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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not leave my child alone while she is eating.

116 replies

Questions97 · 13/04/2023 08:13

We are due to go out in 40 minutes. DP has had a shower then likes to plonk on the bed for ages in his towel looking at his phone before he finishes getting ready. I have just asked if he can come down and watch DD (4) as she is still only halfway through breakfast so that I can get ready. He has shouted down and asked what she is eating and said she has ate that loads of times she will be fine. She choked on cake about 6 months ago and it was so scary trying to get her to cough it up.

AIBU would you leave a 4 year old eating downstairs by herself while you got a shower?

OP posts:
cracktheshutters · 14/04/2023 07:33

I don’t leave my 5 year old to eat without me being able to hear if she’s choking, might be different because she’s currently an only child, I just find something else to do on my list that can be done downstairs like laundry and wait for her to finish

Forgooodnesssakenow · 14/04/2023 07:36

Hardbackwriter · 14/04/2023 07:01

I think people are being a bit ridiculous about 'it's so sad to eat alone'. If a child eats all their meals alone then that seems a bit sad, yes. That doesn't mean all three meals a day every day have to be social occasions. In lots of families breakfast isn't a meal that's a social occasion - it's more a case of people getting food into them as they need to so they can get to where they need to be. Children need to eat socially regularly, not absolutely always; they won't suffer from eating a bowl of cereal without practicing their social repartee at the same time.

My response was to the woman who said she leaves her 20 month old alone as it very much read as constantly

Mutabiliss · 14/04/2023 07:50

MayThe4th · 14/04/2023 06:37

For me there’s something sad about someone sitting and eating alone. Even if it’s an adult, and choking risks aside.

At my parents’ house my dad always eats at the table but my mum eats in front of the TV. It works for them like that, but I just don’t like to see my dad go off to the dining room on his own and so I always go and sit with him, and interestingly then so do the rest of the family, and it turns the meal into a social thing rather than a lonely experience.

Err.... does your dad maybe prefer to eat alone? Is he an introvert? I would hate it if someone came and sat down with me when I'd been expecting a bit of alone time!

LuvSmallDogs · 14/04/2023 07:59

I usually pop in and out while my kids (youngest is four) are eating breakfast, feeding the dog, putting lunches in bags, sitting with them for 5 while I glug a coffee maybe. DS2 takes longer to get going in the mornings, he is ND and doesn't take getting rushed well so sometimes he eats separately, and DS3 is the world's slowest eater so is often alone while finishing up.

Teatime is always social as are lunches when off school, lunches at school will involve socialising with their peers. So I doubt most breakfast times being about getting out the house will affect my DC's development.

MaverickSnoopy · 14/04/2023 08:08

Yes I leave my children to eat alone but I'm usually withing sight or hearing and I will keep talking to them. Sometimes i might pop upstairs to get something. I wouldn't be upstairs on my phone chilling out though. He can do that downstairs.

One of my children choked when they were little and then coughed up blood after. It was terrifying. I felt super aware for a long time after and I imagine it's very much in the forefront of your mind.

DiscoBeat · 14/04/2023 08:10

I think someone who likes to 'plonk on the bed for ages after a shower' instead of look after their child while you get ready yourself is known as a 'plonker'.
I hope you managed to get through to him!

Phoebo · 14/04/2023 08:27

Forgooodnesssakenow · 14/04/2023 05:19

That's very sad, I've a 20 month old and I don't get much done with her around except when asleep but leaving a young toddler at prime choking age alone to eat is not very sensible, also not great for them socially.

Show quote history

Oh not alone like that, just I'm not always around constantly watching them every meal time and so was surprised so many people are worried about choking, I didn't realise that was an issue as such unless it was particularly risky food. I know it's still a risk that's why I'm nearby and always in and out. I have an open plan area, so I might be prepping food in the kitchen while they eat and watch, or else I might put on a load of laundry etc. They usually take about 45 minutes to and hour so that's too much time to just sit and watch (for me). My child is quite happy and content on their own or I wouldn't leave them, they'll happily be chattering away etc

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 14/04/2023 08:38

I wouldn't leave a 4 year old to eat alone. They can choke so quickly and easily.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 14/04/2023 08:43

Mutabiliss · 14/04/2023 07:50

Err.... does your dad maybe prefer to eat alone? Is he an introvert? I would hate it if someone came and sat down with me when I'd been expecting a bit of alone time!

Show quote history

Agree!! So weird, what's wrong with eating alone. Gives you some time to relax and think. I enjoy it personally! This is in such contrast to mnetters not even wanting to open the door to anyone or talk on the phone 🤣🤣🤣

Derbee · 14/04/2023 09:34

cracktheshutters · 14/04/2023 07:33

I don’t leave my 5 year old to eat without me being able to hear if she’s choking, might be different because she’s currently an only child, I just find something else to do on my list that can be done downstairs like laundry and wait for her to finish

Unfortunately you won’t hear if someone is choking - it’s usually completely silent as the airway is blocked. You will hear gagging and coughing, but that is NOT choking.

There is no safe way to pop in and out and listen out for choking.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 14/04/2023 09:43

Phoebo · 14/04/2023 08:27

Oh not alone like that, just I'm not always around constantly watching them every meal time and so was surprised so many people are worried about choking, I didn't realise that was an issue as such unless it was particularly risky food. I know it's still a risk that's why I'm nearby and always in and out. I have an open plan area, so I might be prepping food in the kitchen while they eat and watch, or else I might put on a load of laundry etc. They usually take about 45 minutes to and hour so that's too much time to just sit and watch (for me). My child is quite happy and content on their own or I wouldn't leave them, they'll happily be chattering away etc

Show quote history

My eldest at 2.5 choked on a wee sponge cake next to me, I glanced down or I wouldn't have known. They can choose on anything and a brain injury happens within 5 minutes, a local 4 yr old recently suffered a devastating brain injury form choking on her dinner sat next to her parents. Choking is very serious.

Sunshine275 · 14/04/2023 10:32

My little girl has just turned 4 I wouldn’t have a problem with it. However her 6 year old sister nearly choked when she was 2 and it terrified me that I became really anxious with her and it made me so nervous.
He should respect your worries and that’s the concerning bit.

Phoebo · 14/04/2023 10:54

Forgooodnesssakenow · 14/04/2023 09:43

My eldest at 2.5 choked on a wee sponge cake next to me, I glanced down or I wouldn't have known. They can choose on anything and a brain injury happens within 5 minutes, a local 4 yr old recently suffered a devastating brain injury form choking on her dinner sat next to her parents. Choking is very serious.

Show quote history

This thread has been a really interesting read, I had no idea this was so common

oneproudmumma · 14/04/2023 12:11

I was also a single parent for a while but if either of DC were eating then I'd be in the same room at that age (under 5).

They are older now and I'm a bit more relaxed but I would not leave them eating unattended whilst I was upstairs in the shower. I can't hear anything when I'm in there with the water running!!

gamerchick · 14/04/2023 12:28

FrogsWormsandButterflies · 14/04/2023 06:46

Reading this is making me feel like a terrible parent.
I leave my almost 6 year old downstairs whilst I take the younger one to nursery and her 17 year old sister is asleep upstairs (Only in the school holidays 2 days a week)

My youngest 2 eat breakfast everyday whilst I shower, they either eat in front of the TV or in front of their tablets.

You leave a 5 and 1 yr old alone in the house while you go out?

If you're hit by a car would the hospital know there are little kids alone at home?

Morningcoffeeview · 14/04/2023 12:42

gamerchick · 14/04/2023 12:28

You leave a 5 and 1 yr old alone in the house while you go out?

If you're hit by a car would the hospital know there are little kids alone at home?

Show quote history

What?

she leaves a 6 year old with a sleeping 17 year old.

Nowhere did she say both the 1 and 6 (not 5) were left alone.

Morningcoffeeview · 14/04/2023 12:44

Ok - 5 as almost 6. But still the two young ones aren’t left alone.

ShirleyPhallus · 14/04/2023 12:49

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 14/04/2023 08:43

Agree!! So weird, what's wrong with eating alone. Gives you some time to relax and think. I enjoy it personally! This is in such contrast to mnetters not even wanting to open the door to anyone or talk on the phone 🤣🤣🤣

Show quote history

Bloody hell I could think of few things worse than trying to sit down on your own to a lovely dinner and then a load of people coming to sit with me. It would make me feel so self conscious about chewing / talking / the noise of me eating, not to mention actually being able to enjoy my food

gamerchick · 14/04/2023 12:53

Morningcoffeeview · 14/04/2023 12:42

What?

she leaves a 6 year old with a sleeping 17 year old.

Nowhere did she say both the 1 and 6 (not 5) were left alone.

Show quote history

No I misread the 17 years as 16 months. Years sounds better, I was a bit wtf for a minute.

gamerchick · 14/04/2023 12:54

*17

Morningcoffeeview · 14/04/2023 12:55

@gamerchick i see. I can understand your
initial reaction!

Aphrathestorm · 14/04/2023 12:56

Is watching children eat a new thing now?!?

Never even crossed my mind.

If DP asked me to watch a DC eat I'd have thought he'd gone mad!

Mumsanetta · 14/04/2023 13:02

Aphrathestorm · 14/04/2023 12:56

Is watching children eat a new thing now?!?

Never even crossed my mind.

If DP asked me to watch a DC eat I'd have thought he'd gone mad!

I’m so confused by this 🙈! How old are your DC? Did you never ever stay with them while they ate?

Morningcoffeeview · 14/04/2023 13:28

Aphrathestorm · 14/04/2023 12:56

Is watching children eat a new thing now?!?

Never even crossed my mind.

If DP asked me to watch a DC eat I'd have thought he'd gone mad!

What about when they were weaning??

LorW · 14/04/2023 13:35

I wouldn’t OP. Is it even worth the risk? People always think it will never happen to them until it does.

me and DD tend to eat together and if I’m not eating I sit with her as I’d feel a bit sad her sat at the table eating by herself 😔