C-section not real birth

[Washingforweeks]

I was just scrollling through Facebook and saw a post about women getting shamed for c-sections. I’ve had 3 vaginal births never a c section so I have never personally experienced this kind of…. Well wtf is it…. Ridiculousness. Is this genuinely a real thing?? Are there women out there being shamed for having c-sections? If so Jesus Christ. Seriously?!

Yep this is still a thing.

I was asked how I was feeling about a week after giving birth by emergency c section, you know the no choice, cut out within an hour of being admitted to hospital type. And asked how I was feeling and not to feel a failure because I didn’t really give birth?!
umm I wasn’t?! Wtf.

too posh to push was common and the complete lack of understanding that the baby would’ve died. The comments came From the older generous rather than younger might I add.

I had an elective abdominal birth because I didn't fancy the pain of a vaginal one. It was fabulous.
We all underestimate the internalised misogyny of many other women.

Also didn't breast feed because I wanted my other half to help with feeding.

Luckily I don't care what anyone else thinks.

I had one because I wanted one ( having researched the pros and cons, and having come to the conclusion c- sections are safer). Anyone who thinks I didn't give birth 'properly' can fuck off tbh. (And I've also seen the statistics stating it's probably marginally less costly to the NHS).

I have had an emergency cat 1 and an elective. I just agreed with the people who told me I was too posh to push.

I had a failed induction resulting in an emergency c-section. It wrecked my body. If I'd had a an elective c-section it wouldn't have done.

Wish I'd chosen an elective section.

Oh absolutely. I was shamed a lot for choosing an elective. Absolutely outrageous according to some people! 😆

It didn’t bother me, it became rather good fun baiting people when it was astonishingly apparent they disapproved. On one end of the scale you get pursed lips and judgement dressed up as questions enquiries making sure I knew what I was ‘letting myself in for’, and on the other end you get out and out judgement. One memorable one was, “won’t it bother you that you won’t have really given birth?” and from a female relative in-law, “you do know it makes it very unlikely you’ll be able to have any more children!”

Absolutely mental. I had a private birth too, and walked in on my inlaws absolutely tearing me to shreds. 😆 brilliaaaaaaant.

And I absolutely agreed with those who said I was too posh to push, I said I couldn’t think of anything worse than pushing. Which was true! That baby was small but much bigger than my poor vagina, so I found what was to me, a much better solution.

This has absolutely cracked me up 🤣

@Midwinter89 there is actually not much of a cost difference, and when you factor in birth trauma treatment and injuries, elective c section is actually more cost effective. Women should have free access to the type of birth they want without being ashamed, given the difference in cost, foetal and maternal mortality are only marginally different either way.

A C-Section is a life saving operation for both Mother & Child. Whoever is shaming really has no idea.

I have had both a vaginal birth with no epidural or morphine and an emergency C-section after many hours of labour...would have loved to have my second baby the "natural" way, the recovery with the section was a lot harder ....

It’s quite apparent that women are judged, whatever they do, and for literally everything they do.

One of my worst ‘judgers’ was my father in law.

Oh God, same. Getting on all fours, mooing, shitting yourself, clitoral tears, episiotomies, random medics rummaging about in your cervix and shoving their hands up you - none of it sounds like my idea of a good time.

I file alongside bungee jumping and running ultramarathons as "good for you, not for me".

I’ve never come across shaming comments about c-sections IRL but fully believe it happens.

I have seen VB shaming comments on MN though, some of which appear on this thread.

@allfurcoatnoknickers judge comment the other way right there...

It seems to me that it's only childbirth that this, what I would call weird, ' natural is best' thing applies to. No-one seems to be shaming the person with the dodgy hip who has a ( quite unnatural) hip replacement. Not do they seem to suggest ( erroneously when pertaining to childbirth, if the reports are accurate), that ,' well, this costs the NHS money so it shouldn't be allowed...

Well I think as women we only have ourselves to blame for the anti C-section culture. So much is made of the BIRTH PLAN, wanting natural birth, water birth, home birth, no pain relief, cord cut by husband, only one person in the room, music in the background, instant skin-to-skin and so on. It’s seen as a woman’s right to have all these things, and it becomes a feminist crusade to achieve the birth plan.

But then labour takes hours, the pain is worse than expected, an epidural is needed, the baby becomes distressed, an emergency section is essential.

And having had such high hopes for a perfect birth, the mum feels like crap, feels a failure, worries she won’t bond, feels it must be her fault for not trying hard enough, ends up with PND and being made to feel shit for ever by the smug ones for whom it went as planned.

My philosophy was don’t try and plan something that is beyond your control, then you’re less likely to be disappointed with the outcome. I had one of each - a premature and rapid vaginal delivery, and a planned section for a breech baby. They’re healthy teens now and I couldn’t give a shit how they came out.

@Twizbe I said "good for you, not for me" as far as I'm concerned, every women should have the birth she wants. I just don't want those things for myself and I totally understand that some women wouldn't want a c-section because they find the idea of being cut open while awake horrifying.

I've given birth 6 times with no pain relief
Any woman who gives birth via a section is a lot braver than I'll ever be
The thought of being sliced open and then sewn back up makes me heave
It's a proper birth no matter how baby comes Into this world

I absolutely agree that anyone who judges and disparages the way in which another woman gave birth is an utter twat. I think that encompasses being judgemental or unpleasant about caesarean sections, and also being unpleasant about vaginal birth as a process and about the (assumed) impact it has on women's vaginas. I have to say I see a lot more of the latter in my own life and especially on MN, as the posts on this thread itself illustrate...

Great post.

I wouldn't describe your language as exactly neutral, though... In fact, I'd say that your description of an (imagined) vaginal birth is absolutely full of internalized misogyny in a way that's quite sad to see.

Without my first c section I wouldn’t be alive and neither would DC1. Without my second no me and no DC2.

I’ve had two c-sections and don’t remember a time where I felt shamed about it. I’m glad I had them and would have one again.

i tried natural birth with my first child until she got distressed and i started bleeding,forceps sidnt work out either so had emergency c section. Tbh i was warned by consultants before induction i will
likely not be able to, baby was oblique legs first my uterus is heart shaped septate so no space to turn around and had also 8cm ovarian cyst. I cried that night i felt like i failed, i had been into sports and had a healthy lifestyle all my life, an old comment rang in my mind,i remembered as a child at a family gathering elderly male relative made jokes that modern women are weak and cant even give birth without a man (in his day they gave birth at a field and and continued working etc)- my surgeons were men.

some weeks after c section i overheard a comment that women who have c section shouldnt say they gave birth as its not giving birth- that upset me at the time too.

have had more sections since my first and not fussed about comments like this, anyone who has had experience with c sections knows its not any easier route than a natural birth, there is no easy way either way, complications can happen et