow of the confident, forthright person he used to be. His DW started to subtly sow the seeds of hate against his own DM, and five siblings and nieces/nephews/cousins too and now he has cut them all off too. She pressured him to move nearer her family (who are all actually lovely people), he has no contact with any of his own large family anymore, and he’s in his 80’s and she’s his gatekeeper.

It’s sad but I will never forgive his DW for what she has done, and as I say, yet another spineless man cutting his family off to suit the second wife and her motives. You see it on here frequently with a man not bothering with the DC when he’s met someone new. I wish I believed in karma but I don’t anymore.

Knullrufs · 14/04/2023 07:44

Money/inheritance has no morality automatically attached to it. The concept of ‘deserving’ inheritance is a weird one, and one that should be challenged.

Original poster
Peachypear10 · 14/04/2023 08:44

SpudsandGravy · 13/04/2023 23:39

Well you say you don't care that you didn't inherit from your uncle, but it sounds as though you do. TBH, can't you just focus on and be grateful for the fact that you were lucky enough to inherit £200k last year? Most of us will never be anything like that lucky.

This exactly. That money has been life changing for me I'm very grateful. And therefore I don't need any money from my uncle. I only mentioned that I'm not interested in his money because I knew predictably that mumsnet vultures would be in telling me im just annoyed my uncle left me nothing and I"m desperate for the money blah blah blah.

It's the principle of this woman going on a spending spree with my grandad's cash (which all came from the sale of a house he built himself as a builder), knowing she has proper lucked out, and that hurts.

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 14/04/2023 08:53

Changed my vote as at first I didn't notice you had also inherited from your grandad already.

You got the same money you would have gotten if your aunt was lovely.

Your uncle married her and left HIS money to her. As others have said you don't have to have anything to do with her now so be glad.

Effieswig · 14/04/2023 08:57

Peachypear10 · 14/04/2023 08:44

This exactly. That money has been life changing for me I'm very grateful. And therefore I don't need any money from my uncle. I only mentioned that I'm not interested in his money because I knew predictably that mumsnet vultures would be in telling me im just annoyed my uncle left me nothing and I"m desperate for the money blah blah blah.

It's the principle of this woman going on a spending spree with my grandad's cash (which all came from the sale of a house he built himself as a builder), knowing she has proper lucked out, and that hurts.

Show quote history

Why does her having ‘lucked out’ bother you?

You clearly do think someone else is more deserving of the money. She, according to you, doesn’t deserve by your own made up rules. So who do you think actually is deserving.

It’s not your grandads money. It was your uncles and his wife’s money. Now it’s her money.

House renovations isn’t a ‘spending spree’. And even if it was, why do you have an opinion on what she spends her own money on? What would you prefer she did with the money? What would be acceptable to you?

LIZS · 14/04/2023 08:59

And if your uncle had lived longer and spent it all on their second home, would it still matter to you?

drpet49 · 14/04/2023 09:00

HeyJudeNanananana · 13/04/2023 23:14

OP I can understand why you are upset. She sounds a nasty piece of work. I think you just need to block her on social media etc and forget about her. It's the best way to move on.

I'm sorry for your loss

This OP

Jonei · 14/04/2023 09:01

The money has gone to your uncles wife. They were married. So quite rightly so. You don't need to stay in touch with her if you hate her that much, do you.

Isiteveningyet · 14/04/2023 09:02

Um how judgey are you. It was her husbands money, and he chose to leave it to her. Who do you think you are that you think you know better?

Soontobe60 · 14/04/2023 09:03

Cocochai · 13/04/2023 23:01

Legally she’s entitled to inherit it even if she is morally bankrupt. Few people seem to be happy with the way inheritance is given out but that’s life.

My DF’s wife told me twenty years ago “you do know all you’re getting is X in our Will.” She told me when my DF was out of the house and ‘X’ is pretty much nothing, which means she will end up with almost everything and a very wealthy woman (she is much, much younger than DF so he’s more likely to pass away before her). A few years later she brainwashed him to cut me out of his life. They make a great pair - yet another spineless man kowtowing to his DW and cutting out his DC for his life. You couldn’t make it up.

Why is she ‘morally bankrupt’?

SnarkyBag · 14/04/2023 09:08

Let it go, if you uncle was such a great guy why would he stay with a woman who was so awful to his father?

Grow up, sometimes it’s just the way it goes. DH’s inheritance would have amounted to about £500k but it went on care home costs when his dad got dementia at 60 🤷‍♀️ life’s unfair we’d have rather seen FIL blow it all on cruises and have a long and happy retirement.

Holding on to this bitterness affects only you not her so she wins twice. There’s a saying “holding on to anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies”

Soontobe60 · 14/04/2023 09:08

Tilllly · 13/04/2023 23:23

Exactly this ^

I'm sorry for your loss OP

Show quote history

But it’s not the widow’s fault that the uncle didn’t make a will. Unless he was a complete idiot, he must have known that his money would have gone directly or her as he didn’t have a will.
Maybe the uncle consciously made this decision because he didn’t want his grabby niece getting her hands on any of his money?

Soontobe60 · 14/04/2023 09:11

Violetcrush · 14/04/2023 03:05

My ex SIL waited until my lovely Grandad’s inheritance came through and then left DB days later and took a great chunk of it… didn’t blink. Awful money grabbing woman. I can forgive her for leaving DB, but not for Grandad’s money.

Maybe she had lived in a miserable marriage and this was her only way to escape. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors in a relationship.