Mil wants weekly night stays

[Abw96]

My baby is 8 months old, last week my mil had him for us for an over night stay while we went out. She’s now demanding to have him again this week and every Saturday night regular. How is best to approach this? I’m happy to have him stay at mil’s maybe once a month for an over night stay but I don’t want to leave him every weekend. Has anyone else experienced this situation

Just say no, u like spending time with yr child u didn’t have kids to palm them off on others.

"No thanks"

Any particular reason you're unable to say the word no?

How about 'no. But thanks for the offer as we would love to go out a bit more often so great to know you don't mind'?

How can people demand this kind of thing 😳 I find it so bloody weird

What did she actually say? What do you mean by 'demanding'?

It's easy for us to say "just say no", "no, thanks, we're fine" or whatever, but depending on how she was actually demanding this maybe she need to phrase your reply differently.

But at the end of the day it's your child and she can't force you to hand the child over so if you say no and don't let the child stay over there's fuck all she can do about it.

Don't let yourself be pushed into any kind of compromise arrangement like every two weeks, or the second Saturday in the month.

In mumsnet world, 'demanded' usually means asked, when it's a request from a MIL. In which case you just say "I'm glad you enjoyed having him, but weekends are precious time for the three of us to be together"

Thanks so much for having Bob...we really appreciated it. We don't want to make a commitment at the moment on a regular basis for overnight stays

This seems to be a thing in some families. DHs parents had him young and he stayed at his Grannies every weekend for years, he felt like a bit of an inconvenience to them and does not feel terribly close to them now. They got a dog a few years ago and need a break from it at the weekend, it goes to my BIL every weekend! They seem to find full time responsibilities a bit too tiring!
I breastfeed so that limited how much MIL could have mine but she had DN overnight from about 3 weeks!

I want a million pounds and a holiday, I'm not going to get those things but they'd be nice 😂...MIL can keep on wanting.

This I think covers it:

Nope. Opening yourself up to claims for grandparents rights.

Tbh that would be it for me leaving DC with her full stop

She can "demand" all she likes, and you just say no.

Did she actually say "I demand to have him every Saturday", or did she just ask if it would be possible?

Either way, the answer is still no.

"It's lovely that you enjoyed having him, that he was no trouble and that you are will to do it again. We won't hesitate to ask you if we have another event.
No plans to go anywhere just by ourselves at the moment but will let you know."

Bear in mind that 8 months is a nice age if not teething. Not so mobile he'll have the place wrecked if she turns her back. So her current keenness may also wear off.

Don't explain
don't apologize
just say no

What do you mean she demanded? How? What exactly was said?

I would absolutely NOT even commit to once a month. This would only set you up with 'BUT you said the 1st of EVERY SINGLE MONTH and now its the 4th and they haven't stayed!!!!

I'd be polite but to the point:

'Thank you for the offer, but we won't be doing that. Next time we need a night away though, we shall let you know. That would be lovely' 😁

Some of these lines are so embarrassing, the OP is talking to a real life person, it’s not a soap opera.

Of course say no, but I’d “offer” her something else instead that benefits you. So a date day with husband, overnight when you’re going to a wedding, a few hours when you want to get something done etc etc.

youll get a much better relationship and some free childcare too which is not to be scoffed at!

Crikey, I cannot understand why some people seem to think it's okay to demand things like this!

I'd just keep it breezy - I'd laugh and said "aw no sorry, I'm far too emotional for any more overnights just yet! I'm so grateful for the help you gave us whilst we went out the other day, but I found it so hard to be away from <son's name>!" Or something along those lines. Doesn't matter if it's a total lie, I think it just keeps things more amicable if you can put the "blame" back onto yourself, if that makes sense?

Yes, this is what I don't understand. Both my mother and MIL would definitely do an overnight if I needed them to I'm sure, but they'd certainly much rather hand them back for the night than deal with wake ups etc!

No… That’s not how we’ll be parenting.

Just say not at the moment but if we go out again we will see if you are free to have him if you would like that.

Say no. But be prepared for someone like this to emotionally blackmail you into doing what she wants, and telling you that she won’t have them at all unless you do what she wants.

My MIL wasn't quite as pushy as this but did request my baby round for sleepovers often. Every time I just said "Thank you for the offer but I don't feel comfortable with that yet. I will let you know when I am." Baby is now 20 months and it still hasn't happened.

"That's really kind, thanks for offering, but we would really miss him if he stayed somewhere else regularly!"

Did she actually demand or is that your take on it? Does she have form? It's hard to know if you are overreacting to a request or if she is very demanding. Tone is difficult to read at times, isn't it? have dgs1 for sleepovers from time to time and have said to DD that I really enjoy them but I don't push it and never ask for them but never say no if dd and sil ask. If she persists, then your dh needs to have a word.