Terrible 2s - is this normal?!

[notanotherdayofthisshit]

My DD turns 2 next week. I am honestly pulling my hair out with the tantrums. How normal is this? Here are some examples:

• trying to dress her is generally a physical struggle - I have to restrain her so I can change a nappy / get her dressed. She just screams.

• shower / bath time - she used to love these. Now it's just another thing that triggers screaming. Again, undressing her for the bath / shower is what sets off the screaming.

• taking her away from anything she is doing if it's time to leave - eg. Taking her away from the tv for a bath or or to leave the house etc. not always but often this results in screaming.

• if I won't give in to her demands for "jelly" for her breakfast

The list goes on...... are these repeated tantrums normal? I have an older child (in their teens) and I honestly do not recall things being this bad.

Please tell me whether my child is normal or not? 😩

@notanotherdayofthisshit yeah it's not called threenager for nothing lol I've a few kids from the ages 6-21 and in my experience it's all down hill from 2 it gets better with communication but then you just fall into another problem at every age stage. They are all equally challenging but I've found the teenager/adult children the most difficult stage. Sorry I don't to mean to scare you 😂

@shadowchancesassy

I said in my OP I also have a teen. She's lovely. I can't relate to that stage being a challenge at all. Well certainly not on the same level anyway!! There is nothing in the world I have experienced as challenging as my 2 year old. Nothing.

My two year old has some epic tantrums and I have the same issue with choices as you do (either he wants both or neither!).

The only thing that seems to help consistently is to pretend I’m disappointed/sad too, if that makes sense?

So this morning he didn’t want to leave the park and had a tantrum, I pulled a really sad face and kept repeating ‘oh, you’re so sad to be leaving the park? We were having so much fun! Mummy wishes we could stay at the park all day too but we have to leave now’. Then as he calms down I start talking about something nice that’s coming up (I can’t wait to have lunch when we get home, is your tummy hungry too?).

He still has tantrums (I don’t think there’s a way to prevent them completely!), but being on the same side as him seems to help him calm down much quicker than reasoning with him.

All normal. My second is approaching 2 and has gone from angel to a-hole.

If you are stressed then of course you are not in control of yourself. Nobody is when stressed.

If you cannot cope at this stage and are unwilling to either work on yourself or find developmentally appropriate ways to deal with this then you have a very long and stressful road ahead of the both of you.

Also what helps with my teen is, if she does have stroppy hormonal moments and we are clashing, I can walk away. We can both take a breather and regroup when we're feeling more able to engage with each other without butting heads (which is admittedly rare anyway). If I wanted to I could even leave the house for several hours! My 16 year old would be just fine. If anything it would benefit us both.

I cannot walk away from my 2 year old. She needs me all the time. So it's completely overwhelming and suffocating. I also cannot use words and language (well I can but to a very limited extent) to talk it over with her, explain things to her. That's the difference. That's why I'm finding my toddler to be a million times more challenging than my teen.

My 2 year old usually had one tantrum a day.

Kinda lasted from when he got up till he went to bed.

Well yes, there are ways of dealing with it that reduce tantrums. Most people aren’t bothered to put in the time and effort to see how to deal with them appropriately.

Instead they’d rather put up with the years of stress and tantrums

@SunnySaturdayMorning

Feeling stressed and being out of control of one's behaviour are not equivalent. One is possible without the other. I am feeling very stressed, yes. But I am in control.

Like I said, unhelpful.

I just give into everything really it makes life far easier 😅 unless it's running into the road I draw the line there

Ahh so According to you, @SunnySaturdayMorning, no one on this thread has bothered to put in any "effort" and that's why they get tantrums from their 2 year old? Are you for real?!

How many kids do you have again?

Well yeah I once did in fact give her jelly for breakfast. Shoot me. 🤷‍♀️ sometimes it's just survival isn't it!

@notanotherdayofthisshit ahh missed the bit where you have a teenager sorry. I had 3 teenagers it was awful but that's the problem when you have kids close together they all go through the stages together

@shadowchancesassy

Yeah I can imagine with more than one! I honestly do not remember this with my eldest. I was very young when I had her, that might be why, I have no idea. I also didn't have the level of stress and responsibility in my career that I have now, so being repeatedly late for work isn't ideal. And I had family support around me when she was born; I don't now.

But I just do not recall going through this level of tantrums daily with her. This is something else entirely!

No, unfortunately your toddler will be able to pick up on your stress, setting off her internal alarm bells that nobody is control of this ship. You cannot hide it.

I gave lots of helpful advice and resources, you just weren’t interested 🤷‍♀️

Only fight the dangerous battles is what my MIL told me. Jelly for breakfast…..so what, add fruit and yoghurt, all is good. What difference is jelly for breakfast than jelly for pudding after lunch? Jelly is jelly.

Giving in will make it worse in the long run. You may think you have an easy life now but you’re setting yourself up for years of problems.

Not even close to what I said

I disagree (politely 😅🙂) my 7 year old is an angel now and I did give in to most things too. I'm happy to be proved wrong when she's a teenager though 😅

I’m sure since you’ve read everything and have a phD in psychology you already know this, but you shouldn’t have “treat” foods.

Nothing wrong with jelly for breakfast, all food is valid in moderation.

The only issue is if you’ve said “no jelly” then turn around and give in.

Sounds precisely like my 2yo

I do think you’ve got really low expectations for what an almost 2 year old understands. Things like ‘pick the pink hat or blue hat?’ is a perfectly age appropriate question for them.
Okay if you haven’t been consistent with it then it might take a week or 2 for her to get it but she can absolutely understand and respond to requests like this!

Rather than ‘5 more minutes in the park’ which they can’t get the concept of, they do understand ‘1 more go on the slide’. They might not want only 1 more but they understand it. So you team it with ‘1 more go and then we need to go home and make a snack’. It does help to reason with them. They fight back when they think they have no control.

For getting dressed I pretend to be the"get dressed monster" and chase them round the house saying I want to eat their pyjamas. Takes a while but eventually works and they have fun/ no screaming.
I find giving a warning before you turn off TV / make them go for dinner/ bath etc helps. I.e. TV off when this programme finishes etc. Pictures of the next activity can help as well. My almost 3 yr old is driving me crazy at the moment. 🥴. So I feel this.

@SunnySaturdayMorning

My toddler can sense my stress? Ok.... so tell me, oh wise one, how the hell she picks up on "stress" within this scenario (this was my morning today):

6.30- gently waking her, saying her name, soft lights on, "come on sweetheart let's get ready for nursery...". Favourite toy on standby, happily show her toy as she opens her eyes. "Look, who's this?" Smiling at her etc as I start to try and get her undressed.

Her response? "NOOO!!! Mummy no!!" screaming starts instantly. I try to stand her up, she throws herself onto floor. "Come on sweetheart its time to go to nursery now, we can see all your friends?" Try again to dress her. "NO! NO!!" Dramatic cries. Throws herself around. I disengage and begin attempting to dress her anyway I can while arms and legs fly into my face. At one point I was fully hit in the eye.

So according to you, she picked up on my stress which, before that 6.30 incident, was totally non existent? And somehow that tantrum is my fault for being "out of control"?

😂😂😂😂
My eldest was like this. My second I just smile at - he ain’t got nothing in comparison.

op - you can leave the room for a breather. Someone told me you can’t tantrum to an empty room. It’s true.