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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil wants weekly night stays

163 replies

Abw96 · 12/04/2023 11:59

My baby is 8 months old, last week my mil had him for us for an over night stay while we went out. She’s now demanding to have him again this week and every Saturday night regular. How is best to approach this? I’m happy to have him stay at mil’s maybe once a month for an over night stay but I don’t want to leave him every weekend. Has anyone else experienced this situation

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 12/04/2023 17:50

'Thank you so much for having him/her last week. We are really grateful that you are happy to look after them overnight and loved the break. That said, I'm afraid we are just not happy with the concept of losing 50 plus nights a year with our baby. We understand that you enjoyed having them but we do also prefer to spend time together as a family. We are prepared to consider one night a month and special occasions but weekly is not something we are prepared to consider.'

Nosleepforthismum · 12/04/2023 18:11

Send her my way please. Every Saturday night off?? I’d lock this arrangement down before your DC becomes a mad toddler and you have to bribe family members to take them 😅

Confusion101 · 12/04/2023 18:23

I'd love to know how she is demanding this. Is she going to arrive Saturday night and drag the child from your arms? Or has she suggested it / stated it? You can say no. I was nervous to say no to MIL in the beginning but it was the best thing I ever did. It doesn't have to be an argument. Just be honest. You don't want to leave DC 1 night a week.

HowcanIhelp123 · 12/04/2023 18:39

I'd just tell her no! Also remind her that you both work (if you do) so the weekend is the only quality time you get as a family and her suggestion would mean you'd never get a full weekend as a family ever! So while you're happy for the occasional overnight you will be prioritising your family time.

5128gap · 12/04/2023 18:45

You say 'Oh thats really lovely of you MiL, but we want to have him ourselves some weekends so we can do family stuff. How does once a month sound?' If you're wise, you won't kill the goose that lays the golden egg here, as they'll be times when you'll want to snatch her hand off for a night out/unbroken nights sleep.

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 12/04/2023 18:50

What's wrong with these people? I have two grandchildren 8 and 12, we did have them over night as babies, if asked, but I wouldn't have volunteered, it usually involved getting up with them sometime during the night. Aside from all that why do these women want to usurp the role of the actual parents, we've had our turn. Just absurd!

LookItsMeAgain · 12/04/2023 19:03

@Liorae - my comment was in relation to the "demand".
If they asked, I would just respond with "Ah no, that's grand thanks".

It's the demand that puts it into another category.

Tealsofa · 12/04/2023 19:15

You're old enough to have a baby? You're old enough to say no!

Mammyloveswine · 12/04/2023 19:48

Fuck every Saturday night?! Id bite her arm off!!

But no one ever offers to have my kids (and never have!) unless I literally beg them. (Now have ab arrangement with a friend and we use each other).

Kdubs1981 · 12/04/2023 19:55

"No thank your"

Mummyratbag · 12/04/2023 21:03

Justalittlebitduckling · 12/04/2023 17:39

I keep coming across “grey rock” on here. Sorry, what does it mean?

Show quote history

It means don't engage, don't give a reaction/get into an argument. So basically says yes to once a month and just ignores the demands for weekly.

ltappleby · 12/04/2023 21:20

When I read a post which says a MIL has demanded something outrageous (it usually is a mother in law), I assume the actual conversation went something like - “if you’d like to go out on a Saturday more often I’ll be very happy to look after the baby, just let me know”

Yellowdays · 12/04/2023 21:25

@ltappleby I was just thinking exactly that.

Rubyupbeat · 12/04/2023 22:24

I used to love having my niece and nephews to stay as babies...and when older. But I would never have demanded, I will be the same with grandbabies, I know I will love to have them, but will leave it as an open offer.

wehavenotomatoes · 12/04/2023 22:44

If you like her then can't you say how kind and you're not ready yet but once he gets older he'd love to stay, and in the meantime you'd enjoy doing things together with her sometimes so he can enjoy her company.

VestaTilley · 12/04/2023 22:48

You just say no. Tell her she’s not being appropriate and the baby is not a doll. Say no and get DH to back you up.

HarryBlaster · 12/04/2023 22:59

You say ‘no, I don’t want to leave him every week’ and make sure your husband is saying it with you.

JudgeRudy · 13/04/2023 00:14

Seeline · 12/04/2023 11:59

Just say no?

This

Vikkib1990 · 13/04/2023 00:17

100% not being unreasonable. I was 20 when I had my oldest and was pressured into this when my girl was only 2 months old. My 2nd oldest I had when I was 23 we held out till she was well into a routine still didn't want her to go but felt I was pressured into it. 10 years later I've just had another baby, my mum or MIL have barley looked after her for an hour by themselves. Shockingly it's my own mum that's pressuring me this time, wanting overnight stays and to come and get her so she can go out and show her off.. eh no lol. my MIL is getting too old now so hasn't even asked to have her x

JudgeRudy · 13/04/2023 00:18

Could you liaise with OP and wangle a sly substitution? Shell never know. If Tesco can do it....😁

Milkand2sugarsplease · 13/04/2023 00:29

No thank you, we don't need a babysitter every week.

LuluBlakey1 · 13/04/2023 00:33

Just say it won't be a regular thing every month but you are happy for it to be an occasional thing.

Collisionofus77 · 13/04/2023 00:37

Demanded? How?

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2023 01:56

Once a week is a bit much, occasionally is fine. In any case you are not likely to be going out every Saturday night. Just put it to her like that, she'll 'get' it eventually.

shejokes11 · 13/04/2023 02:00

Personally I think it's good in a sense that you get to getaway and let your hair down twice a week however mayb sometimes you don't want to go out out ..