To not keep paying?

[Tilllly]

DS is in first year at Uni

I said we'd pay for hall for up to a year whilst he found a job

So we're paying £1500 a term, and his £1500 cost of living grant is just for him
He has £500 a month spending money... and has nothing left, plus he's spent the £500 his GPs gave him "for emergencies" bless them!

I've said we're not paying next year. He's had ample time to find a job, plus wtf is he spending £500 a month on? I don't have that to spend. And whilst we're not desperately struggling, the hall costs aren't easy

There are 2 massive supermarkets, 15/20 mins away and he says there are no jobs
But it seems all his friends have jobs

DH thinks we should keep paying but I think he needs to bloody grow up

Am I really being that unreasonable? DS1 got a job and we'd bail him out when he was stuck. DS2 needs to do the same

But OP is paying his halls at £1500 x 3, which does make it up to £9000 and is also paying £500 pcm on top which means they’re contributing way more than the minimum? I make it parental contribution of £10,500 + maintenance of £4500 from govt which is far far more than most students get. He needs to get a job.

No full loan outside London living away from home is £9706. He’s only getting £4500 (due to your income) You are expected to make up difference as your income is stopping him borrowing full amount.
So you are expected to pay £5206. You have given him £4500.
You will be expected to contribute a similar sum in yr 2 and yr 3.
Martin Lewis campaigned to make parental contribution clearer - his site is good for info.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes/

This is the latest MSE article.

So the lad's accommodation alone is £4500/year. About £115/week (cheap!)

He has £500/month from OP for food, travel & fun.

DS is (midlands Uni) managing on (we provide) £110/month for food & fun (doesn't really do fun). I think you probably need to give something but not £500/month when it's straining you so much. In the middle, maybe, £300/month? He should use his loan for his accommodation cost. We pay student DC something weekly not bigger lump sums.

Heck DD is London student & we're only sending her £220/month for food & life, that includes half the cost of her gym membership.

https://www.savethestudent.org/money/asking-parents-for-money-university.html

This sets out expected parents contribution.

The minimum maintenance loan (not a grant - it is repayable!) is £4500. At this contribution level parents are expected to pay an additional £4500. So YABU. Sounds like your son is receiving the correct level of support.

Is he paying for things like his mobile phone, Netflix etc himself? If not, it's time to transfer the direct debits to him.

Unless OP is paying £1500 a term PLUS £500 per month? I assume not and the £500 per month is £1500 per term loan, split over the three months of term.

No, we pay for phone, Netflix and some Xbox thingy subscription

I read it as Op paying £1500 a term for accommodation (£500 a month) So she’s paying a total of £4500 a year - so a bit below her recommended parental contribution.
If you stop paying in yr 2 and 3 he’ll be in a far worse position than a teen with low income parents who don’t give him a penny.

Thanks
That's helpful

But frustrating as DH is on a temporary honorarium which has tipped us up a bracket by about £30...!

Ok so we need to pay him something from sept
I just don't see how we can keep paying £500 a month
And I honestly don't see why he needs that much, it's literally for food and socialising, and we buy plenty of that

So maybe meet in the middle. Ish.

Is £200 a month reasonable?

No, we pay for phone, Netflix and some Xbox thingy subscription

That's your problem then. These are all things he could be paying for himself to help him understand how to budget and prioritise. Over the Easter holidays tell him that he needs to take over these payments himself.

He should have a total of approx £9700 per annum to live off of. This would be made up of whatever loan he gets (means tested on parental income) and is expected to be topped up to £9700 by parents. This is on top of the loans he will be taking out for his tuition fees.

So, if he gets a loan of £4500, then you are expected to give him £5200 per annum as a top up. The means testing calculates that this is an affordable amount for both the student to live off of, and for the parent to contribute.

If you are currently giving £4500 for halls, then you're shorting him by approx £700 a year. You need to top up for every year of the course, not just the first year.

I'm thinking part of it is I'm irritated at his slapdash approach to money and no effort to get a job
So confused

So the loan covers the halls for the year. Then the government expects you to pay him £500 a month....I cannot believe that!! Seems like a lot of money to live on for 1 young person. I'd say that you'll pay £250 a month and he'll have to get a job to make up the shortfall. If he claims to not be able to get a job, I would start buying him vouchers for his local supermarket so that he can buy his food and won't be able to fritter his money away on nights out.

If he is only a first year he might also have a child trust fund tucked away. Some parents insist on their DC using this towards their living expenses.

You should encourage him to work in the summer. The £4.5k he is receiving from his maintenance loan will need to see him through until September otherwise.

Tho with the other things we pay for, probably not shorting him, about hitting the target
But it's making things really tight for us

Honestly OP it's fine people saying "ooh you have to top him up so he has the same amount as everyone else" but that's not how life works.
You're paying his accommodation this year. He's splurging £500 a month on food and fun. Couple of hundred in food, he should def be able to put a bit away. He can work over the Summer. He can get a job in September (has he even tried the SU?). Work our what he'll earn + his student grant - accommodation - food and see where he's at. Then look at where he's at.

No, £200 a month isn't reasonable. It would leave him with well below what is needed.

You are expected to pay the difference between the loan amount (£4500) and the max loan (£9700).

£5200 per year is reasonable, and the expected parental contribution.

It is reasonable to expect him to pay for his phone/netflix etc out of that though. You give him the full parental contribution, he manages all his bills from that. If you want to continue to pay his phone etc on his behalf, it's reasonable for that amount to be deducted from the £5200 a year parental contribution.

You definitely need to sit down with him and work out what exactly what your contribution is. If you are paying phone etc plus £4500 you are probably making your required contribution.
I do think it’s unfair to now refuse to pay yr 2 or 3. Your income is causing him to only qualify for minimum loan.
Parents who wouldn’t or couldn’t pay contribution that I know were up front with dc and their dc chose Uni accordingly (live at home or gap year working first)

Op can't pay what she doesn't have. He isn't a baby. He can get a job and help himself. Op and her DH getting weekend or evening jobs so they're not living off credit cards whilst he spends £500 a month without regard is ridiculous. The Govt stuff is guidelines, not a biding contract.

to what extent did he manage his budget/expenses pre university?
Just wondering if he has experience of managing his money, or it's all a bit new to him.

Money isn't the problem for the OP so why would she want to shift the burden to the state?

You sound like my parents!
years ago when I was a student my grant was £980 and my parents were supposed to top up the difference (they didn’t)
my rent was £1020 so I started off in debt by £40 and had no money for food bills transport books or anything
I worked as much as I could as I had no choice which meant I didn’t get the grades I wanted
no objection to working just not as many hours as I needed to
I made sure my DC had more - they both worked between 15 and 20 hours a week and I helped out as much as I could

If he gets £1500 per term for his maintenance loan that's not a full grant and the expectation is that parents make up the difference between what the student receives and the maximum. So if he gets £4500 per year in maintenance loan and the maximum is around £9000 then either you or he or both of you would need fund the rest.