Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Terrible 2s - is this normal?!

130 replies

notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:03

My DD turns 2 next week. I am honestly pulling my hair out with the tantrums. How normal is this? Here are some examples:

  • trying to dress her is generally a physical struggle - I have to restrain her so I can change a nappy / get her dressed. She just screams.
  • shower / bath time - she used to love these. Now it's just another thing that triggers screaming. Again, undressing her for the bath / shower is what sets off the screaming.
  • taking her away from anything she is doing if it's time to leave - eg. Taking her away from the tv for a bath or or to leave the house etc. not always but often this results in screaming.
  • if I won't give in to her demands for "jelly" for her breakfast

The list goes on...... are these repeated tantrums normal? I have an older child (in their teens) and I honestly do not recall things being this bad.

Please tell me whether my child is normal or not? 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:04

She was such a lovely baby as well - up to around 20 months old she was adorable and I loved parenting. What's happened? 😓

OP posts:
MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 12/04/2023 09:05

Totally normal, welcome to the hell that is having a toddler.

Marchforward · 12/04/2023 09:06

Yep.
Can you teach her to remove her own trousers?

Original poster
notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:09

Thanks that helps. I feel like it's just because I'm a shit mother sometimes- like why is she so unhappy? What am I doing wrong? 😓 but then we have moments where she's lovely and a lot of fun.

I am trying to teach her to dress / undress herself but if you try to offer help she gets more frustrated. For example if she's trying to put a cardigan on her feet as trousers, I'll gently say "can mummy help?" and try to show her, and it's met with "NO!!!" and more screaming. She's fiercely independent 🙈

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 12/04/2023 09:09

Yes absolutely normal unfortunately. Sounds like she's desperate for some control.

Justpoppingon · 12/04/2023 09:10

I had a horrific month very similar to this not long after my daughter turned 2. Had also been fine up to then - the change seemed to happen over night and it was bloody awful, I felt completely trapped and like it was going to last forever and then it basically just sort of petered out and now she's back to normal.

Could anything else be impacting your child? It obviously could just be a developmental thing, but it's worth ruling anything else out. Ours was over December for example so a lot going on and a LOT of germs, which definitely didn't help.

Survival tips... All the obvious stuff (but it did help!) - pick your battles, if it's really important then hold firm but try to do it in as calm a way as possible, offer choices - getting to choose between two types of nappies made a big difference to nappy tantrums for us - ditto clothes. Apparently water phobia is quite a big thing at this age too - we tried day time baths just a couple of times a week rather than persisting with the daily evening bath as it was just hideous.

Sending solidarity - I bet it stops as suddenly as it started and you'll wonder what on EARTH that was all about!?

MuggleMe · 12/04/2023 09:12

It's always trial and error, perhaps offer a choice of what clothes she puts on and what you do. Choices for absolutely everything was helpful for my two. Is she old enough to do the trick where you put a coat/cardi on the floor and stand at the hood end, put arms in the arm holes and flip it on?

Original poster
notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:14

@MuggleMe

Thanks I will try choices. I don't think she's quite old enough though to understand the concept of choices being an either/or - if I offer her 2 things she tries to take both 🤣

I haven't heard of the trick with the cardigan on the floor tbh!

OP posts:
Anonymoususe · 12/04/2023 09:15

I feel your pain 😫 re getting dressed/undressed I have to make it into a game, hold open the neck hole and challenge my son to run head first into it 😂 or “where’s your arm gone? Oooooo…there it is!” or just plain old bribery with being able to watch my phone whilst doing nappy changes/getting dressed if they absolutely will not stay still. Has to be a very swift retrieval and distraction afterwards though to get the phone back. Sometimes feel absolutely ridiculous, but remember it’s just a phase and will pass 🤞🏼 😭

Anonymoususe · 12/04/2023 09:19

I second the day time baths ✋🏼 I have 2 toddlers and anything other than a late afternoon bath would just be horrendous trying to squeeze it all in before bed. I used to like the calmness it would bring before bed when I had 1 but now I just make sure they’re having a non messy (ish) dinner and it works a lot better. Breaks the day up a bit too!

Original poster
notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:20

I can't do day time baths during the week as I work as well so she goes to nursery. We don't get home until 6pm unfortunately so it's a quick snack and straight in the shower / bath. Bedtime 7.30 latest.

I'm baffled by the sudden dislike of the shower/bath tbh - she used to love it, I couldn't get her out!

OP posts:
Aandornot · 12/04/2023 09:21

And this is why my kids went to nursery 4 days a week 😆 kids are hard aren't they! My 6 year old is bloody delightful now though.

Original poster
notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:21

@Aandornot

She does go to nursery 4 days. These battles are happening on a morning and evening before and after work, so it's absolutely draining😭

OP posts:
Aandornot · 12/04/2023 09:23

notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:21

@Aandornot

She does go to nursery 4 days. These battles are happening on a morning and evening before and after work, so it's absolutely draining😭

Partly nursery tiredness then. It's draining for them. Honestly I wouldn't barter with her she's too little, just crack on, get the task done and try and ignore the brief amount of crying. Or get in the bath with her, that used to help my bath hating daughter.

roseopose · 12/04/2023 09:24

Had this with my DD but she's slowly coming out of it. It tends to resurface if she's tired or unwell. I found choices didn't work because she simply didn't want to get dressed/nappy at all so choosing something wasn't attractive to her. It was hell BUT it did improve.

Original poster
notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:25

@roseopose

Do you mind me asking how old your DD was when she came out of it? I'm praying we don't have months and months of this ahead as she's only just about to turn 2 🙈

OP posts:
Napmum · 12/04/2023 09:25

My son was exactly the same at 2. It didn't last long, I tried to make the wrestling into a game and give as much choice as possible. Like do you want x before or after y? Didn't always work as my son wasn't good at choosing either.

Original poster
notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:29

I tried the choosing thing with 2 types of yogurt once - I showed them both to her and said "do you want this one or this one?" Her face lit up and tried to take both, then screamed when I took the other one away 🙈 Maybe a tad too young to make choices.

OP posts:
roseopose · 12/04/2023 09:32

notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:25

@roseopose

Do you mind me asking how old your DD was when she came out of it? I'm praying we don't have months and months of this ahead as she's only just about to turn 2 🙈

Oh I really don't want to have to answer this Grin she had an awful couple of months when she was 18 months old but that was when she had very little language. Then the clothes/nappy fucking everything aversion started about 3 or 4 months ago, she's now 2 years 8 months. What really helped was her language coming on so that I could explain why we had to do these things and she actually understands the consequences now.
I found distraction helped loads so I would put a book on the coffee table and be all enthusiastic, look at the book etc then once I'd started reading just start doing the nappy without saying anything about it and keep on reading.

Anonymoususe · 12/04/2023 09:38

notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:20

I can't do day time baths during the week as I work as well so she goes to nursery. We don't get home until 6pm unfortunately so it's a quick snack and straight in the shower / bath. Bedtime 7.30 latest.

I'm baffled by the sudden dislike of the shower/bath tbh - she used to love it, I couldn't get her out!

Could it be that she’s just over tired at the moment and opposing the bath because of that?

it’s such a tough age especially when we don’t always know what to do or how to best help them as mothers. As someone else said it’s just trial and error. Mum guilt is the worst but don’t be so hard on yourself you sound like a great mum who’s trying her best. I don’t know if you do daily baths or not but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to keep that up if you do. A couple of times a week won’t hurt, a quick flannel wash will be fine too if she’s dirty from nursery. Baths can be fun again when you have more time at the weekends, I can imagine it being stressful if she’s screaming and you’re probably tired from being at work all day & doing nursery runs etc x

Original poster
notanotherdayofthisshit · 12/04/2023 09:53

@Anonymoususe

Thank you.

Yes I do put pressure on myself to bath her daily, which probably doesn't help my stress levels. I could maybe skip out the occasional one and just flannel wash like you say.

I think she probably is tired from her day at nursery and I'm exhausted too as my job is mentally draining, so it's hard to deal with every day.

We also have a relatively long commute - an hour each way (albeit the nursery is only 30 mins away from home so she's in the car for an hour a day; for me it's 2 hrs a day). Partner works away too so I'm juggling it solo a lot.

Think I've just reached burn out. I cried on my way to work this morning, feeling like a shit mum for having no patience with it all. 😓

OP posts:
Seasonofthewitch83 · 12/04/2023 10:10

SO TOTALLY NORMAL.

The best bit of advice I ever got was 'Why are you saying no?'

Does it matter? Will she get hurt?

They really start to want independence at this age and things like letting them pick breakfast, what colour plate they want etc can be super helpful.

I get it though - I think its harder when you HAVE to get them to nursery so you can go to work, you cant spend time fannying about trying to get them to pick a top to wear!

purpledalmation · 12/04/2023 10:21

Normal. Infuriating but normal.

WeeOrcadian · 12/04/2023 10:24

Toddlers are bastards. They're also learning and developing. They're still bastards though.

You've got this. It DOES get easier.

PoorMrsNorris · 12/04/2023 10:29

Yep totally normal.

Definitely give her choices (not in a doormat way) like "red top or pink top?"

Tell her when things are going to happen in advance so she doesn't feel like she has no control, "after we've done this puzzle, we're popping to the shop"

It makes it much easier for potty training if you help with those big emotions early on.

PS. Those things won't always work obviously! Sometimes they'll have a tantrum because they wanted the blue cup and you gave them the blue cup! It's tiring being 2!