C-section not real birth

[Washingforweeks]

I was just scrollling through Facebook and saw a post about women getting shamed for c-sections. I’ve had 3 vaginal births never a c section so I have never personally experienced this kind of…. Well wtf is it…. Ridiculousness. Is this genuinely a real thing?? Are there women out there being shamed for having c-sections? If so Jesus Christ. Seriously?!

God you’re a moron.

I had an elective c section with my 2nd, but not in the sense I had a choice, only in the sense it wasn't an emergency so there was time to plan it. Had PPD and a hard time bonding because people convinced me i hadn't given birth.
"At least it was the easy way not like your first"
"Oh you've got lucky there"
"It'll be like a holiday with the newborn in hospital for a few days because you won't have had to actually give birth"
"Are you sure you don't want to wait and see if things change so you can do it properly?"
It was not like a holiday. It was not easy. If I'd gone into labour naturally it would have been very risky, and I haemmoraged so I did not feel lucky.
But I DID give birth. To both my babies in the safest and best way for them at the time.

Glad to hear there are good ones out there.

My teacher was one of those swivel-eyed loons who believed pain in childbirth is a myth propagated by big pharma, that epidurals are a tool of the patriarchy to control women’s bodies, and that we should resist the ‘cascade of interventions’ as though our lives depended on it. Lots of scaremongering about how your baby’s immune system would never work properly if you didn’t have a vaginal birth, etc.

She had a real go at a member of our group who was advised to have a c-section as her baby was breech. It was awful.

Nicecow I’m sure you don’t mean to be, but it’s really quite patronising to assume that a woman who chooses a c-section has not done any research and does not “properly know the risks”. In my own experience the obstetricians I spoke to were very thorough in outlining the risks of a c section when I chose an elective for my second (despite that also being what they recommended given my previous birth and complications in my second pregnancy). However the risks of induction were barely discussed at all before they went ahead with it due to dangerously high blood pressure with my first.

I had an emcs with my first after hours and hours of labour. I’d have been furious to have been told I hadn’t given birth. My elective was absolutely amazing in comparison. Best experience of my life - in no way pain free, but a far more chilled and civilised way to meet my baby than the first time when I was delirious with tiredness. I couldn’t give a shiny shit if it cost the NHS a little bit more money than if I’d been lucky enough to have had a complication free vaginal birth (unlikely given that they weren’t happy for me to go to term). As it happens, I can guarantee my 4 day hospital stay with induction, labour, and middle of the night emergency c section cost more than my 24 hour stay with an afternoon planned section.

In answer to the OP, I think most women are sensible enough to understand the pros and cons of both methods of birth (because a c section is absolutely giving birth to child) and are unlikely to shame another woman for having a c section. Certainly amongst my friends we’ve all been very supportive of all of our very different birth experiences. However, yes, I’ve heard the odd slightly judgmental comment from people I’m not so close to. Thankfully I’ve been secure enough in my choices to just laugh it off, and understand that it stems from ignorance or misogyny. I really feel for anyone struggling with how their birth turned out who has heard similar though.

Oooooh, so you’re a judgy one? Gotcha. Didn’t realise at first.

It’s a perfectly valid choice. I wanted one because I didn’t want a vaginal birth for a number of reasons.

Here are some numbers for you:

34% of births are induced. No thank you.
1 in 3 vaginal births wind up with intervention (forceps or ventouse). Ouch. Episiotomy not optional.
20% of births end up with emergency Caesarian section. I simply cut out the 24 hours of pain first and went straight to theatre. Strolled in, wheeled out, complete with new baby.
1 in 6 women will have a tear. Not an appealing option.

• 3 in 10 will have a first or second degree tear.
• 6 in 100 will have third or fourth degree year. ^that’s when it goes right through to your bum.

Natural labour with no intervention or aftercare is cheapest. However, natural labour with intervention, and any follow up care caused by complications, more expensive than an elective csection.

And most importantly, because I am an educated, informed adult woman, with bodily autonomy, who wanted a section.

So I had one.

@snowday01 I’m so sorry for your loss. X

My first two labours were just so horrible that I had my third by c section. I didn't have to, but I wanted to. It was grim, yes, but not the intensely agonising horror that the other two births had been, and the recovery wasn't much different either. I would have preferred to have had straightforward labours rather than feeling I had no option but to opt for the section, but my experiences had just been too gruesome. When I told my neighbour I'd planned a section for my third, she did a head tilt and asked 'whyyyyyyy?', as if I'd hurt her feelings. Once I'd given her the rundown of my previous two births she didn't say much. Everyone has their opinion, but the only person who has to get that baby out of her body is the pregnant woman.

@Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes

Vaginal birth not for everyone I understand that

2 vaginal births

Baby 1 - Born on due date
Labour 5 Hours
No pain relief
No tear

Baby 2
Labour 2 1/2 Hours
No pain relief
No tear

Not all births are bad
Your scary quotes no wonder women fear birth

This.

I was disappointed when mine said the same.

Our NHS antenatal classes were online and I joined the first one from a hospital bed at 29 weeks after suffering complications. I knew I wouldn't make it to full term and that a c-section would be needed.

Surely the goal of antenatal classes is to inform and guide people towards preparedness, while the goal of birth is a safe delivery through whichever means.

People need to understand likely scenarios and should be supported to make informed decisions throughout pregnancy. Brushing aside any aspect of that isn't particularly helpful.

They’re not ‘scary quotes’, they’re current NHS figures. Go look them up.

What’s happened here is you’ve hard two really straightforward births, and you’ve fallen into the trap of thinking those who don’t have what you had are lesser/foolish.

You were extraordinarily lucky. I didn’t want to risk not having a straightforward birth, so I removed nearly all mystery from it. And it was bloody marvellous.

I don't feel I gave birth when I had a c section, as I didn't really do anything. I do believe my babies were all born though!

I don't give a flying tit wank if C-sections are 'real births' or not. I had my first child by emergency section and the second one by selective section. Both were VERY real to me, and I have an incredible bond with both DC.

Both C-sections went smoothly, and I got my figure back within 3-4 months each time, and I have a lovely, nice, tight, intact little vaj - and I'm very, very proud of it. Maintained a great sex life, and had no issues with anything after each baby. Was shagging within 3-4 weeks. TMI, don't care.

I'm really glad I didn't have to go through natural births after the horror stories I've heard. That's just my opinion and I'm entitled to it, as much as people are entitled to say C-sections are not real births.

“@Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes

Equally for your own reasons you opted for major surgery to give birth due to not thinking it would be straightforward

Women like you put the fear into pregnant women that a vaginal birth will go wrong instead making them think major surgery is the way to go

Never once did I say c sections should not happen I only believe it should be for the right reasons

I know I was very lucky and this might annoy you too I think all women should attempt breast feeding

Night 😀

RamsayEaster you have been incredibly lucky to have had such lovely straight forward births. In my friendship group of 10 women, only one of us had had a similar experience. One had an extremely traumatic vaginal delivery resulting in severe complications for both her and her baby. Four of us have needed c sections (a mixture of emergency and elective, but none for ‘convenience’ or merely preference, not that that wouldn’t have been valid). The rest all had vaginal deliveries with tears and a couple of PPH, but ultimately with healthy babies.

I can understand with your experience of two straightforward births it may be difficult to understand why someone would choose a c section, but perhaps try thinking outside your own limited experience and you may see that it is a very valid choice.

I went into my first birth quite confident and with little fear. I’d done lots of research, read Ina May Gaskin and was well practised in hypnobirthing after a perfectly easy 39 weeks of pregnancy. A c section didn’t feature on my radar and didn’t seem like a sensible choice to me either. Alas, my body suddenly didn’t like being pregnant and I had to be induced to keep us both alive. DD1 didn’t like that and a c section was the luck of the draw. It was absolutely a sensible choice the second time around.

Yes, this is a thing. Never happened to me but I've seen others shamed for needing pain relief, interventions or c-sections. Absolute nonsense IMO, the only thing that matters is that mum and baby are safe and healthy. I've known too many women disappointed, traumatised and damaged because they bought into the "natural birth" narrative.

@Upsadiddles

If you had read my previous posts

I said I didn’t know nowadays ( it’s been 15 years since I gave birth ) you could opt for a c section unless it was better medically for mum and baby or it was extreme circumstances

I made an off the cuff joke that women opt for a c section because they are too posh to push - a comment that has been around for years - maybe people too young to understand the meaning behind it

Good for you.

I mean, God forbid a woman should actually do something for her own well-being. Something that makes life a lot easier for her and causes her less pain and stress. Any woman that wants a C-section by choice should absolutely be allowed to do it. The chances of something going wrong with the C-section are far, far less than something going wrong with a natural birth. (IME and that of many women I know/have known.)

I know around 10 women who had elective C-Sections, (all 28 to 34) and they said it's the best decision they made. Some people seem to have a stick up their arse about women CHOOSING to have C-section, and not a 'natural birth..' Why? Jealousy? resentment? Coz THEY didn't think of it/never had the chance?? How bizarre that some women think they are entitled to police other womens' life choices... LOL jog on. When my DD has a baby, she is 100% going for elective C-section. I am sure some people will slate her for it. She won't give a fuck.

Women have put up with enough shit over the years, and enough fucking painful and traumatic childbirths... People need to piss off with trying to guilt trip women for wanting to have a C-section to have an easier time of it when bringing their baby into the world!

Women like you put the fear into pregnant women that a vaginal birth will go wrong instead making them think major surgery is the way to go

’Women like me’?

Wow.

Do you think I’m some sort of one-woman crusader trying to talk women out of vaginal births? As opposed to a woman who’s had a C-section, responding to a thread about women who’ve had C-section being judged for it by women like you?

You don’t understand what ‘elective’ means. You also don’t understand costs of birth on the NHS. That’s fine, but don’t try and pass your ignorance as fact.

@Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes Ignore! It's just jealousy.

I have read all your posts RamseyEaster, but I’ve posted in response to Why anyone would consider medical surgery the best choice for them / baby when not necessary I simply can’t understand. If we could all guarantee the straightforward experience you had then I’m sure far fewer women would consider surgery. However, it really is a lottery and it’s a perfectly valid choice to choose not to gamble.

Yep. And ignorance. I’m travelling home though and I’m bored and I’ve got embroiled in three threads that I knew damn well I should have not clicked on!

@PrettyMaybug

Seriously - major surgery is better for you and baby
Lost for words now

What are the ‘right’ reasons? Do you have these opinions on other types of healthcare?

Night then.