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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil wants weekly night stays

163 replies

Abw96 · 12/04/2023 11:59

My baby is 8 months old, last week my mil had him for us for an over night stay while we went out. She’s now demanding to have him again this week and every Saturday night regular. How is best to approach this? I’m happy to have him stay at mil’s maybe once a month for an over night stay but I don’t want to leave him every weekend. Has anyone else experienced this situation

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 14/04/2023 23:24

My mil wanted same, dh stepped in and told her no way. He said he couldn't imagine being away from ds every week when he was so small. We both were just not comfortable.
Could u suggest to her once a month as a compromise?

Mamanyt · 15/04/2023 00:27

This is something that your DP needs to address with his mother. Not you. Discuss this with him.

Now, I had the opposite issue. My own mother considered it a chore to look after my sons for two hours a week so that my DH and I could go out for coffee. I'd happily have let her have them one night a week, just so I could feel "married" instead of "just a mum." BTW...they were taken to her fed, changed, and sleeping like a pair of rocks. There was rarely even a diaper used while we were out.

queentim · 15/04/2023 02:40

I mean having every Saturday and Sunday morning to myself and husband and friends sounds like a DREAM to me.

You don't need to explain anything, just laugh say "oh that'd be great", and ask her to babysit whenever you guys want a weekend away, whether that's once a month, twice a month or every weekend. She's clearly happy to do it.

Ilovecleaning · 15/04/2023 07:41

Not too difficult to say ‘not every Saturday night, but once a month would be lovely.’ Interesting that you say MIL ‘demanded.’ Is she difficult? Is this why you feel you can’t just tell her?

Yespresh · 15/04/2023 09:01

Wow what a wonderful, kind and thoughtful mil you have. Mine never once offered and it felt hurtful. I would suggest you handle this very carefully as her bond with your child is important but you dont want her taking over. My son used to stay at my parents every week overnight from about 6 months old. They loved it and so did he. He did all sorts of different things with them. Dont look a gift horse in the mouth and make this a win win for you both.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 15/04/2023 09:04

Yespresh · 15/04/2023 09:01

Wow what a wonderful, kind and thoughtful mil you have. Mine never once offered and it felt hurtful. I would suggest you handle this very carefully as her bond with your child is important but you dont want her taking over. My son used to stay at my parents every week overnight from about 6 months old. They loved it and so did he. He did all sorts of different things with them. Dont look a gift horse in the mouth and make this a win win for you both.

It’s a demand, not an offer. That isn’t a gift horse, that’s a problem.

And not everyone wants to ship their kids off every week Confused

Yespresh · 15/04/2023 09:10

Ouch. Goodness me. When was a child spending time with their grandparents ever described as ‘shipping their kids off’. How do we know it was a demand, may mil in was excited maybe she isn’t neurotypical. You don’t know and nor do I.

SophieCook · 15/04/2023 09:43

Just say no. He's 8 months old. No-one gets to demand your child, unless it's the other parent and you're separated. Your mil doesn't fall into this category.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 15/04/2023 11:21

Yespresh · 15/04/2023 09:10

Ouch. Goodness me. When was a child spending time with their grandparents ever described as ‘shipping their kids off’. How do we know it was a demand, may mil in was excited maybe she isn’t neurotypical. You don’t know and nor do I.

There is a difference between spending the occasional time with grandparents and literally shipping them off every week to shirk your parenting duties.

We know it was a demand because that’s what the OP has said. If you’re not going to believe the OP you may as well not comment at all.

HarrietPoole · 15/04/2023 11:43

Peach0123 · 12/04/2023 12:36

No chance. Just remind her that if she takes YOUR baby once a week then other family members will want the same. Tell her she can visit your family by arrangement when convenient with you all. That way she still seeing baby but puts her in her place.

What? Hmm

missjonesy · 15/04/2023 12:46

When you say demanding, is she becoming really unreasonable?
If not, then tell her no that isn’t something you think works at the moment maybe when baby is a little older but you are so grateful that she was there to support you guys when you went out.
If you would be interested in a date night once a month you could suggest that. Say how nice it was to go out and you would really appreciate the help but how about once a month? It’s a nice compromise.
If she is being really unreasonable it’s a solid no. You appreciate the help when you guys were going out but actually it made you realise that you missed baby and you don’t think you want to make something a regular thing. You will ask if you need help but of course she will be first port of call.

T1Dmama · 15/04/2023 13:25

Another one that doesn’t bother to update!
fake?!?

Jeannie88 · 15/04/2023 17:39

Would've loved this offer but made it maybe once a month or when needed. Always good to have someone to help, rather than having to find and pay for a reliable babysitter. X

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