To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

Goodness, there ate some real superwomen on this thread. Work full time but always have spotless homes, cook from scratch, take the children to their activities, help with homework effectively, help the neighbours out with their children etc. I bet they have perfect relationships too. And they still find the time to come on MN and make other women feel small because they don't do it all. Well done!

@Whataretheyfeedingyou

No one can make anyone else feel small.

But I agree that some hw/sahm are doing their best to try to make out its impossible to be a good mum if you work.

If you read the posts you will see that both parents share CC, chores and homework as well as WOH.
No need to feel small as that's not what's been said at all.
However there are many SP who do have to do it all
Hats off to them!

Yup

They should stop pretending it’s everyone’s choice. It’s rather common to have to work to put a roof over you and your children’s heads. I met a bunch of vacuous women who made negative comments to me when they discovered I had an actual job. They said it’s ‘easier not to work’. Um yes, of course it is, but trickier to pay the bills. duh.

Where I live, getting into schools is very competitive. A huge reason why a lot of women SAH is educational support, as well as being available to get them to and from various clubs etc. Being there consistently for school pick ups and throughout school holidays with no juggling. In fact, it's the main reason women I know SAH. I think there is a lot of misunderstanding on here that it's about housework, but that's actually nothing to do with it. It's more about not having to rely on anyone else, outside of the family and having more energy, as a mum, to be across everything else. I'm not saying mums who work don't help with homework by the way, before people chime in with the obvious. It totally depends on working hours and pattens and the type of person you are. Not to mention how many kids you have. I'm just explaining the main motivation for a lot of SAHMs who I know - busy families, multiple children, busy lives, high pressure school systems and expectations. You decide that time / energy / focus is more valuable than the extra money. I realise that is a privilege, but that is the situation families with SAHMs are often in and why they organise themselves as they do. There is a point in which time becomes more of a marginal benefit than the marginal benefit of an extra salary (especially where there is a huge discrepancy in earnings).

@echoo

The thread isn't about sahms.

It's about housewives

"You decide that time / energy / focus is more valuable than the extra money."

More sexism

Sahm and housewife and I love it.

It isn't always easy but it's also just being an adult. It's ridiculous to think that it's impossible to do without a housewife or SAHM.

It might be harder but many, many people do it.

So you are saying a housewife is someone who doesn't have children? Is that your distinction?

The OP was joking she had cleaned out some cupboards and whatever and wouldn't it be nice to be a housewife. But she wouldn't be, because she has children. If she was at home, she wouldn't be doing things like cleaning out cupboards for years in end. It doesn't go like that.

The op stated she wouldn't want to be a housewife if she had to care for small children

So yeah I think a hw is a woman with no caring responsibility

Why does it always come back to money like it's the only reason for working? I don't work because I need to financially, I work because of the many other benefits working provides.

I also refuse to contribute to inequality.

But that's your choice SouthLondonMum22. Good for you. Surely you can understand that all women and families are different though?

I did it and it was easy. No rushing anywhere. I did private accounts from home to keep my brain ticking over which I earned good money from.

I understand that we live in a sexist society and it's ingrained from birth.

If families were so different, it wouldn't just be women who stay at home the majority of the time because 'it makes sense'.

@echoo

But surely you recognise that deciding not to work to support the demands of your children’s schooling is an unusually privileged position.

You acknowledge this is your post but you seem to be suggesting that this is one of the most significant drivers for women choosing not to work. I seriously doubt this is the case for most women who remain at home, whether SAHMs or full fat “housewives”.

So you weren't a full blown housewife if you did work from home. That's kinda the ideal!

So you were working from home and earning well. You were a working parent.

I work from home the majority of the time. I'm a working parent, most definitely not a housewife. 😂

Thepeopleversuswork - I am commenting on what I have direct experience of over the last 20 years. I'm not particularly talking about myself. I'm talking about a lot of mums I know or have known over the years. With 4 kids you get to know a lot of mums through all the various schools and friends / neighbours and I also live in an area where being a SAHM is probably more common than not.

I have acknowledged previously that there will be other reasons why women SAH - housewife or SAHM.

I acknowledge the impact of structural sexism, but I dispute that this is the only factor at play for all SAHMs. Some women have more choices than others, sure - but it is possible, in 2023, to decide to be a SAHM as a positive, self-driven choice that you own and with your eyes wide open to everything. I have had 20 years to reflect on this and I know it to be the case.

I think it's fairly common for women to take the preschool years out and that kind of thing. But women who are long term / indefinite SAHMs are probably in a certain demographic and that's what I'm talking about really. I'm not saying it's massively common, but it's a demographic nevertheless.

Women who are housewives with no children would be a much smaller demographic again. Personally, I only know a few women like that and it's because they have gone to live in places like Dubai or India with the DH work. It's a lifestyle choice they have made - they are very educated women. Some of them could not have children and wanted a change, having been practising law for years or something like that.

Also, I think it would be very easy, as an outsider, the look at a couple with no children and make all kinds of baseless speculations about why the wife appears to be a 'housewife' - "what can she be doing blah blah." But you never know what's going on.

@echoo The SAHMs I know also fit this description. Very privileged, for sure (as I am). We’ve all had well paid, professional careers before having kids. I also know quite a few women who continued working through the preschool/infant years and then stopped when kids were Y3ish, presumably to facilitate clubs and maybe different schools and so on. And yes of course working parents can also facilitate clubs and different schools but as you said it depends a lot on what hours you work, what family support you have, etc.

Someone upthread said the majority of SAHMs do it because they wouldn’t earn enough to cover childcare fees, and that may well be true on a population level (though would surely only apply to the early years). But all the SAHMs
of school aged kids I know are basically pretty well off.

I don't even understand anymore why it does 'make sense'. From recent posts I've now learned that the HWs on the thread and their circle are actually very highly educated women with steller pre children careers (Yet also earning so little their salary would be of marginal benefit..?) Meanwhile, their husbands are unable to progress their own careers without the full time support of another adult, suggesting they are the less capable and resourseful of the two, so may be better suited to the more relaxed domestic role.

James Bond can stunt drive an Aston Martin at 100mph, flawlessly operate Q's explosive devices with no training and seduce Monica Bellucci at her husband's funeral, but a washing machine or backstitch will defeat him entirely.

I'm surprised none of his enemies have clocked it yet. Next time, baddies, hide the escape door behind a pile of clean laundry and have a time bomb ticking down, exploding unless he can sort the clothes in 60 minutes. That's the kind of death trap he'll never outwit.

That's because it doesn't actually 'make sense'. It all comes down to sexism.

Which is why it can never be a positive choice. Not until both parents are making the choice in more equal numbers anyway. I doubt that will ever happen.

😂

@5128gap

From recent posts I've now learned that the HWs on the thread and their circle are actually very highly educated women with steller pre children careers (Yet also earning so little their salary would be of marginal benefit..?) Meanwhile, their husbands are unable to progress their own careers without the full time support of another adult, suggesting they are the less capable and resourseful of the two, so may be better suited to the more relaxed domestic role.

Agree with this. I don’t have any problem with individual women choosing to downgrade their careers to care for small children. I can totally empathise with the fact that it’s probably easier in many ways and if you have the means to do this I would never judge you for making your life a bit easier and supporting your children.

But as a single mother who had had to work straight through my daughters childhood and who has managed to build a good and well paid career without any of the advantages these men have had I can’t help feeling a bit contemptuous that they seemingly can’t manage their careers without a woman at home doing everything to “facilitate” as it’s described.

And it doesn’t stop me feeling depressed at the sheer inevitability of the fact it is nearly always the woman who does this “facilitating”. Particularly as many of these women by their own admission had great careers before children. And feeling frustrated that so many women seem to be in denial about the structural sexism which makes this an inevitability.