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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not leave my child alone while she is eating.

116 replies

Questions97 · 13/04/2023 08:13

We are due to go out in 40 minutes. DP has had a shower then likes to plonk on the bed for ages in his towel looking at his phone before he finishes getting ready. I have just asked if he can come down and watch DD (4) as she is still only halfway through breakfast so that I can get ready. He has shouted down and asked what she is eating and said she has ate that loads of times she will be fine. She choked on cake about 6 months ago and it was so scary trying to get her to cough it up.

AIBU would you leave a 4 year old eating downstairs by herself while you got a shower?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2023 08:18

No. He really can't get his arse off the bed to sit with his child? You've got yourself a real charmer.

Whendovescry03 · 13/04/2023 08:19

Yes I would, and do with DS at age 4.

Suzi888 · 13/04/2023 08:21

Well he can plonk downstairs on his phone and watch your daughter eat!

ModeWeasel · 13/04/2023 08:21

Why risk it?

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 13/04/2023 08:21

2 issues. He's an idiot for wanting to lie on the bed after a shower 🤦🏼‍♀️
At 4 years old i would and did leave my DD eating.

Hardbackwriter · 13/04/2023 08:22

Yes, I would (and do). It's just me in the mornings so I tend to hover around while the two year old is eating (though I'm not always watching him every minute) but will often disappear off for my shower while the four year old is still having his breakfast.

MrsBunnyEars · 13/04/2023 08:23

I leave my 3 year old for short periods (eg to get something).

Assuming she’s not eating an obvious choking hazard and is happy, I’d be fine with this.

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/04/2023 08:23

It’s good to eat with kids just for socialisation. I wouldn’t worry about choking but I can see why you do given your experience.

Tell him he needs to come down.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 13/04/2023 08:24

A 4yo should be fine to eat breakfast alone.

If he's lazy in general then that's a whole different issue.

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/04/2023 08:24

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 13/04/2023 08:21

2 issues. He's an idiot for wanting to lie on the bed after a shower 🤦🏼‍♀️
At 4 years old i would and did leave my DD eating.

Why on earth does lying on the bed after a shower make anyone an idiot?

Trixiedrum · 13/04/2023 08:26

I wouldn’t worry about the safety myself. But I do think it’s inconsiderate to expect her to eat alone when an adult could easily be nearby, kids benefit from company during meals.

Tarantullah · 13/04/2023 08:27

I don't think there's a right or a wrong really, personally I used to leave 4 year old to eat whilst I whizzed around getting everything ready, if you don't feel comfortable then that's understandable but I wouldn't expect others to put themselves out to do so. In this case though where he's had a shower and is just scrolling away of course he could pop downstairs and do that whilst also watching.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 13/04/2023 08:27

It doesn't matter what others would do
Your child had a scary choking incident not too long ago, so it's perfectly natural that you will now be wary of leaving her alone to eat for a while

I'd expect your DH to understand this and, actually, feel the same way

MaryShelley1818 · 13/04/2023 08:27

A school age child shouldn't need to be watched eating breakfast unless there's additional needs. My reception child sits and eats breakfast on a morning watching TV and then gets themselves dressed for school (needs help with the collar/cuffs buttons and sometimes socks). I get ready for work upstairs and then join them downstairs.

TheRookie · 13/04/2023 08:29

Well I love lying on the bed after a shower 🤣

Secondly, if I never left my 4 year old alone to eat, I'd get nothing done. Slowest eater known to man!!

As long as there are people around, I wouldn't worry too much. If she's just eating cereal or toast then I can't imagine too much going wrong. She's no more at risk of choking than an adult.

FrenchandSaunders · 13/04/2023 08:33

I wouldn’t worry about choking but I think it’s sad to eat alone if there are others in the house.

I was pleased recently when my DD was home from uni and came and sat with me at lunchtime despite having eaten out earlier. She said they do the same in her uni house, she doesn’t like seeing people sitting on their own … unless they want to of course!!

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/04/2023 08:37

He can plonk his self downstairs on the sofa

But tbh really no need

She's 4 and yes I would and have left my daughter alone at that age to eat breakfast

Time4achangeagain · 13/04/2023 08:54

I think the issue is that she nearly choked 6 months ago. I do leave my 4 year old eating alone if I need to, eg have to go upstairs to get something or whatever, and wouldn’t think twice about it, but I haven’t had a relatively recent scare like you. In your circumstance I’d also want someone to be with my DC, especially if he’s just sitting about anyway

Original poster
Questions97 · 13/04/2023 08:56

Thanks for the replies. I do leave her to go to other rooms or to go upstairs to get something and come back down just not to get a shower where I wouldn't hear her.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/04/2023 08:57

Yes I would and I do. Incidents can happen at any time, you can’t live life hovering around your children. If you had another, or you were a single parent you’d have no choice

SparklyBlackKitten · 13/04/2023 08:58

A 4 yo should be able to eat by themselves

Dishwashersaurous · 13/04/2023 08:58

A four year absolutely should be able to eat breakfast alone.

However you don't want her too, and don't need to as another adult is in the house.

Morningcoffeeview · 13/04/2023 08:59

I have and do leave my 4 year old alone to eat breakfast. It’s just me and my 2 year old in the mornings, so I tend to have two year old with me and leave 4 year old downstairs. I wouldn’t leave the 2 year old yet and do make a point of popping back at regular intervals.

Cosyblankets · 13/04/2023 09:01

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/04/2023 08:24

Why on earth does lying on the bed after a shower make anyone an idiot?

Show quote history

I must be an idiot too

gamerchick · 13/04/2023 09:03

Yes 4 yr olds are able to eat alone. However, when you've watched your child choke it installs a bit of fear and those parents who haven't had it happen probably won't get that fear.

He's a lazy fucker for sitting on a bed in a wet towel for starters, who does that? Looks like you aren't getting out on time really.