To think being a housewife might be nice ?

[Felixss]

I'm on leave I've managed to get the housework done the deep cleaning , decluttered, sorted my clothes and 3 tip runs. I've washed the covers on the sofa and got through a mountain of laundry. Food shop delivered, put away and ordered DDs new shoes. I'm going to sand down and paint DDs chest of drawers. To top it off I've cooked a lovely healthy meal for the family.
I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all. I do have a cleaner but they don't do the nitty gritty really.

AIBU to think being a house wife actually might be nice ? Less pressure and you can complete all the home stuff at your leisure. 🤣 I wouldn't do this as I've worked so hard to get where I am but I can see why it might be tempting.

I feel really pleased I've managed to do all the jobs I've been meaning to do. I'm always snowed under stressed from work and end up not doing it all.

Of course you do, because your DH "doesn't notice" housework.

When HE has a day off, does he spend all of it running around tidying up after the family?

I suspect the ones who enjoy it have a lot of money. Would people feel the same if they were scraping by with one wage and benefit top ups? Probably not because you wouldn't be able to afford to do anything.

@Itsnotpacific

Men are the reason women have to give up work.
Women have moved forward, so many men stuck in the " but I go to work" mentality.
Depressing.

This. I have no problem at all with women choosing to downgrade their careers while they look after small children, or for any reason really, as long as they are fulfilled and happy and have some financial autonomy to fall back on.

What I do have a big problem with is the assumption that the woman needs to arrange her life (and the care of her children) to facilitate the man's career and that any self fulfilment she wants has to play second fiddle to this.

This is why I find the term "housewife" disagreeable. It suggests a married woman whose sole function is to care for the "house" (which is really shorthand for house, man and children).

There's a bit of a categorisation error at work in a lot of these posts. Plenty of people always point out on these threads that not being in paid work doesn't mean you're not fulfilled or useful and they're right, of course they're right. I think if you're wealthy and choose to devote your time to volunteering, craft, politics, travel, study, whatever, that's admirable and probably a great life.

But that's not what being a "housewife" means. Being a "housewife" means spending all your time caring for the home and children and being available at all times at the disposal and pleasure of a man who essentially pays to "keep" you at his disposal. And essentially tailoring your life in every respect to put his needs first. Yes you may get to go to coffee mornings and get your nails done or even do some volunteering, but it's all on his terms.

Let's be honest about this: this may suit plenty of women and let them crack on if they want to. But what I can't stand is the suggestion that this is about better "freedom" and "choice". I can accept people saying they've chosen this life of their own free will because they prefer it, but not this bullshit rhetoric about how they have "freedom to avoid working for the man" and "no longer have to be corporate shills" or whatever.

If you're a housewife, you've exchanged paid work for an employer, where you are free to take your services elsewhere at any point if you choose, and you get to keep the fruits of your labour, for being paid by a man to look after his home and children, with no money to show for it and any security you do have totally dependent on his pleasure. And no freedom to move without severely disrupting your family's security. Give me working for the man and keeping my money any day.

Always impressed by a poster who quotes 10 words, from a 60 line post, removing all context.

Bravo.

I guess it probably depends on what makes you happy. I work very part time and freelance from home. I have never really got satisfaction or fulfilment from a job. I enjoy mine, it's fine, but if you told me tomorrow I couldn't do it any more I wouldn't be fussed. I get all my fulfilment from baking, looking after my DC and my animals, spending time with my H, reading, pottering around the house. Sad but true.

It's not sad. I'm the same. Never enjoyed or cared about work...it's purely about the money. Depends on what you value. I'm not too fussed about material possessions..as long as I have what I need. I value time and lack of stress over money.

You make childcare sound a dirty word.

There’s no rule that fits all! Some might thrive staying at home, others don’t! Some stay at home and barely get anything done lol Each person is different and are driven differently and there’s no shame in choosing to stay at home! In many cultures around the world, it is the norm for married women to focus on their homes and families while the fathers sort out livelihood.

There are other women who work full time - sometimes two jobs, and still get all the house in order and meals cooked.

It’s only nice if you can incorporate it with other more interesting things: hobbies, meeting up with friends in similar circumstances etc. I think it’s good if you don’t enjoy your job (rather than loving your job). If you can make it a varied life then it can be great for a while. Biggest disadvantage is not earning your own money and I would advise everyone to not rely on the goodwill of another person for your finances. I’ve been there and it is horrible.

I follow a woman on Tik Tok who lives in the Cotswolds with a primary age child and her days are filled with dog walks, manicures, lovely lunches and walking around garden centres. She makes it seem very aspirational but I know I would just end up laying on the sofa doomscrolling Tik Tok.

Fantastic post!

I think there is a huge amount of cognitive dissonance surrounding this " freedom"
Probably because the reality is actually the opposite.
Like fuck was I put on this planet so my DH can get out of clearing up his own shit or parenting his own children while my pension disappears.
No thanks

If they aren't single parents then their husband's or partners should be helping cooking meals or cleaning.

Or, is it simply because both people, working, don't have time to do these things?

But when the man does it, it's "quite right too, you're not a maid"

When the woman does it, it must be because she's undervalued and has a lazy husband.

I did it for 10 years while my children were growing up. House was nice and clean. I was bored rigid.

I was bored rigid

This must really depend on your personality. I never get bored...I'm happy to read, watch tv, listen to the radio or a podcast, follow the news, walk in the park. If you're a more dynamic, sociable person it probably wouldn't suit you.

I did it until my youngest was 4. I don’t think I got an awful lot done to be honest by the time I had school runs, play groups etc. I think working 4 days per week would suit me better. But my work is super busy so that’s not going to happen.

She had children to look after. Guess she didn't have time for that!

My husband on 110k and I'm SAHP

Ive really enjoyed this thread and everyone's different experiences. I had a period of about 4 months once when I was between jobs and hated every minute of it as I was bored stiff but also because I had the stress of it not being planned and being worried about money. I am sure it would be a lot better if money wasnt an issue.

I cant imagine not working full time now to be honest, I dont work in an corporate environment (I'm a civil servant) so I dont earn as much as I could elsewhere but I love my job, its challenging and I feel fulfilled. My SIL works 4 days a week and has said if her husband gets another promotion she will leave work completely to become a housewife. I dont really understand that concept, surely both of you would want to work to enable you both to retire sooner? None of us have children.

I dont like the word 'housewife' to be honest, who wants to be married to a house?

I think there is a lot of weird negativity on this thread, just because something works for you it might not work for others.

My post was specifically about OP & her DH.
It's fine for you to expand on that into a general point, but don't accuse me of sexism toward men by making a false extrapolation.

OP herself says that her DH doesn't do much.
This is true house stuff certainly isn't 50/50. I don't think it's deliberate sometimes they just don't think about it 🤣 doesn't occur to them.
It's sad that she's chosen to dress this up with a rueful "men hey - what are they like?", buying into the widespread trope than men are too special & different to be expected to notice the chores building up under their noses.

I asked her what her DH does during HIS annual leave, as I'm interested whether he would ever think to make his family's home life nicer by spending a whole day's holiday on housework.
OP hasn't answered, & she's not obliged to, but I think it's pretty clear he wouldn't. After all, he owns a penis, & OP seems to believe that this excuses him from noticing what needs to be done around the house.

I’m a housewife and I love it.

If you're a housewife, you've exchanged paid work for an employer

For unpaid work within the home, yes. Doesn't mean it has no value.

where you are free to take your services elsewhere at any point if you choose

Was unaware I was kept here under duress...

and you get to keep the fruits of your labour

The fruits of my labour are the things I have around me, they are not tangible because they are things money can't buy. Happiness. Peace. Contentment.

for being paid by a man

Will ask DH for my missing payslips, thank you for highlighting this

to look after his home and children

Our home and children

with no money to show for it

Except our joint savings, investments, and our joint account. Most in my name actually, through no reason other than I used to work in finance and set most things up for us.

and any security you do have totally dependent on his pleasure

I'm not even sure what that means it's so odd. Should we divorce, I would be far from destitute. That's the least of my concerns, I'd want to be healthy and happy. I literally do what I like with my days, whether it's work from dawn til dusk around the house, or like I am today, meeting DNan with eldest DS at a local country park. I manage my own time, it's not what I'm allowed at his pleasure. He even lets me vote.

And no freedom to move without severely disrupting your family's security.

Yes, if an employed woman left her family, there's no disruption at all.

Give me working for the man and keeping my money any day.

That's cool, each to their own.

I’m not responsible for all housework and childcare. I’m responsible for all of it when DH is at work. When he’s at home it’s 50/50.

I should add that I am was a business professional in a past life and well educated. But I am happy and that’s what counts. I also do not claim benefits.

and any security you do have totally dependent on his pleasure

Why is this the thing that everyone always brings up? One of my family just divorced his wife who hasn't worked for 20 years and he has to give her an enormous amount of money a month in spousal maintenance. I'd say she probably has more now than she did when they were married. And she was entitled to quite a bit of his pension too (rightly so).