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AIBU?

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Original poster

C-section not real birth

453 replies

Washingforweeks · 12/04/2023 19:27

I was just scrollling through Facebook and saw a post about women getting shamed for c-sections. I’ve had 3 vaginal births never a c section so I have never personally experienced this kind of…. Well wtf is it…. Ridiculousness. Is this genuinely a real thing?? Are there women out there being shamed for having c-sections? If so Jesus Christ. Seriously?!

OP posts:
PrettyMaybug · 12/04/2023 23:37

bottleofbeer · 12/04/2023 23:27

Jesus, why is it a competition?

I'm sorry to you if you had a terrible natural birth. I'm sorry if you ended up having an unplanned section.

You all gave birth. There is no easy way to do it.

I agree. However, there is absolutely no getting away from the fact that the women who have vaginal births, are SO angry and resentful and furious towards the women who have elective C sections.

The women who have elective C sections, have absolutely no problems with other women having vaginal births.

Why IS that?

The 'vaginal birth' women seem to have a real stick up their arse about women CHOOSING to have a C-section. In reality it is fuck-all to do with them. Why are they so angry about other women making a choice about their OWN body? I can only put it down to resentment and jealousy. Can't be anything else as far as I can see. As I said, it's got FUCK-ALL to do with them what other women do with their body! Women who choose a C-section don't owe any fucker an explanation!

Olive19741205 · 12/04/2023 23:39

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:04

Even though its wrong and rude-
I suppose women who had long painful natural births sometimes crave acknowledgement that they made that sacrifice/went through that for their child?

A pal of mine had a pain free scheduled c sec and her bf was talking about childbirth as if we both went through the same
thing. No mate I had 3 days of agony.

Isn't this the kind of bullshit the OP is talking about? You're not a better mother because you had a vaginal birth.😂I've had both...does that mean I love one of my children more than the other?

bottleofbeer · 12/04/2023 23:39

I didn't get a choice. I had to have sections. I had to watch the women who did it naturally, go home while I couldn't even piss for myself.

We all gave birth.

bottleofbeer · 12/04/2023 23:42

Three days of agony? Sorry to hear that.

And I am absolutely fucking over my own point here, I know. Sections hurt, you know?

Maizie83 · 12/04/2023 23:43

Oh god, I'll never forget someone saying how sorry she felt for me because I was going to hospital for an elective section (for reasons to do with family history), and how awful it was that I wasn't having a homebirth with her doula. I also met many women who told me to empower myself and not give into the fear of medicalised birth. It just wasn't that simple in my case, and I gave up trying to explain that to a lot of women in the end. A C-section saved my childs life too, and I had a lovely birth experience as a result. Each to their own!

bengalcat · 12/04/2023 23:46

If you’ve had a baby you’ve given birth - how it came out is irrelevant

Toblerone45 · 12/04/2023 23:46

Three sections here, one emergency and two elective. God knows who gave birth to my kids if I didn’t 🤷‍♀️also, I got the gift of hideous labour for three days with the first one and “only” the recovery after the two planned sections. Yep. That was miles better despite the surgery.

my second and third births despite the pain afterwards (got the double whammy of labour and section after the first!) were soooo much calmer.

herlightmaterials · 12/04/2023 23:50

Babooshka1992 · 12/04/2023 23:26

Can’t believe there’s a woman on here who said she demanded a c section as she thought it was the easy option (no medical reason). And also didn’t breastfeed because she couldn’t be bothered.

Has she failed us all somehow?

I don't think she has.

bottleofbeer · 12/04/2023 23:52

Ffs it's no badge of honour. Come back in 25 years or so and tell us how the babies are doing.

That's the hard part

Tofuislovely · 12/04/2023 23:54

@Babooshka1992 , why does it matter to you? Why can't you respect her choices?

Babooshka1992 · 12/04/2023 23:55

@herlightmaterials It’s the unwillingness to do what’s best for the baby if they think it may be less convenient for them, that I find odd. Parenting is putting baby first.

Opine · 12/04/2023 23:57

I’ve had vaginal births and a section. My own feeling is that the section wasn’t giving birth. Felt nothing like it. It was absolutely the right option because I have some extensive damage from the other deliveries but nonetheless it didn’t compare.

The recovery, though tough, was far easier for me personally but my baby had a lot of mucus and it took longer for my milk to come in. It was better for me but not for my baby given the risk was only to myself. Not sure I would have agreed to it for reasons other than avoiding known risk.

It was a birth of course because a baby was delivered but I personally didn’t ‘give’ a thing. Maybe it’s just a matter of how a woman personally feels about it. I was very smug about having taken my personal easy route.

Cantseethewindows · 12/04/2023 23:58

Flittingaboutagain · 12/04/2023 20:19

I do think the people who opt for planned sections and never attempt a vaginal delivery don't give birth. They don't experience contractions, dilation etc and technically don't know what it is to give birth or labour. They have an extraction I suppose. Nothing wrong with it, not lesser or unworthy but obviously not the same.

You do realise that a lot of planned sections are for medical reasons and therefore before labour? My first was breech and my second transverse/ unstable. No contraction ever, but they were not extracted, FFS!

mamabear715 · 12/04/2023 23:58

I had one twin vaginally & the other c section.
Worst of both worlds! (Buy one, get one free?)

herlightmaterials · 13/04/2023 00:03

Babooshka1992 · 12/04/2023 23:55

@herlightmaterials It’s the unwillingness to do what’s best for the baby if they think it may be less convenient for them, that I find odd. Parenting is putting baby first.

Honestly I think being a parent is about far more than this and we should take the moral element out of this part of it because there are no prizes for suffering. Many women will be better parents if they're able to look after themselves and if that involves a c section or bottle feeding, that's fine. There are plenty of opportunities for sacrifice.

Midwinter89 · 13/04/2023 00:03

@Cantseethewindows
looking at it realistically they were ‘extracted’ rather than going through the traditional birth, but there’s no reason to feel emotional about that language it
doesn't make their introduction to the world less valuable

Opine · 13/04/2023 00:03

@Flittingaboutagain An extraction is exactly how I describe it! Very odd experience.

That said, there are many women who Labour for a long time and Have sections at the last minute. I almost had one when my second twin was stuck sideways.

Babooshka1992 · 13/04/2023 00:08

@herlightmaterials I know what you mean but breastfeeding and losing a
bit of sleep isn’t much of a sacrifice to put your baby in the best health (if you’re fortunate enough to be able to). Why have a baby if you can’t be arsed mothering.

Cantseethewindows · 13/04/2023 00:10

Midwinter89 · 13/04/2023 00:03

@Cantseethewindows
looking at it realistically they were ‘extracted’ rather than going through the traditional birth, but there’s no reason to feel emotional about that language it
doesn't make their introduction to the world less valuable

Why thank you for telling me what I should and shouldn't feel!!! At least stick to the medical language if you are so keen on being technical! Absolutely nowhere on my notes does it say my babies were extracted from me! I can't decide whether you're being deliberately obtuse or willfully offensive, but you can do one! I don't talk about vaginal births as women expelling a foetus, do I? It would be dehumanising!!! So is your language.

I am genuinely upset I never got to attempt a vaginal delivery or even feel a contraction. It will be something I will forever be sad about. When people talk about being shamed for having a Caesarean, that includes comments like yours.

Opine · 13/04/2023 00:11

@Babooshka1992 this isn’t going to go well. The culture of ‘whatever is best for you’ is what many subscribe to 🤷🏽‍♀️

disneydatknee · 13/04/2023 00:12

I know right?! Does it really matter how you brought your child into the world? There is so much focus on their entrance but we all carried our children the same way. Both of mine were vaginal births but there was a real possibility my 2nd would have had to be a c section as I had placenta previa. I was so relieved in the end that I didn't need to go through major surgery and tackle a newborn at the same time. Whether you do it all natural, have all the drugs, all the tools, all the surgerical help, the ultimate goal is to have a healthy child. It is really sad some mums shame others for not "doing it properly". There is no proper way. Medical intervention is there for a reason. Same goes for the breast is best movement. Its not a competition!

Summerbreeze111 · 13/04/2023 00:12

Midwinter89 · 12/04/2023 20:28

@Meka23 and did you pay for that or use NHS resources?

What even is this judgemental comment?

EllandRd · 13/04/2023 00:14

Worked in theatres for a while and worked with many C sections, just getting the epidural inserted is horrendous enough, once that's in I think the rest is ok. Vaginal births much harder all round .

bottleofbeer · 13/04/2023 00:15

Extracted? Fucking hell, that actually makes me feel like shit, like I got to the finish line and failed.

DramaAlpaca · 13/04/2023 00:18

An NCT ante-natal teacher shamed a woman in our NCT group for having a c-section at our meet up after the babies were born. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, tbh. The woman concerned was deeply upset about it, it was a completely necessary medical intervention which saved her child's life. I think she might've made a complaint about the NCT teacher afterwards, deservedly so.