What would you do in this situation?
DD (2) is a lively, chatty and happy little girl. After I picked her up from nursery today she told me that another little girl had hit her on the hand with a toy and that she had told the little girl that she was going to tell me about what she had done. She then said a member of staff had told her not to tell me.
So - a nursery worker told my child not to tell
me about an upset at nursery. I am not concerned about the ‘incident’ - neither child was injured, kids snatch and bash, it’s what they do and it’s our job to help them develop into kind and thoughtful adults. My concern is that my DD was told not to tell me about it. I think in any context this is not the right thing to be saying to a child, whether you think the incident was minor or otherwise.
I raising my DD to know that she is to come to me and tell me if anything has upset her. If someone has hurt her etc. I have my own history of childhood trauma so it is very important to me that my child knows that she can come to me, always. I was told not to tell about what was happening to me as a child and I didn’t and things got very bad for me.
I have spoken to nursery who seem more concerned about my child’s behaviour towards the other girl than about my concerns that they have told a child not tell their mother something that upset them. They said my child put their finger in the other girls face and was unkind and made the other girl cry. I said I didn’t condone that but that was not my main issue.
The manager said they want to talk to my child about how to be kind at nursery and I have said I am fine with this but I also want to be present to reiterate that she can come to me and tell me anything. I now feel this is too much and what actually should have happened is at the time of the ‘incident’ the staff should have said what she did was not right but that she could talk to me about it, of course. The manager described my child as wilful and that if she was male she probably wouldn’t have responded with such upset - to which I said that I know my child is ebullient and I don’t want her to be inappropriate with other kids but also I do feel that as soon girls are told too young that they need to ‘be kind’ and effectively smile and suck it up.
AIBU? What would you do now in my shoes? I feel very upset about it but also relieved that my little one was able to tell
me about it.